35. Q&A: April 2021 Edition

Today’s Q&A begins with a topic so many of you have asked about - positive reinforcement. Somehow along the way, parents confused positive reinforcement with offering bribes and rewards for everyday behaviors. But before you find yourself promising a trip to Disneyland for a single poop in the potty, I break down how you can recognize good behaviour without setting your kids up to feel entitled. In response to your questions about connection before correction, I’ll clarify how you can connect with your kid using short spurts of one-on-one time, and I’ll share some ideas on how to help a child who throws tantrums when they lose a game. Today’s episode also looks at screentime, and how to ease your child back to reality when it’s time to turn off Peppa Pig. Finally, I’ll discuss consequences versus punishment, the role of shame and guilt in shifting behavior, and how Gentle Parenting can actually lead to more aggression in some cases. 

As always, thank you for your patronage and your participation in this platform. I love your questions and getting to hear about all of your experiences on this parenting journey. I can’t wait to hear what questions you have for me next month!

The Finer Details of This Episode:

Effective methods to reinforce positive behaviour, like using a low pitch with your voice and offering a solid fist bump

The importance of praising the effort, not the outcome

Like adults, children want to be seen and validated for their effort and the work they put into something

Connection before correction, and having a “bouillon cube” of one-on-one time with your child

Coping with kids who throw tantrums when they lose a game - every kid goes through this phase

Finding a balance with screentime boundaries, and using a bridge of attention to ease them back to reality without tantrums

It is okay to sometimes allow your child to experience bad consequences or bad feelings when they do something wrong as this is how they know not to repeat the behavior

Quotes:

“If we don’t have boundaries, I see this sort of free fall in kids.”

“They have nothing to hold them in, nothing to kick against, and therefore know that they’re safe.”

“We do want to reinforce the positive, otherwise the child has no idea.”

“And that leads us to positive reinforcement. Somehow along the way, I think parents got confused and this became bribery and/or rewards.”

“Positive reinforcement is really just noticing the good.”

“We don’t praise the outcome, we praise the effort.”

“I hope you’re not stringing yourself out trying to be super connected all day long.”

“Before every game, it’s wise to say, ‘Listen, people win and people lose, and that’s okay.’”

“I definitely think it’s better to start making them lose early on so they get acclimated.”

“Do not get trapped just because your kid throws a tantrum.”

“Remember, when your kid is little, they are in the screen, so it’s really hard to just pull them away.”

“It is okay for your child to feel bad about the bad thing they did.”

“If they’re not responding and it’s not effective, change it.”

Links:

Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/

Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU

Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - 

https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738

Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki?

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