Season 2, Ep.15: Pick Me! Pick Me! A Look At Dating From The Left Of Nashville

In this episode of Left Of Nashville, I talk about the struggles of dating when you're a musician on the come up. 

I’m six months out of my previous relationship and I’ve been out and about. And I’ve met some women in this time…women who seemed genuinely interested…that is until they find out about my financial situation. 

And look I get it, you can’t expect to attract a quality woman when you’re in the doldrums, when you’re at rock bottom. But my situation has improved markedly since Episode One of this season. I’m no Rockefeller here, but I’m getting back on my feet with my current financial situation and my dreams are becoming even closer to being a reality: The podcast is taking off, things are moving with my music in L.A. and Nashville, not to mention all the people that I have been working with of late. Life is starting to get good on the planet for me. BUT, I’m still in this weird limbo place with everything.

But being a broke musician on the come up still doesn’t carry the same weight as say, a broke pre-med student. The broke musician thing is the kiss of death. It doesn’t seem to matter how much you are hustling, or how much progress you are making, it’s not enough.

So if I were a 40 year-old wanna be musician with no hustle, with no progress being made, no licensing deals in the queue who was just bumming around getting stoned and drunk all the time, I wouldn’t date me either. I’ve already mentioned in the Crabs In The Bucket episode that I won’t even associate with THOSE dudes. 

I’m not that guy. I’m building a business here. But you’ve got to scratch the surface to find out those things about me. I’m not going to bend over backwards to try to assure every woman that I meet, that I’m not THAT guy. I’m not going to start blabbing about all the things that I have going on. Because that comes off as bragging.

I stumbled upon an article in Digital Music News written by Gaetano, a singer, songwriter, producer and guitarist based in New York, who oddly enough, has been documenting his music industry experiences in his blog. Sound familiar? I’ll link it up in the show notes. The article was entitled:

Why Dating As A Musician Is So Hard

So I have recently come to some conclusions about my situation.  I talk a lot about not raising your hand asking for people to pick you in your music career. I rail against the idea that I can’t make a living from my music unless some suit picks me. But no man is an island. The reality is that whether we are after a publishing deal, trying to gain 1,000 True Fans, or building an audience for our podcast, we DO need people to PICK US. But there is a mindset shift when we “PICK OURSELVES.” We put our art into the world and the rest be damned. Sure, we want an audience, but when we come from an abundance mindset rather than a scarcity mindset, everything changes. We have a confidence that is attractive. And while this is something that I have been working on professionally, I realized that in my personal life, that I am still looking for someone to pick me.

Being a struggling musician on the come up may actually be a blessing in disguise. Being broke is actually a great litmus test to see who I want to invest my time in.

When the topic eventually comes up about what I do and my financial situation with women that I meet, I immediately bring up the podcast. I tell them that if they really want to know what I’m about—and all the things that I’m doing to better myself, that they should listen to the podcast. I give them a certain episode to start with. I’ve even subscribed them to the podcast on their phones.

Because I know that if I were really interested in a woman, and she had her life documented online, I would jump at the chance to get to know her better without investing a ton of time. Hell, I wish all the women I meet had a documentary podcast. That would be way better than investing a year’s worth of my life before finding out someone isn’t right for me.

So if a woman can’t at least invest twenty minutes to listen to one episode, then I know that I’m not willing to spend my valuable time getting to know her. So Left Of Nashville has become this dating tool for me to weed out the undesirables.

So I’ve decided to “PICK ME” in my personal life as well. I won’t always be broke and as hard as the last two years have been, I’ve got a pretty fun and interesting life. I’ve achieved a lot of things and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon. And I need to respect myself enough to not just let anyone into my weird little world.

Why Dating As A Musician Is So Hard

Digital Music News

Left Of Nashville

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