RANT: The Secret to Not Being Offended

Are you getting offended by people in your life? If so, listen to this now!

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---Transcript---

What's up, everybody. This is Russell Brunson. Welcome back the Marketing Secrets podcast. Today I've got a rant, and the rant is I'm going to teach you guys the secret to not being offended.

All right, so good morning. Today started off with two people being offended because I sent them a gift. These people in my High End Coaching program, who I send them a gift to help them in their journey, in their life, and they were offended. So offended in fact, they went and they posted it online at how offended they were about the gift that I sent them for free.

So that's how the morning started out, and then ... I'm not going to give details. There are other things in this world around us that are happening. And everyone's getting offended about the stupidest things almost all the time, and it is driving me nuts. And so I wanted to teach you guys a secret. This is the secret about how to not get offended.

I don't get offended very often. In fact, it's very, very rare that I do. And I can tell you this, the quality of life is a bajillion times better because I don't get offended at every little thing that comes across my plate. I have people who I completely strongly, strongly, strongly disagree with, and guess what? They can post their thoughts, their beliefs, I don't get offended. It's the weirdest thing.

And so I'm going to teach you guys a secret. Do you guys want the secret? Because this will change the quality of your life. Now some of you guys are going to be offended I'm even telling you about this. For those of you who are getting offended right now or will be offended momentarily, that is a sign that you need this more than anybody else. And so, yeah, so here we go.

This is the secret to not getting offended. You have to assume that even if people disagree if you, even if what they believe is not something that you believe in. Even if they say something that you strongly ... You hear it or you see it or you read it, it makes you sick to your stomach and making you upset, whatever, frustrated. The secret is to understand that people all act out of good intentions.

What? "There's no way, this person's evil." No, people act out of good intentions. This is the big secret, this is the big aha that most people want to understand. People aren't going out there trying to be horrible people, they're doing it out of good intentions.

The first time I heard this epiphany, this aha, the first time I realized this to be true, I was actually at a Tony Robbins event. And Tony talked about this. He said, he said something along the lines of that people act out of good intentions, even if what they're doing is evil. And I was like, "What does that even mean?" And he said, he was telling the story about UPW, which is his Unleash the Power Within event.

He said that, "I was sitting in this event and we're talking about tensions." He said, "I had a workshop and people writing their notes down." And he said that, 'After you write your notes, you share it with your partner." And apparently some guy saw his partner's notes, and in his notes he talked about the fact that he was planning on killing his wife, his kids, and then himself.

And this guy starts freaking out. He goes and finds one of the ushers, like, "Oh, my partner here is about to do something really bad. You should do something." And so they went and told Tony. And so Tony called the guy up, "Hey, so-and-so, come up on stage." And he's like, "Tell us what's going on?" And the guy was just like, "Well, my plans are after this, then I'm going to go home and I'm going to kill my wife and my kids and then myself."

And everyone in the audience is like, "Aah," super offended. "This person is evil. This person is the most horrible person on this planet." All these things. And that would be most of our gut instinct, is this, "Aah." And Tony starts working the guy and starts talking through things with him and say, "Well, why are you doing this? What's the purpose? You're not just doing it to be a horrible person, why?"

And when it came down to the guy came back and was like, "My father left when I was young. And it ruined my life. These are, all the things happened because my father left me." And he said, "I am miserable. And I want to leave, I want to leave this earth. But I know that if I leave this earth it's going to destroy the life of my wife and my kids, I love them so much. I don't want them to go through the pain that I went through. And so because of that, this is why I'm going to do this thing."

And obviously, yes, it is messed up. It's like, there's a lot of psychological help that needs to happen there. I'm not downplaying that at all, but the person was acting out of good intentions. They weren't going and trying to be this horrible person, they were trying to act out of good intentions.

And it's interesting, when I see people post something that I don't agree with, I don't try to get the initial visceral response, like, "Aah, that person is evil. I'm offended. Let me tell them why they're evil in the comments down below." Instead, I look at it, I'm like, "Man, I don't agree with that. But what's their intentions? Is it good?" And I think about it and I'm like, "Huh, I strongly disagree with what they're saying and why they're saying it."

But typically, almost every time I've tried to do this exercise, I'm like, "Man, the reason why they're doing that is actually out of good intentions." They're doing it because they believe this, they're doing it because of this. And it's interesting as I step back and I stop and I say, "What are their intentions? Is there any possible way they have good intentions with this thing that they're posting? This thing that they're saying, this thing that they did, the thing they experienced, the thing ... The gift that they sent me in the mail."

And then I started thinking for a second, "Is there any possible way that this person had good intentions? And what would that look like? Well, what's the lens I'd have to look through for me to post that?" And I can look at it and say, "Man, I completely disagree with that person. I think they're wrong, I don't agree with anything, but I can see the reason why they did it is because of this. This is their intentions and their intentions were pure."

And I believe, maybe I'm just naive. I don't know, maybe I am. But I think that all humans who are on this planet here, they act out of good intentions. And sometimes intentions are messed up, sometimes a psychological damage and they're just like ... There's all sorts of things that happen, but I think that all the decisions that all of us make, there are good intentions.

And so because of that, I can look at somebody who does something and not be offended. I can look at somebody who believes different than me, and I can love them. I can look at somebody who I think is insane because of their beliefs, their thoughts, their posts, their gifts, their whatever. And I can still love them because I'm like, "Man, they're acting on a good intention. This is what they think is best and that's why they're doing it."

And so that's the secret, you guys. That's the secret not being offended. And I promise you, if you start looking at that lens differently, you're going to start loving people that you see, people who ... Christ talked about you should love your enemies, this is how you do it. You understand, "Man, this person may be my enemy, but they're doing it because they think this is right. They have good intentions. They're trying to help people in a way that I completely disagree with, yet I can still love them because they're doing out of good intentions."

There's a quote I posted today on my Facebook wall, my personal wall, it said ... It's from Brigham Young, it says, "He who takes offense when offense is not intended is a fool, but he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool." And so I want you guys to remember that, don't take offense. First off, if someone does something and they're not trying to offend you and you take offense to that, you're a fool. You're an idiot. That's on you, not on them. And then if they do, if they're trying to offend you and you take offense, then you're a greater fool. So I thought that was really powerful.

So anyway, I wanted to share with you guys today because there's too much of this in the world today. Everyone's getting offended and it's ridiculous. Especially when somebody sends you a gift in the mail, or especially when somebody posts something about their beliefs, because they're trying to help people in the way that they think is right. I don't care if you hate them, if you disagree with them, if you think what they're doing is evil, bad, we need to love them. They're doing it out of good intentions.

So instead, try to help them align their intentions if they, what can you do ... Instead of going in the comments and try and destroy this person and cancel them because they did something that you disagree with, what if you came back and say, "Man, how can I actually help serve this person? They're in good attention, but I think that they're steered the wrong direction."

andm this intervention that Tony went through, he didn't go and get the guy locked up. It's like, "Man, I should help this person realign their understanding. If I can shift their intentions to something more positive, maybe this outcome won't be as bad as they think." And you do that not by trying to force somebody, not by trying to make them to change, you do it through inspiration. Who are you becoming?

I just went to Stacey and Paul Martino's event, and they talk a lot about this concept. They call it transformation through inspiration. If you wanted to move somebody, being offended and trying to cancel them will not get them to move. It'll just make them hate you more. Instead, live your life in a way that spires people, that transforms people to make them want to think like you think. That's the key, that's the big secret.

You look about the greatest teacher of all, Jesus Christ, when he came to this earth. He was not coming down trying to force people to follow him. No, he said, "I'm going to set an example. And if you love me, keep my commandments. And this is what I'm going to do." And he showed these different things. And man, we looked at him and said, "This guy, I love him, I respect him. I'm going to change my beliefs because I'm inspired by him and what he did."

And that's the key, inspiration through transformation. So instead of trying to be offended, live your life in a way that gets people inspired. So that when they're struggling and they're realizing, "Man, this blueprint, this thing that I believe this, my intentions are wrong. Who do I trust? Who do I listen to?" It's like, "Oh, the person that was yelling in the comments, I'm going to trust their opinion."

No, no, no. That's not what they do. They step back and they say, "Hum, well, that person, that Russell's really cool to me all the time. Even when he disagrees with me. Man, he's got something figured out. Maybe I'll listen to him. Maybe I'll ... What does he believe? What's he doing?" And that's how you get people, that's how you cause change. Not the other way around.

So quit being offended, is number one. Okay. Number two, the secrets to not being offended is understanding that people are all acting out of good intentions. I honestly believe that. Number three, if you take offense when offense is not intended, you're a fool. If you take offense when offense is intended, you're an even greater fool. And number four, if you want to change people's lives, literally it's transformation through inspiration. Not by being offended and trying to cancel, I mean, yelling in the comments.

So there you go you guys. If I ever send you a gift, even if you hate it, just throw it away. It's cool, I was trying to do something cool. I thought it was helping you. And if you're offended somehow, that's on you, not on me. So that's that. Appreciate you guys, hope you are all enjoying the day. Go out there, love somebody you disagree with. Live life in a way that transforms, inspires people, and be good to people. That said, appreciate you all and I'll talk to you soon. Bye, everybody.