Relationship Habits People Think Are Okay, But Aren’t

 

Habits ~ according to the Merriam Webster’s Dictionary, a habit is a settled tendency or usual manner of behavior.  For better or for worse, our family and friends teach us how to deal with others.  And sometimes those lessons lead to healthy habits and other times, they contribute to the erosion of a relationship.

 

How we deal with differences of opinion or conflict is greatly determined by our habits and what we think is a “normal” way to respond. However, many of the ways we think are normal are actually unhealthy.

 

Now this isn’t to say healthy relationships don’t have disagreements… they do.  The difference greatly depends on their use of healthier ways of dealing with problems and their minimal dependance on the use of unhealthy ways of dealing with issues.  The more bad relationship habits you rely on to get your message across, or get your way the more difficult it is to repair over time. 

 

So, let’s take a few minutes and review the bad habits that people think are normal, but really aren’t healthy in the long run.  

 

I want you to think about the last argument you had with your friend or mate. And, as I list and describe each relationship habit I want you to figure out if you tend to use the methods to prove your point or get your way.  

 

1.Keeping Score Card  and comparison- Competing with each other - who does more work…instead of negotiating what each should do. Respecting each other's limits….getting things done without resentment and guilt. 

 

2.Applying Guilt and Passive Aggressive Moves like Sarcasm

 

Threaten to Leave if you don’t get what you want - Common weapon of manipulation and emotional blackmail.

 

Blame Partner for your emotions and reaction to things. Lack of boundaries - We are responsible for our own actions. Codependent relationships bread resentment.

 

Jealousy - Controlling demands of who you see, where you go and what you do.  Not trusting you to make the right decisions and being faithful and loyal to your mate. 

 

Buying your way out of your conflict/disagreement - brush under the rug… things build up. 

 

Hold Grudges, not letting things go even when you say you’re fine.

 

Consistently show contempt and annoyance of their mate, roll eyes ext.

 

Stop making time to have fun with each other.

 

Constantly criticize their partner's comings. 

 

Assume you know what your mate thinks and how they will respond without talking to them.

 

12.Assume the worst in your mate. 

 

Keeping feelings to yourself until the littlest thing sets you off. 

 

Second guesses when their mate does something and assumes their mate wants something, not just because. 

 

When you argue you insult your mate for making the wrong decision or not doing things the way you think they should.

 

Feel the need to control how your mate cleans up the house, does the dishes and shares household responsibilities.  Doesn’t allow their mate to do things their way,

 

Doesn’t reach out for help and insists that they can fix what they have broken, but may not have the tools or perspective to make the change. 

 

End up doing more things separately than together. One night on the couch turns into months apart. 

 

First to blame rather than give mate the benefit of the doubt. 

 

Don’t show appreciation or say thank you for the little things. 

 

Speak louder in order to be heard. 

 

My point about each of these tactics is that they if used too often will begin to erode your relationship. 

 

The good news is, our bad habits can change.  But we need to know how to handle things better and how to repair the relationship if we have gone off course. 

 

If you like to learn more about healthy relationship skills and improving the quality of your relationships make sure to sign up for the Adore More Challenge Waitlist where we will go through the healthy forms of intimacy and how healthy relationship habits can improve your overall quality of life.  See the link in the description for more info..  

 

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Episode Summary

In this episode relationship bad habits are discussed.  We review what they are and how they contribute to a relationships demise if used too often.  Thankfully, bad habits can be changed. If you would like to learn more about improving your relationship bad habits, sign up for the Adore More Challenge Waitlist.  

 

Sign up for the Adore More Challenge Waitlist