Revealing & Healing Sexual Abuse – with Dr. Jessica McCleese

Here’s the truth: either you or someone you know has been victimized by sexual abuse. It’s a sad reality that most of us hate talking about. But if we don’t talk about it, the stigma and shame will continue its cycle in our hearts and relationships. Joining me on the podcast for this important and urgent conversation is my friend, Dr. Jessica McCleese, a psychologist and sex therapist. Jessica tells us her personal story of being sexually molested and abused and the havoc those experiences wreaked on her psyche. But she’s not alone. I, too, in a rare conversation, talk about my experience with sexual abuse and the damage it began to have on my marriage. But God.

 

So many women and men silently struggle with identity issues, guilt, confusion, embarrassment, shame, anger, and an array of other emotions because of sexual abuse. And many still won’t talk about it. I want to do my part to help people begin the path of healing and freedom from sexual abuse. Statistics show that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men are sexually abused by the time they turn 18.[1] That’s a LOT of us!

 

Naturally, as I was wrapping up the All About Sex series, I concluded this was a topic that could be off limits no longer. We need real, honest, and helpful conversations about sexual abuse that will help single and married people to overcome all its damaging effects.

 

A Survivor’s Story

A few years ago, my friend, Terri, shared a spoken word at a women’s conference at our church entitled Story. Terri, too, is a survivor. With her permission, I am sharing her spoken word with you. May you find comfort in reading it:

 

She sits in distress

concerned and under arrest

She, sits in her pretty pink dress, afraid to tell her mom because she’d make a mess

of things

She’s six and he… he cornered her.

She’s not even old enough to write legible, his decibels rang in her ear: “TOUCH IT!”

 

She sits in distress

Concerned and under arrest

Her heart beats out of her chest

She’s too young to be shaken from the nest, but Satan’s jest was to destroy her…

 

And soon - her reality became a mental and physical battle of sexual brutality

As her molester sold her inexpensive lies that tied to her heart like - you’re so beautiful

and you deserve this…

And - just when her eye ducts began to swell, he whispered three destructive words:

DO NOT TELL

And she, she kept his word - that, secret tucked away privately, she put on insecurity

and suffered quietly and silently as he, ran away with my voice…

 

Her shackles grew stronger with age. She’s enraged at the world, every night curled into

the fetal position.

 

Nothing's more painful than knowing that the past you were living was just a counterfeit. 

Yet, nothing’s more rewarding than knowing that Christ is a redeemer

And Satan is a deceiver, he, wanted me to be sick of men, like fever, continually

attacking my views on fatherhood ... That is... 

Until I became a believer

I said Satan is a deceiver - one who gives a false impression

He wants you to be so wrapped up in what happened to you, that you neglect this

lesson: God. Is.

 

God. Is. So concerned about you that he, the Father, sent His own son to suffer - just

when you think your problems are rougher, God's love is tougher...

God. Is. A father to the fatherless. He is perfect relationship, and every time your lips

part to recant your past story, remember to allow God to get the glory

I committed to let God do surgery, I allowed Him to open me up and start purgin’ me - to,

mend the fabric that was torn from molestation, I even surrendered my teenage

frustration and hatred toward my earthly father.

 

In the beginning, was the word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

He was in the beginning with God. And all things came into being through Him and The

Word gave life to everything that was created, and his life brought light to everyone.

 

Jesus, you are the brightest light

YOU designed my DNA, Satan has NO PLACE in the spotlight

He has NO PLACE in this heart, right - NO PLACE in this life, like

He belongs in darkness, only God dwells in the limelight

And no one can write your story, but HIM

 

I refuse to stand here and weep because

I miss and mourn what used to be

I refuse to accept muddy waters for the sake of purity

I refuse to be a victim, dying and dancing for the enemy

I refuse to let Satan write my story – cause only God can author my identity

And I wearily crawled to the cross, and it was there he breathed his strength in me... He

makes all things new

Don’t put on your past, just to dress up your present

 

And today, I stare at blank pages because my story is still being written.

I’m still living it – out loud, and reading it like front-page news…

 

You are not who you used to be.

Written in your story is freedom from pain and sickness, emotionally

Written in your story is freedom from a life ending terminally

Freedom from Satan choking your creativity

You are not who you used to be.

Written in your story is value and royalty

And every detail of our life is worked into something good…

 

So tell me, what’s your story?

©2013 Terri Simmons

 

Getting Help for Sexual Abuse

Whether your abuse happened over the last decades or last night, it’s time you tell someone. It’s time you get help. Reach out to a trusted and trained counselor and get healed.  

 

Resources:

 

On the Threshold of Hope: Opening the Door to Healing for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Dr. Diane Langberg

 

EMDR: a resource to Help Overcome Sexual Trauma

 

The Effects of Porn in Marriage – The Dating Divas

 

Learn more about Dr. Jessica McCleese at BeFullyWell.com.

 

If you or someone you know is experiencing sexual abuse, contact RAINN (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network) today at http://rainn.org or call their 24-hour hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE.

 

[1] https://nomore.org/know-the-facts-citations/

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