My friend Ryan Michael Painter joins us to talk about his new book called “The Unexpected Son” which talks about his gay LDS father Michael, who was the first AIDS death in Utah when Michael was 7, and his LDS mother Patti.    The book is at Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/Unexpected-Son-Ryan-Michael-Painter/dp/1735051209
 
Michael, in his 40s, talks about his love for both his father and mother (who were divorced shortly after Michael’s birth but remained friends) and how is has found peace with the complexity of his family situation.   It is a beautiful story of love as captured by this review on Amazon:
 
“This book is truly a testament of love. I was particularly moved by Patti’s narrative. There are so many times during this story when anger, fear, or resentment would have been the natural reaction. Instead, this is a story of love, compassion, and charity during the most challenging of circumstances. Lessons we could all learn from.
Ryan Painter has artfully told his family’s story. He has managed to balance the heavy significant subject matter with more lighthearted antidotes to keep the pace from feeling weighted.”
 
I became aware of Ryan and his book from this excellent story from Peggy Fletcher Stack https://www.sltrib.com/artsliving/2020/11/29/different-type-ghost/
 
Thank you my friend Ryan for being on the podcast and teaching us how to better love and support everyone. I encourage everyone to read your book and listen to this podcast.

Episode 364: Ryan Michael Painter, Author, Gay Father Died of AIDS

Welcome to our podcast!   

My name is Richard H. Ostler and I am a native of Salt Lake City, small business owner, married father of six with several grandchildren.  I believe in and am deeply committed to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and want it to work for a wider group.
I am the author of three books: 

“Listen Learn and Love:  Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints” published in 2020 available at Deseret Book (deseretbook.com/product/5248297.html) and Amazon (amazon.com/dp/1462135773) 

“Listen Learn and Love:  Improving Latter-day Saint Culture” published in 2022.  The book explores who we can do better to help all Latter-day Saints feel more welcome, needed and a feeling of belonging in our congregations.  Available at Deseret Book (deseretbook.com/product/6003149.html) and Amazon (amazon.com/dp/1462139566)

“Listen Learn and Love:  Building the Good Ship Zion” released in Sept 2023.  The book explores additional topics to help all Latter-day Saint feel welcome and needed on the Good Ship Zion.  Available at Deseret Book (deseretbook.com/product/6026921.html) and Amazon (amazon.com/dp/1462145280)

The purpose of all three books is to help us better create Zion by helping more feel welcome, a sense of belonging, and needed in our congregations.  

Proceed from the books go the Stockton Power Memorial Scholarship (www.standingforstockton.com) in honor of Stockton Powers a gay Latter-day Saint teenager who died of suicide in 2016.   Everything I do is a self-funded labor of love ❤️

I am the author of two Ensign articles:

‘How the Savior’s Healing Power Applies to Repenting from Sexual Sin’ (August 2020/YSA Digital Only) www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2020/08/young-adults/how-the-saviors-healing-power-applies-to-repenting-from-sexual-sin

 ‘7 Tips for Overcoming Pornography Use’ (October, page 72) www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2020/10/young-adults/7-tips-for-overcoming-pornography-use.   

This podcast is designed to discuss some more complicated issues in our church to help all of us better “listen, learn and love” so we can minister in a more effective way to all of our Heavenly Parents’ children.

Podcasts are indexed by category at listenlearnandlove.org/podcasts

Thank you for joining us.   You can't donate to this podcast.  There are no sponsors.   But you can leave a review/rate the podcast on the platform you are listening and/or leave a review at Deseret Book/Amazon on my books.

With love, Richard 'Papa' Ostler ❤

Twitter: twitter.com/Papa_Ostler
IG: www.instagram.com/papa_ostler
Facebook:  facebook.com/richard.ostler.5
E-mail: richard@ostlergroup.com

Religion & Spirituality

Other

Spirituality

Christianity

Buddhism

Hinduism

Judaism

Islam

My friend Jashon Ray Fabia (Age 33, single, LDS, RM, BYU-H grad in Psychology and Music, finishing Master's in Music Therapy) bravely shares his story as a queer Filipino Latter-day Saint (our first guest from the Philippines) and his new book (see show notes).
 
Jashon shares the shame he felt which continued until he came out to himself in his mid-20’s and others allowing Jashon to feel authentic and reduce/eliminate shame.   It is a brave story of working through suicidal ideation to find hope and peace.    Jashon talks about his focus on service to help other marginalized group, future projects and hopes for other queer Filipinos.
 
Jashon concludes with reconciliation with his parents including grace with family members along this journey.    Thank you, Jashon, for being on the podcast, writing your book, and sharing your story to give hope to others.   You are a good man doing much healing in our world.   Glad to have you on the podcast.
 
Links:
 
Jashon’s book:  https://www.amazon.com/dp/1948218917
 
Facebook Group to Support LGBTQ Latter-day Saints: www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143

Episode 751: Jashon Fabia, Author: “Swirling in the Eddy: LDS, Filipino, & Gay”

**This episode talks about suicide.  If you are suicidal, please call/text/chat *988**
 
My friend Erik Thompson (Age 40, single, active LDS, RM) bravely shares his story with a heart full of desire to give others hope.   Erik vulnerable and bravely talks about:
 
Being a survivor of sexual abuse at age 13.
Spiritual OCD (Scrupulosity).
Porn and masturbation.
Coming home from his mission (after a suicide attempt) at 9 months.
Need for love and belonging.
Becoming sexually active—in unsafe situations—drug use—and more suicidal ideation.
Healing words from a senior Church leader including the “Savior is thrilled with you” and returning to Church activity.
You are here to love.
Upcoming NorthStar Conference.
 
Erik can authentically teach the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ to heal us from pain and to help us repent because Erik has the courage to share his story—helping us all understand that we too can find hope in our story—even the most difficult times of our lives.   Part of Erik’s story is on the Church’s YouTube channel (see show notes).
 
Thank you, Erik, for being on the podcast.   You are one of my new heroes.   Your story will help so many.   You are a good man.
 
Links:
 
Erik’s Church YouTube:  youtu.be/7avoFnympIg?si=vEBk7_YX709HGqfM
 
NorthStar Conference:  allevents.in/salt%20lake%20city/2024-north-star-conference/10000761893222137
 
Erik’s e-mail:  erikguy@gmail.com
 
Erik’s cell:  202-595-4747
 
TikTok:  https://www.tiktok.com/@etpiano83?_t=8lNeC55a9hC&_r=1
 
Scrupulosity Podcasts:  listenlearnandlove.org/depression-mental-illness-podcasts
 
Richard Ostler Free Chapter Links:
 
Ending Porn Use:  www.dropbox.com/s/w2ex40l4se85wku/Chapter%204%20Ending%20Pornography%20Use.%20%20Listen%20Learn%20and%20Love%2C%20Improving%20Latter-day%20Saint%20Culture.pdf?dl=0
 
Hope Filled Repentance:  www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/1lo38ejspdzwfxngaaotm/Chapter-5-Hope-Filled-Repentance.-Listen-Learn-and-Love-Improving-Lattter-day-Saint-Culture.pdf?rlkey=18kd8tqtmls60b14y7ilc1f2i&dl=0
 
Overcoming Scrupulosity:  www.dropbox.com/s/i314vw5im0khzia/Chapter%207%20Overcoming%20Scrupulosity%20%28Religious%20ODC%29.pdf?dl=0

Episode 750:  Erik Thompson, Gay Latter-day Saint,  Overcoming Addiction,  Finding Hope in Christ

My friends Cameo and Cooper Johnson (LDS parents of 4 children, live in Flagstaff AZ, Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioners) join us to share their story from the perspective of both LDS parents of a queer daughter (RM, engaged to another RM woman) and their professional work specializing in supporting LDS LGBTQ individuals and families.   In the episode, the Johnsons bring unique and helpful perspectives from their experience as parents and also work as mental health practitioners that help all of us.  
 
Some of the topics covered by the Johnsons include:
 
1.  Why they are excited and supportive of their daughter’s same-sex marriage.
2.  Why they stay members of the Church.
3.  What gives them hope and peace for their “eternal family”.
4.  What gives them hope for the future of the Church.
5.  The difference between core values and core beliefs.
6.  How to better see and support families who fit “outside of the idealized version”.
7.  The parable of the Good Samaritan.
8.  How personal growth often occurs “when we look inward and check ourselves.”
 
This is one of the best podcasts we’ve done as the Johnsons bring their clinical experience and parental experience to help us better love and support our queer family members and friends.  I encourage you to listen to this episode and share it with others.  
 
Thank you, Cameo and Cooper Johnson, for being on the podcast and your work to help bring us together as the same human family.  Honored to have you on the podcast!
 
Links:
 
Cameo Johnson, PMHNP
Ponderosa Psychiatry
https://www.ponderosapsychiatry.com/
info@ponderosapsychiatry.com
Psychology Today Profile: https://www.psychologytoday.com/profile/737606
 
Cooper Johnson, PMHNP
Advanced Mental Health and Wellness
https://advancedmhw.com/
support@advancedmhw.com
Psychology Today Profile: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/psychiatrists/advanced-mental-health-wellness-williams-az/441627

Episode 749: Cameo & Cooper Johnson, LDS Parents of a Queer Daughter

My friend Nate Miller (grew up in Davis County, lives in Salt Lake County, Philippines RM, U of U graduation, no longer attending church) joins us to share his story.   Nate starts with reading a powerful journal entry/letter during his mission that shares his journey (since age 6) of navigating being different and eventually realizing he is gay.   

Nate is so vulnerable, honest—with a gift of words to share his journey.  I was so moved with Nate’s courage to be so honest—which helps us better understand what it is like to be alone figuring out one’s sexual orientation—and gives us insights what we can do to improve our culture to better support our queer friends.
 
Nate talks about finding hope about his future and his family’s unconditional love and support.   Nate also talks about advice he would give to his younger self “who was listening five years ago”.    
 
Like many of our episodes, I continue to be moved by brave people willing to share their stories out of love to help others find hope in their lives.   I was also moved by Nate’s family and their words of unconditional love and support—this is a beautiful family love story. 
 
This is also a good podcast on principles to keep the family circle together and strong when a family member steps away from the church.
 
Thank you, Nate, for your courage to be on the podcast.  You are a good man—your story will help so many.   You have a great life ahead of you.   All my love and respect to you and the Miller family.

Links:  Facebook Group to Support LGBTQ Latter-day Saints:  www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143

Nate Miler on Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/nate.miller.129142

Nate Miller on Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/itsnertme/

Episode 748: Nate Miller, Gay, Age 26

My friend James Smart (RM, age 20, from Rexburg Idaho, Santa Rosa CA missionary, at BYU) joins us to bravely share his story.   James starts with reading his powerful and well-written coming out post sharing his story growing up knowing he was different, dealing with shame and associated coping mechanisms, deciding to serve a mission, and finding great healing and hope on his mission.   It is a deeply authentic story of being honest, vulnerable, finding God, and finding peace that James is exactly who God created and wants him to be. 
 
We then discuss his coming out post and his future.  
 
I was so moved listening to James and his courage to be open and his ability to help others find God, remove shame, and find hope in their lives.   I was also moved by James spiritual maturity and understanding of core gospel principles to navigate his future.
 
If you are a LGBTQ Latter-day Saint, a parent of a queer child, an ally, or a local leader—I encourage you to listen to James’ story and share it with others.   Thank you, James, for being on the podcast.  You are a good man and will continue to bless many lives.   Honored to have you on the podcast.
 
Links:
 
James Google Document:  https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yK07P9h3mNY9YxdzYhmmHRdAW7uyaH1TWAUbIikPhcw/edit?fbclid=IwAR38ebW2wd3DbxKLYhGNoHc3Y4xl1Qs5xxnH3g2Twb09_pYQpGZduTYdB34
 
James’ e-mail:  jimmydsmart@gmail.com
 
James’ cell:  208-390-7722
 
James’ Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100020344095709
 
James’ Instagram:  @james.d.smart

Episode 364: Ryan Michael Painter, Author, Gay Father Died of AIDS

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