Women beware! A new form of negging has emerged. If you followed a hook-up on Instagram, but he didn't follow you back, it could be INSTA-NEGGING. A trans man iplans to do a lot more butt sex once he has bottom surgery. How can he prepare on a daily basis? On the Magnum, is it ever ok to leave your wife when you are in your 70s? Dan and senior sex writer Joan Price disagree... And, a lesbian begs all those straight couples who pour into lesbian bars at closing time looking for women to be in a threeway with them to Please. Just. Stop. 206-302-2064  voicemail@savagelovecast.com     This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at  and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase.         This episode of the Savage Lovecast is sponsored by OMGyes.com: a website dedicated to getting scientific truths out about women's sexual pleasure. Savage Lovecast listeners can get a discount if they go to .     This episode is brought to you by Talkspace- online therapy that makes it easy to get extra mental health support. For $100 off your first month, go to  and use the offer code Savage.

Savage Love Episode 769

Dan Savage, America's only advice columnist, answers your sex questions and yaps about politics. To record a question for Dan to be answered in a later podcast, record your question and send it to Q@Savage.Love, or call 206-302-2064. For a much longer version of the show, with no ads, visit savage.love and get yourself a subscription.

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A woman moved into a new house and promptly slept with her roommate. It was great sex and the caller wants a repeat. He claims he wants more as well, but then never actually takes her up on it. One night she asked if he wanted to...you know...do it, and he chose to play video games for 14 hours instead. So. 
A veteran of the polyamorous lifestyle would like to push back on the idea that you can sleep with people and avoid catching feelings. It's just not a realistic rule, says this pragmatic lady. What do you think?
On the Magnum, Dan chats with Alexandra Petri- humor columnist for the Washington Post. They talk about comedy writing in these dark times, and Alexandra helps answer a question about horny fantasy titles creeping into a woman's bookclub. 
A woman is enjoying a friends-with-benefits situation with a man in an open marriage. She's beginning to fall in love with him in fact. But he and his wife are trying to get pregnant, and he has made it clear that the instant they see that pink line, he must switch to friends-only as he focuses on fatherhood. How can the caller protect her heart when she knows this relationship has an expiration date? 

How indeed? 
Q@Savage.Love     206-302-2064

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Savage Lovecast Episode 912

A woman's boyfriend wants her to play with his ass. But she doesn't know where to begin. Fingers? Tongue? What should she do down there? 
A woman keeps getting harassed by men in cars jacking it and watching her creepily. What can she do in these unpleasant moments?
On the Magnum Dan chats with journalist Ben Ryan about the effects of PrEP in gay sex culture. As DAN PREDICTED, with the rise of PrEP use, HIV infections plummeted, but other STIs are on the rise. Are condoms dead? Not so fast. 
Finally, a lesbian couple are planning to have children. First one will carry the baby, then it will be the other one's turn for the second child. The mother of the woman who will carry the first baby blurted out that she was excited to be the bio grandmother. The non-bio mom-to-be was offended, and doesn't know how to let it go. When they have their second child will the grandmother love the child as much? 

Q@Savage.Love     206-302-2064

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Savage Lovecast Episode 911

A gay man keeps sleeping with non-monogamous, married men, who are ultimately emotionally unavailable. But the sex is great! Why isn't he attracted to single men, hmmmm? 
Parenting challenge ahoy! A couple with a blended family are getting along well, except for one thing. The mom's 15 year-old daughter loses her mind when she hears them having sex. She bangs on the wall, and makes retching noises when they kiss or otherwise show affection. How can they (respectfully) shut this behavior down? 
On the Magnum, you'll delight in this conversation with Dr. Eric Sprankle, author of the new book, "DIY: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation." Why are so many religions hung up on self-pleasure? Is semen retention good or bad for you? And those cute little fetuses you see on anti-abortion billboards? They're totally spanking it. 
And, hear the tale of Willy and Wendy. One wild evening, a woman and her boyfriend had their pal "Willy" over. They did some MDMA, and tumbled into bed together. Then, the texts started coming in from "Wendy," Willy's girlfriend. The caller had assumed that everything would be ok with Wendy, as they must be in an open relationship. Not so! Now, Willy has some explaining to do, and the caller feels real bad. 

Q@Savage.Love         206-302-2064

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Savage Lovecast Episode 910

For this episode of Sex & Politics, Dan speaks with Rob Henderson, author of "Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class." Rob's heart-breaking memoir goes into his wrenching childhood, and also his concept of "luxury beliefs," - sanctimonious ideas that the upper classes advocate for, but usually don't follow themselves, and ultimately hurt the poor and working class. Henderson includes non-monogamy as a luxury belief, and as you can imagine, Dan ain't havin' it. 
This is a 20 minute taste of Sex & Politics. The Magnum version of this conversation goes on for over an hour- and that's where Dan and Rob go toe-to-toe over traditional vs. open relationships. To hear the rest of the interview, subscribe to the Magnum at Savage.Love.


Hear their polite argument, and tell us what you think in the comments!

Sex & Politics #28: Micro Version

So, is he gay? The evidence: He likes sucking wieners, anal play, and he has a sex machine that he uses on his butt. Also, he is showing less and less interest in having sex with the caller, and when she asks him about it he responds "Is sex all you care about?" 
An anxious cougar is suspicious of the young men who hit on her. Why would they want to be with someone twice their age? She knows she should count her blessings, and her friends all roll their eyes at her discomfort. How can she get out of her head about this and enjoy the youthful dick already? 
Our guest this week is Rhaina Cohen, author of "The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center." She and Dan talk about the state of friendship in our culture, how friendship takes a backseat to romantic love, and how we put way too much pressure on our partners to be our everything. A little is on the Micro and all of it is on the Magnum. 
"Good girl." That's what he tells her when they're doing a scene. But it's also what she says to her dogs! It takes her right out of the moment. Any other verbiage they could use? 

Q@Savage.Love      206-302-2064


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This episode is brought to you by Liberator: makers of an amazing amount of shapes and other products that fuel your desires AND make sex easier, better, and longer. Go to LIBERATOR.com and use the promo code “SAVAGE” to save 40% off the best-selling Wedge Ramp Combo. Liberator wants BETTER SEX FOR EVERYBODY, and that starts with YOU.

Savage Love Episode 769

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