It's so, so hard to let go...   In the aftermath of a breakup or even divorce, many people continue on with their Ex in quasi-relationship "situationships." Living with their Ex, having sex with an Ex, being hang-out buddies with an Ex, or texting back and forth with an Ex are all common.  While this is understandable, it's also destructive. As a therapist, marriage counselor, and breakup recovery expert, I have had a ring-side seat to many, many relationships, divorces and breakup recovery situations. I've spoken to the broken hearted, as well as to their Exes and have learned a lot about why. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm sharing my perspective on:  Why people going through breakups often do self-destructive things in order to maintain their connection with their Ex Why having sex with an Ex is always damaging (but only to one of you) The power dynamics at work in every breakup How your Ex really feels about hooking up with you What post-breakup purgatory is really about… and what it does to your self esteem The magical thinking that people going through breakups are vulnerable to How to cut the cord and set yourself free  All the best,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Ps: We discussed a number of resources in this episode. Here are the links to learn more:  The Stages of Healing From a Breakup  Our Online Breakup Recovery and Support Group Heal Your Broken Heart Breakup Recovery Program Our Facebook group   

#147 - Should You Have Sex With Your Ex?

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If you've lived through a divorce, or you're going through one now, you know that ending a marriage comes with a lot of regrets. You might regret not trying harder to save your marriage when you had the chance, or, if the divorce was your choice, you might have difficult moments when you regret your decision. You might even regret marrying your Ex in the first place! Whatever flavor of divorce regret you're experiencing, this episode is for you. I'm talking about how you can not only cope with regret after divorce, but how you can use it to start a positive new chapter in your life.  You'll learn:  03:04  The Purpose of Regret in Healing after a Breakup or Divorce 10:10 Regret's and Its Relationship to Grief 11:07  Shifting Your Perspective on Mistakes and Regret 12:21  Learning from Regret to Build Healthier Relationships 13:47  Differentiating Healthy Regret from Shame 16:43  Exploring Regret through Journaling and Therapy 22:19  Creating a Constructive Narrative that Helps You Grow 24:04 Using Regret as a Catalyst for Change    All of that and more on today's episode. I hope you find this conversation helpful and healing, and that it gives you hope for all the positive things that are still ahead of you.     xoxo,    Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby     P.S. — Want support in healing after a breakup or divorce? Get in touch: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/ 

#397 - After Divorce: The Gift of Regret

Do you have a habit of giving too much in relationships? Maybe you say "yes" when you really want to say no, or you offer much more emotional and material support than you receive in return.  All of this sounds noble, but overgiving is a habit that will eventually wear you down (and, that will keep you from having truly satisfying relationships based on mutuality). So how can you stop being an "over-giver" and start creating healthy give and take in your relationships? That's what we're talking about on today's episode.  I've worked with many clients over the years who were card-carrying overgivers. They were all smart, strong, competent people who excel at getting stuff done. The flip side of these strengths can be a habit of over-functioning in relationships, which leads the people around them to underfunction. The result is a situation where they HAVE to do it all, because otherwise, everything will fall apart.  At least that's how it feels. In reality, when you stop over-giving, you open up space for the people around you to step up. Some of them may disappoint you, but often, you will be pleasantly surprised at how the people around you rise to the occassion. You can stop feeling guilty, resentful, overwhelmed, and unappreciated, and start having the nourishing relationships you deserve.  This episode will show you the way! You'll learn:    Why overgiving is damaging to your relationships and your wellbeing What overgiving looks like Why you overgive in relationships How to stop being an overgiver  Tips for setting healthy boundaries  Creating balance through the power of vulnerability and authenticity.   All of that and more for you on today's show. I hope you'll join me!  xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby  P.S. — If you want to break this habit once and for all, we should talk. Schedule a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/ 

#396 - Are You an Over-Giver in Relationships? How to Start Receiving

Has the sexual intimacy in your relationship dwindled to almost nothing? Or, do you long to feel desired by your partner, but instead feel like you're being rejected? If so, this episode is for you. You'll learn why  sexless marriages (or sexless relationships of any kind) happen, and how to reignite the spark with your partner and cultivate the physical and emotional intimacy you crave.  When couples stop having sex, it can be a sign that their relationships are suffering in other ways as well. They may be feeling lonely and emotionally disconnected from each other. Often, there's resentment or an old emotional wound that hasn't been healed. Sexuality can be the canary in the coal mine that lets you know your relationship is in trouble.   It takes courage to explore the root causes of a "dead bedroom." But doing so is the path to rekindling the passion you want and deserve.  On today's episode, I'm answering a question from a listener who's feeling adrift in his sexless marriage, and offering some universal advice that will help every couple communicate better about sex, understand each other more deeply, and keep the spark alive for the long haul.  Tune in to learn:  00:00  The Impact of Dead Bedrooms 04:41  The Importance of Addressing Sexless Marriages 19:23  The Difficulty of Talking About Sexuality 23:34  The Process of Restoring a Healthy Sex Life 30:01  The Meaning and Significance of Sexuality in a Relationship 35:03  Exploring the Complexities of Sexuality 41:19  The Process of Creating Lasting Change in Your Relationship    I hope you'll join me!     And, if you'd like to talk with a Growing Self sex therapist about restoring sexual intimacy in your relationship, schedule a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/     xoxo,     Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby 

#395 — Dear Lisa: 'My Sexless Marriage Is Killing Me!'

Lisa here with exciting news! I've launched a new podcast, Love, Happiness, and Success for Therapists, designed specifically for therapists seeking support and community. If you're a therapist, I hope you join me! (And if you know a therapist, I hope you pass this on to them!) Every week on this podcast I'll be speaking with thought leaders in our field, and drawing from years of experience as a clinical supervisor and leader Growing Self — a mission driven, growth oriented private practice that supports and cares for 50+ therapists. We'll be fearlessly tackling the unique challenges we face, while focusing on personal and professional growth, our own mental and emotional wellbeing, and staying true to our highest purpose. Join me in exploring how we, as therapists, can learn, grow, and evolve, in order to be the most trustworthy and effective supporters of our clients. We'll be discussing best practices and pro tips, plus ways to care for ourselves while continuing to help others. Discover more and listen to episodes at GrowingSelf.com/therapists,  Apple Podcast, Spotify,  or YouTube. Connect with me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram  for additional support tailored just for you, my therapist friends. My hope is that this podcast becomes our space to rejuvenate and enhance our ability to care for others. Tune in to Love, Happiness, and Success for Therapists and let's make a difference together. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Ps: You can learn more about the show here, and this is the link to pass on to anyone you think could benefit from tuning into Love, Happiness, and Success For Therapists! GrowingSelf.com/therapists

Introducing Love, Happiness, and Success FOR THERAPISTS!

Chemistry in relationships: it’s that spark, that zing that draws you to someone and makes you crave their touch. When it’s missing, we worry that something’s wrong. (And sometimes, it is). But did you know that intense chemistry can also sometimes be a relationship red flag? And that healthy, strong relationships may not always have as much sizzle? AND it’s also possible to cultivate the chemistry you crave. Ready for more? On today’s episode, you’ll learn:    What chemistry really is (and what it isn’t)   How to avoid the relationship problems chemistry can create   How to cultivate chemistry in your relationships   And more!   Understanding chemistry and learning how to work with it can transform your relationships, and that’s why I’m so excited to share this with you. Join me, and get a fresh perspective that will open your eyes, and change the way you feel about your relationships (for the better!) Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby  P.S. — Ready to transform your relationships? Get in touch: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/ 

#147 - Should You Have Sex With Your Ex?

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