Sofia Adler: In an attempt to be completely honest andvulnerable, I want to share that I’m going through a tough time emotionally. It’s a big transition period for me, which is exciting, but hard. I know deep down that this time of my life is simply the start of something new and exciting. Nonetheless, there are many unknowns ahead. The feelings I’m wading through right now aren’t easy; I have negative emotions far more than positive emotions these days.

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I’m sharing all of this because I’m working on being more honest with myself and others about how I’m feeling. I’ve made this honesty part of my awareness practice, which helps me shift my attention from ruminating over what’s wrong and focus on the steps I’m taking to get myself back on track, feel more aligned and reconnect to myself. I know I’m shedding parts of my old self so I can welcome in the new and step into who I’m meant to (and want to!) be.

IT’S TRUE: WE TEACH WHAT WE NEED TO LEARN

My recommitment to a strong awareness practice validates the common saying that we teach the lessons we ourselves need to learn. So, in the spirit of this wise message, I want to introduce some relevant positive psychology research by Barbara Fredrickson on positive emotions. Fredrickson's research provides a “how” for overcoming, or at least lessening, the grip of negative emotions. Before I do that however, I want to remind you that we need to honor both the positive and negative parts of our lives. As Francis Bacon once said, “In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present”. One can’t exist without the other.

It is often those times of darkness that help us appreciate the light that much more.

REMEMBER: THE GOOD CAN’T EXIST WITHOUT THE BAD!

I bring this point up again because I don’t want you to walk away from this post thinking you should only focus on positive emotions. It’s common to receive advice to focus on the good as a solution to our problems, which isn't necessarily a bad thing (and a message that I share with others too!), but it has to be taken in the right context.

It can be frustrating – even irritating – to receive advice that implies you should ignore what you’re struggling with and see the world through rose colored glasses. I’ve felt this way a lot lately; I’ve been reminded of how hard it can be to focus on the good when the going gets tough. If it’s hard for you too, I hope my story reminds you that no one – and I mean no one – is perfect. We are all in this together.

LET’S TALK ABOUT OUR EMOTIONS

Both positive and negative emotions are momentary by nature. Nonetheless, emotions don’t always feel fleeting. They may arise quickly in response to a thought or event, but they can also have a lasting effect on our beliefs, decisions and actions. Our emotions thus directly impact how we live our lives.

Psychology research on emotions