February 03, 2022

Somewhere Between The Rage and the Silence: Mastering Self-Regulation | Part 2/3 on Emotional Intelligence | ’ask dorothy’ | The WISDOM podcast | S3 E19

24 minutes

Somewhere Between The Rage and the Silence: Mastering Self-Regulation

'ask dorothy' | A Real Life Client Story

Part 2/3 on Emotional Intelligence

The WISDOM podcast Season 3 Episode 19

"Self-Regulation is one of the five basic competencies of emotional intelligence."

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Timestamps:

What if you grew up in a household where one parent would lose their cool a lot?

They would yell at the top of their lungs whether in general frustration or as a means of calling attention to something that you or one of your siblings wasn’t doing or was doing that you shouldn’t be.

What if both parents did that and it became a normative culture to witness raised voices every time someone was frustrated or angry?

What if yelling by one or both parents was taught as acceptable based on the rationalization that ‘yelling is the only way for me to get you to listen.”

Or, perhaps in your home you witnessed one or both parents blaming another person or a situation for how they feel. For example, making an external condition the source of one’s stress rather than looking to one’s thoughts and perceptions as the cause of one’s feelings.

We all have experiences growing up of how difficult emotions were demonstrated.

Anger, sadness and anxiety are the three most common emotions that we struggle with.

How you learned to express your emotions is largely a facet of what you were taught; what was shown repeatedly and what therefore became normalized.

Welcome to part two in this three part series on Emotional Intelligence. I would like to set the record by stating we all have learned from our caregivers how to display emotions.

Whether inappropriate and unhealthy such as in the examples I cited earlier, or as in some households, at first glance it would seem that no one ever gets angry.

Everyone seems so pleasant and calm. In some families difficult and unwanted emotions are rarely shared and expressed openly.

You may have learned to choke back what you feel; to store it away; to not let others really know what is bothering you, or how angry you really are.

In part one of this series on Emotional intelligence, I shared my client Anastasia’s story of how one situation – one critical moment became the tipping point that changed her life forever; and that became the precipice for building what was an absence of emotional regulation and other basic competencies such as empathy and self-awareness.

If you haven’t yet, please listen next to part one, and then join me as we wrap up this series in part three and the true story of another client – and how in honing the skills (the competencies) of emotional intelligence, helped to overcome the experiences of their past trauma.

Here in part two, I share the impact of emotional dysregulation as it specifically relates to living in a state of constant amygdala hijacking and how the psychological stresses (whether real or imagined) can create a feedback loop of reacting to stress.

You are about to meet my client Gary* and his wife Silvana*. Each member of this couple was in a constant state of dysregulation - and both triggered by the other's reaction to their expression of emotion.

To help, I share the three best strategies (used in conjunction with each other) to successfully self-regulate emotions. If you've ever lost control of your emotions, you'll want to learn these effective strategies!! Join me!

* The names of my c

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