Ep 5: Struggling With Loss (You’re Not Alone!)

We never planned on recording this episode, but you know how much it matters to us to be open and honest with you. We’ll never pretend that everything is perfect; we value you enough that we want to be vulnerable with you.

Not long ago, we announced that we were pregnant. Jamie felt deep down that this was going to be a great pregnancy… until she started spotting. This can be totally normal for some women and some pregnancies, but Jamie had the exact same symptoms with our angel baby, Jonathan. Unfortunately, for us, the spotting indicated that there was a problem.

If you haven’t heard, we had a (failed) miscarriage. We were so excited for this pregnancy, but part of us was guarded because we had lost a pregnancy before, even as we tried to stay positive. It’s amazing how hard it is to stay calm and stress-free while accepting that you can’t control whether your pregnancy has a successful outcome.

Of course, this brings up a lot of complicated thoughts and emotions. We’re so happy for our friends who are due around the same time we were, but at the same time, it’s impossible to avoid feeling sorrow that we’re not going to be having a baby with them. Something we’re grateful for is that we went against the conventional wisdom of waiting to tell people about a pregnancy; how can they support you through your loss if you don’t tell them? On that note, we’re so grateful for the outpouring of love. Thank you for helping us to get through things.

If you’re wondering what you should (and shouldn’t) say to someone who has suffered from a loss, don’t miss this episode. We’ll discuss some tips, and list some specific things you absolutely shouldn’t say (even if they’re true for us). For example, don’t ever say things like, “At least you know you can get pregnant,” “You weren’t that far along,” or “This miscarriage must be easier than the last one.” Things you can say include, “I’m thinking of you,” “This baby will never be forgotten,” “I’m so sorry for your loss,” and “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.” Even better is to sit and just listen!

We don’t want you to ever feel alone. If you’ve suffered with fertility in any way, and you feel like there’s no one you can talk to about it, please reach out to us! So many of us go through these things, and no one should ever feel like they don’t have someone on their side.

Finally, we’ll chat about Jamie’s book, Wifey 101! Tune into the episode to hear what it’s about and get a taste of what you’ll read when you buy it. (Plus you’ll learn how to get a signed copy!)

Links and Resources:

Married at First Sight

Hot Marriage. Cool Parents. on YouTube

Jamie Otis

Wifey 101 by Jamie Otis

hotmarriagecoolparents on Instagram

Jamie Otis on Instagram

Doug Hehner on Instagram

Miracles in the Making

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