This special episode weaves together the experiences of five queer artists who've navigated the exhausting terrain between authentic self and performed safety. From Matt Fishel's childhood joy being "bullied out" of him to Blake Mundell's voluntary enrollment in conversion therapy, these stories map the psychological geography of concealment.

Each artist reveals how constant self-monitoring becomes second nature - whether it's Ty McKinnie learning not to talk with his hands or Vincent di Geronimo facing daily violence in small-town Connecticut. Yet these aren't simply survival stories. They're testimonies to the peculiar alchemy that transforms hidden pain into visible art, showing how queer resilience isn't about overcoming but about finding unexpected pathways through.

Timestamped Takeaways

• [00:01:33] Childhood transformation: Matt Fishel recalls when joy turned to vigilance at age 11
• [00:02:56] Geographic isolation: Vincent di Geronimo's move from NYC to Connecticut brings immediate violence
• [00:05:37] Performative masculinity: Blake Mundell maintains image through sports and "manly" activities
• [00:06:44] Accidental outing: Aruan's preference for Wham! over Madness exposes him in classroom
• [00:10:57] Physical withdrawal: Matt Fishel becomes recluse after serious beating in Nottingham
• [00:11:57] Conversion therapy: Blake voluntarily enrolls seeking to eliminate "sinful desires"
• [00:13:42] Suicide attempt: Blake's confidential letter to pastor gets weaponised by church
• [00:19:06] Classroom cruelty: Vincent faces normalised homophobia in maths class
• [00:20:15] Body language policing: Ty McKinnie's father forbids talking with hands
• [00:21:43] Unexpected liberation: Blake finds freedom through telling friend's story
• [00:24:23] Musical salvation: Aruan discovers community through Prince and Bowie
• [00:26:37] Industry rejection: Matt Fishel told by labels to "cut the gay content"

Guest Bio

This special episode features five remarkable artists from the podcast's first season in 2021: UK-based Matt Fishel and Aruan, alongside US artists Vincent di Geronimo, Blake Mundell (performing as Courier), and Ty McKinnie. Each brings their unique perspective on navigating queer identity through music.

Resource List

• Matt Fishel's music: mattfishel.com
• Ty McKinnie's work: tymckinnie.com
• Courier (Blake Mundell): therealcourier.com
• Vincent di Geronimo: vincentdigeronimo.com

Remastered and extended series 1 episodes:

• Matt Fishel
• Ty McKinnie
• Aruan
• Blake Mundell / Courier
• SADBOY
• Brendan Maclean
• Wuhryn Dumas
• JSky
• Paul Andrews
• Vincent diGeronimo

Links

• Read deep dives into our queer lives at the blog HERE.
• Check out the official podcast playlist on Spotify.
• Follow the podcast on: Instagram • Tik Tok • Facebook
• See producer and presenter Dan Hall's other work HERE (subtitled version HERE).
• Find composer Paul Leonidou HERE.
• Listen to other episodes HERE.