The Allusionist

90. Dear Santa

Jim Glaub and Dylan Parker didn’t think too much of it when, every year, a handful of letters were delivered to their New York apartment addressed to Santa. But then one year, 400 letters arrived. And they decided they had to answer them. Find out more about this episode at http://theallusionist.org/dear-santa, and visit http://miracleon22ndstreet.com to learn more about the nonprofit Jim and Dylan now run, donate, and get involved. The Allusionist is a member of Radiotopia from PRX, a collective of the best podcasts on the interwaves. Hear all the shows at http://radiotopia.fm – and if you can afford to help our shows keep going, become a donor in our 2018 fundraiser at https://www.radiotopia.fm/donate-2018z. The Allusionist’s online home is http://theallusionist.org. Stay in touch at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow. And come to see the debut performance of the brand new Allusionist 2019 live show at SF Sketchfest, 7.30pm 25 January! Tickets are on sale now: https://tinyurl.com/allusionistSFsketchfest2019 Today’s episode is sponsored by Care/Of, a monthly subscription service that delivers personalised vitamin packs to your door. It’s like an advent calendar full of health supplements! For 25% off your first month of personalised Care/of vitamins, visit TakeCareOf.com and enter the discount code ALLUSIONIST.

88. Name Changers

Why did you change your name? And why did you choose the name you chose? Listeners answer these two questions. Hear their stories of gender identity, family fallouts, marriages, divorces, doxxing, cults, and…just not liking your given name very much. Find more about this episode at http://theallusionist.org/name-changers. This episode is part of Name Season here at the Allusionist, along with episode 83. Yes, As In, about having a name that is more usually a noun or adjective; 86. Name Therapy, about the issues people face with their names; and 87. Name v. Law, about the Icelandic Naming Committee and a name change that took 25 years. The Allusionist live tour is ON NOW, at cities in the US and Canada during October and November 2018: show listings are at http://theallusionist.org/events. The Allusionist’s online home is http://theallusionist.org. Stay in touch at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow. The Allusionist is a member of Radiotopia from PRX, a collective of the best podcasts on the interwaves. Hear all the shows at http://radiotopia.fm. Thanks to today’s sponsors: SQUARESPACE. Design your website at squarespace.com/allusion, and use the offer code ALLUSION to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. BOMBAS. Shop for expertly engineered socks at bombas.com/allusionist and save 20% by entering the offer ALLUSIONIST in the checkout code space.

86. Name Therapy

“It’s the word that you use the most often and the soonest to describe yourself, and yet nobody’s really ever talked about how it kind of makes me feel like this.” Until Duana Taha, who, after a lifetime of feelings about her own unique name, became the Name Therapist. Duana offers advice on how to name your baby/future adult, so their name works shouted across a playground, whispered into an ear, scribbled on a coffee cup. She also deals with your concerns about being named after a relative or parent’s ex, having a name that elicits playground taunts, or doesn’t describe you as an individual at all. Find more about this episode at http://theallusionist.org/name-therapy. The Allusionist live tour is ON NOW, at cities in the US and Canada during October and November 2018: show listings are at http://theallusionist.org/events. The Allusionist’s online home is http://theallusionist.org. Stay in touch at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow. The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia from PRX, a collective of the best podcasts on the interwaves. Hear all the shows at http://radiotopia.fm. Thanks to today’s sponsors: SQUARESPACE. Design your website at squarespace.com/allusion, and use the offer code ALLUSION to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. BOMBAS. Shop for expertly engineered socks at bombas.com/allusionist and save 20% by entering the offer ALLUSIONIST in the checkout code space.

84. Trammels

Why would you write books or poems or plays with only one vowel? Or in palindromes? Or only using the example sentences in dictionaries? Sometimes you need to force yourself to jump a few hurdles (and perhaps the rest of the obstacle course) before your creativity will be unleashed. Find more about this episode at theallusionist.org/trammels. Jez Burrows is the author of the book Dictionary Stories, which is out now; find his work at jezburrows.com. Ross Sutherland makes the podcast Imaginary Advice; find him at rosssutherland.co.uk. The Allusionist live tour comes to the US, Canada, Britain and Ireland during autumn 2018: show listings are at http://theallusionist.org/events. The Allusionist’s online home is http://theallusionist.org. Stay in touch at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow. The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia from PRX, a collective of the best podcasts on the interwaves. Hear all the shows at http://radiotopia.fm. Thanks to today’s sponsors: SQUARESPACE. Design your website at squarespace.com/allusion, and use the offer code ALLUSION to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. BOMBAS. Shop for expertly engineered socks at bombas.com/allusionist and save 20% by entering the offer ALLUSIONIST in the checkout code space.

82. A Novel Remedy

When you’re feeling unwell, what’s the book you read to make yourself feel better? And why does it work? Clinical psychologist Jane Gregory explains why she sometimes prescribes novel-reading to her patients; and academic Guy Cuthbertson tells how post-WW1 Britain was soothed by Agatha Christie. Find out more about this episode at http://theallusionist.org/convalescence. The Allusionist live tour comes to the US, Canada, Britain and Ireland during autumn 2018: live show listings are at http://theallusionist.org/events. If your town is not listed, check back soon, because more gigs will soon be added. The Allusionist’s online home is http://theallusionist.org. Stay in touch at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow. The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia from PRX, a collective of the best podcasts on the interwaves. Hear all the shows at http://radiotopia.fm. Thanks to today’s sponsors, Squarespace and Audible. Design your own website using Squarespace: try it out at squarespace.com/allusion, then use the offer code ALLUSION for a 10% discount off your first purchase of a website or domain. Audible has a huge library of audiobooks, including many classics of convalescence literature. Listeners in the USA can get a free audiobook by taking out a thirty-day trial at audible.com/allusionist, or by texting ALLUSIONIST to 500500.

Imaginary Advice: S.E.I.N.F.E.L.D.

Hello! I’m currently in hospital so am having to take a little time off work. Therefore, instead of a new Allusionist episode today, here’s my favourite audio piece I’ve heard this year: ‘S.E.I.N.F.E.L.D.’ from Ross Sutherland’s podcast Imaginary Advice. NB: the episode contains a couple of Strong Terms. Hear more Imaginary Advice episodes – some of my favourites are ‘Six House Parties’ and ‘Me Versus The Spar (parts 1-7)’ – and find the show’s live dates and Patreon, at imaginaryadvice.com.  The Allusionist will be recuperating for a bit, but should be back at the end of July. In the meantime, catch up on all the previous episodes and goad all your beloved friends and acquaintances to do likewise. Thanks to Babbel for their support of the show. Get 50% off your first three months of Babbel’s language-learning apps by visiting babbel.com/allusionist and using the code ‘ALLUSION’.

79. Queer

Strange or obtuse; a stinging homophobic slur; a radical political rejection of normativity; a broad term encompassing every and any variation on sexual orientation and gender identity: the word ‘queer’ has a multifarious past and complicated present. Tracing its movements are Kathy Tu and Tobin Low from Nancy podcast, Eric Marcus from Making Gay History, historian and author Amy Sueyoshi, and Jonathan Van Ness from Queer Eye.  Find out more about this episode at http://theallusionist.org/queer. Content note: this episodes contains discussions of sexuality and sexual acts, as well as some problematic terms. See the Allusionist live in Australia and New Zealand in the next month: show listings are at http://theallusionist.org/events The Allusionist’s online home is http://theallusionist.org. Stay in touch at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow. The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia from PRX, a collective of the best podcasts on the interwaves. Hear all the shows at http://radiotopia.fm. This episode is sponsored by Bombas and Babbel. Get a 20% discount on Bombas’s expertly engineered socks by visiting http://bombas.com/allusionist and entering the offer ALLUSIONIST in the checkout code space. There are fourteen languages you can learn via Babbel, the number 1 selling language app in the world. To get 50% off your first 3 months of Babbel, use the code ALLUSION when you go to babbel.com/allusion.

42+43. Survival: The Key rerun

To accompany the current Allusionist miniseries Survival, about minority languages facing suppression and extinction, we’re revisiting this double bill of The Key episodes about why languages die and how they can be resuscitated. The Rosetta Stone and its modern equivalent the Rosetta Disk preserve writing systems to be read by future generations. But how do those generations decipher text that wasn’t written with the expectation of requiring decipherment? Features mild scenes of linguistic apocalypse. Find out more about this episode at http://theallusionist.org/survival-key. The Allusionist’s online home is http://theallusionist.org. Stay in touch at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow. The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia from PRX, a collective of the best podcasts on the interwaves. Hear all the shows at http://radiotopia.fm. I have several events coming up – live Allusionists and Bugles and the Radiotopia tour. Check the listings at http://theallusionist.org/events This episode is sponsored by Babbel and Bombas. Babbel offers interactive fun courses to learn 14 different languages. To get 50% off your first 3 months of Babbel, use the code ALLUSION when you go to babbel.com/allusion. You can get a 20% discount on Bombas’s expertly engineered socks by visiting http://bombas.com/allusionist and entering the offer ALLUSIONIST in the checkout code space.

76. Across the Pond

Pavement/sidewalk; football/soccer; bum bag/fanny pack: we know that the English language is different in the UK and the USA. But why? Linguist Lynne Murphy points out the geographical, cultural and social influences that separate the common language. Find out more about this episode at http://theallusionist.org/across-the-pond. The Allusionist’s online home is http://theallusionist.org. Stay in touch at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow. The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia from PRX, a collective of the best podcasts on the interwaves. Hear all the shows at http://radiotopia.fm. Radiotopia is going on tour! Join us in May at theatres in Atlanta, Durham, DC, Philly, NYC and Boston. Get your tickets at http://radiotopia.fm/live. You can also see the Allusionist live in Australia – http://theallusionist.org/events Today’s sponsors are Squarespace and Babbel. Start your website at http://squarespace.com/allusion and to get a 10% discount off your first purchase of a website or domain, use the code ALLUSION. Learn a new language with Babbel and get 50% off your first 3 months: use the code ALLUSION when you go to http://babbel.com/allusion.

74. Take A Swear Pill

CONTENT WARNING: there is swearing in this episode. But the happy news is: swearing is good for you! Dr Emma Byrne, author of Swearing Is Good For You, explains how swearing can be beneficial to your physical health and emotional wellbeing, while Matt Fidler of Very Bad Words podcast gives some tips to ensure you swear properly to optimise the positive effects. Find out more about this episode at http://theallusionist.org/swear-pill. The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia from PRX, a collective of the best podcasts on the interwaves. Hear them all at http://radiotopia.fm, and see several of us perform live in May on the Radiotopia East Coast Tour. Tickets are on sale now at http://radiotopia.fm/live. Today’s sponsors are: i. Squarespace: start building your website at http://squarespace.com, and when you sign up, use the offer code ALLUSION for 10% off your first purchase of your website or domain. ii. Babbel, the world’s no.1 selling language learning app. To get 50% off your first 3 months of learning one of 14 languages, go to http://babbel.com/allusion and use the code ALLUSION. The show’s online home is http://theallusionist.org. Stay in touch at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow.

72. Hey

“Hey.” “Going to the supermarket, want me to get you anything?” “Puppies or ice cream?” “What’s your glasses prescription?” “I wanna ***** your *********.” If you’ve used a dating app, maybe you’ve received one of the above messages from a stranger, or sent them. Striking up an interaction with someone is a tricky business. Why Oh Why and Longest Shortest Time host Andrea Silenzi opens up her phone to analyse the kinds of opening messages people send on dating apps, and how easily they can land badly. Find out more about this episode at http://theallusionist.org/hey, and hear Andrea hosting The Longest Shortest Time podcast on your podblasters of choice. Content note: this episode contains a couple of instances of Adult Language and references to Adult Behaviours. Today’s sponsors are Squarespace – try it out at http://squarespace.com, and when you sign up, use the offer code ALLUSION – and Inflection Point with Lauren Schiller which you can hear on all the podcatchers and at https://www.inflectionpointradio.org. The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia from PRX, a collective of the best podcasts on the interwaves. Hear them all at http://radiotopia.fm. The show’s online home is http://theallusionist.org. Stay in touch at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow.

70. Bonus 2017

It’s the annual bonus episode. Throughout the year, the people who appear on the show tell me a lot of interesting stuff, not all of which is relevant to the episode they initially appeared in, so I stash it away in preparation for this moment. This year, hear about the history of roller skates, zazzification, giant origami, the heat death of the universe and more. Find information about this episode at http://theallusionist.org/bonus2017. Come to see the live Allusionist show at SF Sketchfest, 10pm 12 January at the Brava Theater in San Francisco. Tickets are on sale now at http://tinyurl.com/allusionistsfsketchfest2017. The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia from PRX, a collective of the best podcasts on the interwaves. Hear them at http://radiotopia.fm. Thanks to Mailchimp for sponsoring this episode. http://mailchimp.com. The show’s online home is http://theallusionist.org. Stay in touch at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow.

68. Curse Soup

Somebody has really ticked you off. You’re all steamed up inside and you want to vent that rage using words, but you don’t want to confront them directly because you’re either too polite or too cowardly. So do you: A. Subtweet them. B. With your finger, scrawl an insulting message into the dirt on their car. C. Get a small sheet of lead, scratch into it a message cursing your enemies, roll it up and throw it into your nearest sacred spring? Oh, I forgot to mention that it’s 1700-2000 years ago and you’re living in the Ancient Roman Empire, so the answer is C. Stephen Clews, the manager of the Roman baths at Bath, shows us the curses that were sloshing around in the waters for hundreds of years. NB One category A and one category B swear appear in this episode. Find out more about this episode at http://theallusionist.org/curse-tablets. The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia from PRX, a collective of the best podcasts on the interwaves. Hear them all at http://radiotopia.fm. The show’s online home is http://theallusionist.org. Stay in touch at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow.

66. Open Me part I

From Me To You’s Alison Hitchcock and Brian Greenley didn’t know each other well. But when Brian was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, Alison offered to write him letters. 100 letters later, their lives were changed. One of the newest members of Radiotopia is Ear Hustle, a podcast made inside San Quentin by and about the men incarcerated there, in collaboration with Nigel Poor. In prison, a letter is a precious thing. Find out more about this episode at http://theallusionist.org/open-me-1. The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia from PRX, a collective of the best podcasts on the interwaves. It’s Radiotopia’s annual fundraiser: to keep our shows going, become a supporter (and get some excellent gifts!) at http://radiotopia.fm. The show’s online home is http://theallusionist.org. Stay in touch at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow.

64. Technobabble

You’ve encountered technobabble when Doc Brown is shouting about flux capacitors in Back To The Future, or when Isaac Asimov writes about positronic brains. Astrophysicist Katie Mack and NASA JPL technologist Manan Arya discuss how science fact relates to science fiction. This episode is a collaboration with Eric Molinsky of Imaginary Worlds; listen to his episode about technobabble, featuring ACTUAL HOLLYWOOD TECHNOBABBLERS, at http://imaginaryworldspodcast.org. The show’s online home is http://theallusionist.org. Stay in touch at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow. The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia from PRX, a collective of the best podcasts on the interwaves. Find all our podcasts at http://radiotopia.fm.

62. In Crypt, Decrypt

Crossword-solving is often a solitary activity – over breakfast; on the train; on the loo… But a few times a year, crossword puzzle enthusiasts gather in their hundreds to compete to be the fastest, most accurate crossword-solver. This episode comes to you from a church basement on the Upper East Side of New York City, wherein takes place America’s second largest crossword puzzle tournament: Lollapuzzoola. For more about this episode, visit http://theallusionist.org/lollapuzzoola. Come to see the live show at the London Podcast Festival in September; tickets are on sale now at http://kingsplace.co.uk/radiotopia. Stay in touch at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow. The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia from PRX, a collective of the best podcasts on the interwaves. Find all our podcasts at http://radiotopia.fm, and be a pal and tell us your thoughts about our shows in the annual listener survey: http://surveynerds.com/allusionist.

60. Zillions

They look like numbers. They sound like numbers. You kinda know they are numbers. But they’re not actually numbers. Linguistic anthropologist Stephen Chrisomalis explains what’s going on with indefinite hyperbolic numerals like ‘zillion’, ‘squillion’ and ‘kajillion’. For more about this episode, visit http://theallusionist.org/zillions. Come to see the live show at the London Podcast Festival in September; tickets are on sale now at http://kingsplace.co.uk/radiotopia. Stay in touch at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow. The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia from PRX, a collective of the best podcasts on the interwaves. Find all our podcasts at http://radiotopia.fm.

58. Eclipse

It’s August 2007. Lauren Marks is a 27-year-old actor and a PhD student, spending the month directing a play at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. She’s in a bar, standing onstage, performing a karaoke duet of ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’…and then a blood vessel in her brain bursts. When she wakes up in hospital, days later, she has no internal monologue, and a vocabulary of only forty words. Find out more about this episode at http://theallusionist.org/eclipse, and more about Lauren at http://astitchoftime.com. Stay in touch at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow. The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia.fm for PRX.org. Find all our shows at http://radiotopia.fm.

56. Joins

As discussed in episode 51, Under the Covers part II, the vocabulary for sex and associated body parts is tricky to navigate in many ways – but even more so if you are trans or gender non-binary. CONTENT NOTE: this episode contains strong language and frank discussions of sex and bodies. There’s more about the episode at http://theallusionist.org/joins. Stay in touch at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow. The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia.fm for PRX.org. Find all our shows at http://radiotopia.fm.

54. The Authority

“Sometimes you want to make the dictionary sexy but it’s just not a sexy thing,” says Kory Stamper, lexicographer for the Merriam-Webster dictionaries. Sorry if this is disillusioning news for you. The dictionary is not a sexy thing, but as Kory explains, it is a fascinating, complicated, exacting thing. There’s more about this episode at http://theallusionist.org/authority. Stay in touch at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow. The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia.fm for PRX.org. Join us for Radiotopia’s live tour of west coast cities this May – http://radiotopia.fm/live.

14 rerun: Behave

Sometimes words can become your worst enemy. Clinical psychologist Jane Gregory tells how to defuse their power. There’s more about this episode at http://theallusionist.org/behave-rerun. The main part of this episode is a rerun, but there’s new material as well – get ready for a thrill-ride into medieval accounting technology. Stay in touch at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow. The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia.fm for PRX.org. Join us for Radiotopia’s live tour of west coast cities this May – http://radiotopia.fm

51. Under the Covers – part II

Does the available vocabulary for sex leave something to be desired? Namely desire? (And also the ability to use it wthout laughing/dying of embarrassment?) Aiding in the search for a better sex lexicon – sexicon – are Kaitlin Prest of fellow Radiotopia podcast The Heart, and romance novelist Mhairi McFarlane. CONTENT NOTE: this episode contains Sexual Language from the start. For more information about this episode, visit http://theallusionist.org/covers-ii. Find the show at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow. The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia.fm from PRX.org.

49. Bonus 2016

Why is gaslighting ‘gaslighting’? What do bodily fluids have to do with personality traits? Why does ‘cataract’ mean a waterfall and an eye condition? And do doctors really say ‘Stat!’ or is that just in ER? To round off 2016, here’s the bonus edition of The Allusionist, featuring listeners’ etymology requests and extra material from guests who’ve appeared on the show this year. For links and more information about the episode, visit http://theallusionist.org/bonus2016. The show will return in early February. Meanwhile, catch up on the back catalogue at http://theallusionist.org, and stay in touch at http://facebook.com/allusionistshow and http://twitter.com/allusionistshow. The Allusionist is a proud member of http://Radiotopia.fm from http://PRX.org.

47. The Year Without a Summer

Today: a tale of darkness, gathering storms, and a terrifying creature that resembles a human man… No, nothing topical: it’s The Year Without A Summer, the story of how Mary Shelley wrote Frankenstein. This piece first appeared on Eric Molinsky’s excellent podcast Imaginary Worlds. Hear all the episodes at http://imaginaryworldspodcast.org. For more information, visit http://theallusionist.org/frankenstein. Find me at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow. The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia.fm from PRX.org.

45. Eponyms II: Name That Disease

If you love eponyms like Roman Mars loves eponyms, I’m afraid physician Isaac Siemens is here to deliver some bad news: medics are ditching them, in favour of terms that a) contain information about what the ailment actually is, and/or b) don’t honour Nazi war criminals. Eponyms are controversial things. The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia from PRX, and Radiotopia needs you! This month is our fundraiser. To support independent audio, become a donor at http://radiotopia.fm (you can also get the fundraiser-exclusive Radiotopia challenge coin for your trouble). Visit http://theallusionist.org/name-that-disease for more information about this episode. Find me at http://twitter.com/allusionistshow and http://facebook.com/allusionistshow.