Cue "Sweet Little Lies" by Fleetwood Mac, please.

Why DO we self-sabotage? Why do we spend the money we don't have, break down the gym routine or go for the nastiest fast food—even after we've decided we're stopping? I think one of the most popular reasons we're given is actually pretty...wrong.


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The Biggest Lie About Self-Sabotage

The ManTalks podcast features conversations between one of the leading men’s work facilitators and philosopher, Connor Beaton, and world class guests with expertise in mindset, life purpose, psychology, relational communication, sexual intimacy, business and spirituality. For more information about ManTalks go to: http://www.mantalks.com

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Mental Health

Talking points: attachment, relationships

Got a LOT of requests for this one! Relationships between anxious attachment and avoidant attachment folks are actually quite common. They can also be extremely tough. Listen in for what they're like, why the patterns are hard to break, and how to move towards a secure, grounded partnership.

(00:00:00) - Intro, what characterizes the anxious-avoidant dance, and why there’s no “villain”
(00:04:08) - Why that dance is so strong
(00:08:28) - Examples of the anxious-avoidant dynamic
(00:12:58) - Can anxious-avoidant relationships actually work, how to know if it won’t, and how to END the dance
(00:16:56) - The “protest and punishment” behaviors, and how to self-identify if you’re the anxious partner
(00:21:23) - How to self-identify if you’re the avoidant one
(00:27:05) - So what do you to? Tips for the anxious
(00:33:05) - Tips for the avoidant
(00:38:19) - What to do together

***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
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How To Fix An Anxious-Avoidant Relationship - A Man's Guide

Talking points: relationships, culture, sex, security, family

I'm lucky to be interviewing experts in all kinds of fields, but it is consistently enjoyable to dig deep into relationships. What keeps the spark, how couples navigate conflict, and how people can with together to create secure and thriving partnership. Trevor's been at it for a long while, and his gentle yet firm approach is something to be respected. If you're with someone, pull this up and have a listen!

(00:00:00) - Intro, and what is the “secret formula” for a successful love life, and what causes good sex in a bad relationship?
(00:07:42) - How do you move out of attracting insecure relationships? 
(00:12:57) - What can a secure person or couple do to combat potential boredom with a relationship? How can security be sexy?
(00:18:43) - The importance of spontaneity for relational satisfaction
(00:21:54) - How do you support a partner through fears and insecurities around relationships deepening?
(00:27:35) - Navigating criticism, because you can’t criticize your way to a better relationship
(00:37:44) - Why Trevor chose to have kids
(00:42:43) - Why self-compassion is important, and what it really looks like in action
(00:54:33) - Trevor’s thoughts on how to figure out who you really are
(00:59:49) - On sharing your relationship and family events online, and why Trevor and his wife kiss in the rain
(01:05:38) - What Trevor does to maintain spark in his marriage

Trevor Hanson is a licensed marital and family therapist specializing in EFT, or emotionally focused therapy. Combining the depth of a therapist with the pratical guidance of a coach, Trevor works to bring empathy, acceptance, fun and gentle accountability to therapy. You can find more of him on his podcast "The Art of Healing."

Connect with Trevor
-Website: https://theartofhealingbytrevor.com/
-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theartofhealingbytrevor/

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Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Trevor Hanson - The Art Of Attracting (And Keeping) A Great Relationship

Talking points: leadership, accountability, group settings, masculinity

If you're thinking about starting a men's group, or just want to know what to look out for, this one's for you. With everything going on in the world, I want to dig a little into creating your own men’s group—or what to look out for if you’re thinking of joining one.
Because the truth is there are legions of men who would benefit from belonging to something focused on the mutual benefit of everyone involved. Seriously.

(00:00:00) - Intro, and five traits to look for in the men you want for your group
(00:07:58) - Where most guys go wrong: lack of leadership, clear roles, and overstructure
(00:09:42) - The right amount of structure, and consequences of too much victimhood and not enough accountability
(00:12:31) - What are some of the core ingredients of a powerful men’s group? Number 1: some like-mindedness
(00:13:54) - A clear purpose, and clear rules of engagement
(00:17:04) - A culture of calling one another forward, and strong moderation
(00:19:48) - Willingness to say (and hear) hard stuff, transparency, and confronting the uncomfortable
(00:22:02) - An example meeting structure that works
(00:26:42) - The Hot Seat and how to use it, and a closing ritual
(00:30:14) - Be flexible to red alerts, and final thoughts on structure

***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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How To Start A Men's Group—And Why Most Fail

Talking points: culture, parenting, psychology, lying

Parenting has never been easy, but our modern culture adds a few extra layers of challenge and questions. Fortunately (and sometimes unfortunately, as you might have found out), there's a mountain of info online. This week, I sat down with the brilliant Dr. Aliza Pressman to dig into what works, what doesn't, what parents are facing these days, and how to sift through it all. Lots of great info here for anyone who's got kids or who's thinking about it. Seriously.

(00:00:00) - What kind of landscape are parents in now, and what do you think they’ll face in the future?
(00:11:15) - How do parents prep their kids for the onslaught that is social media?
(00:14:43) - Defining executive function, and how to build an environment that helps cultivate it
(00:25:03) - How do you help your kid develop good impulse control?
(00:32:09) - The early stages of development: what’s going on?
(00:37:56) - On learning how to manage discomfort, create safety, and the importance of roughhousing
(00:53:03) - What does effective discipline look like for children?
(01:01:00) - How to handle lying

Dr. Aliza Pressman is a developmental psychologist with nearly two decades of experience working with families and the health care providers who care for them. She is the author of the New York Times bestselling book THE 5 PRINCIPLES OF PARENTING: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans, and the host of the award-winning podcast Raising Good Humans.
Aliza is the co-founding director of The Mount Sinai Parenting Center and is an assistant clinical professor at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai Hospital. She holds degrees from Dartmouth College, Teacher’s College, and Columbia University. Aliza is the mother of two teenagers.

Connect with Aliza
-Website: https://draliza.com/
-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggoodhumanspodcast/
-Book: https://amzn.to/3TNDhZ0
-Podcast: Raising Good Humans: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/raising-good-humans
-Substack: https://dralizapressman.substack.com/

***

Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Aliza Pressman - The Principles Of Parenting

Talking points: attachment, psychology, mindset, relationships

Alright team, this is one of the biggest guides yet! There were a TON of requests to cover this one, so I happily obliged. This attachment style is also called "disorganized attachment", and I've worked with a ton of men who have it. So let's dig in on what fearful-avoidant attachment is, how it affects relationships, and how to move back towards something more secure, authentic, and thriving with easy, deliberate steps.

(00:00:00) - Intro and defining fearful-avoidant attachment, and how conflicting it can feel
(00:08:20) - Where this attachment style starts, and what makes it different from anxious and avoidant
(00:13:19) - What does fearful-avoidant look like in a relationship? 
(00:15:38) - What builds a fearful-avoidant style? Neglect and/or inconsistency
(00:23:33) - One of the most important (and unspoken) needs of a child
(00:28:19) - Parentification, one of the most common causes of fearful-avoidant attachment 
(00:33:37) - More on what this looks like in a relationship: control, distrust, 
(00:35:57) - Wanting closeness but fearing closeness, difficulty regulating emotions, and negativity
(00:38:24) - On being disappointed by others, protection from rejection, and concentration 
(00:40:02) - The big one: inability to self-soothe
(00:41:40) - So what do we do? Two BIG steps
(00:45:24) - On how to self-regulate/self-soothe, and starting with the breath
(00:50:20) - Find someone to help you work with your hypervigilance
(00:53:07) - Develop consistent connection with your partner (or with friends). Here’s how
(00:56:53) - Build trust. Slowly. Over time
(00:59:46) - Set boundaries with the fear-based thoughts in your head

***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Biggest Lie About Self-Sabotage

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