The Fifth Column

By Kmele Foster, Michael Moynihan, and Matt Welch

News & Politics Comedy

What's The Fifth Column about?

Your weekly rhetorical assault on the on the news cycle, the people who make it, and occasionally ourselves. Kmele Foster (Freethink), Michael Moynihan (Vice), and Matt Welch (Reason) talk and laugh and drink their way to at least quasi-sanity in a world gone mad, often with the aid of clean and articulate guests. Weekly Members Only subscription edition often comes with listener mail and professional-quality (if inappropriate) singing. Analysis. Commentary. Sedition.

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LAST EPISODE

357 - w/ Lara Bazelon “This...

05.13.2022

Another two-parter: the first half with our new favorite lefty Lara Bazelon, professor at the University of San Francisco School of Law, journalist, feminist, novelist, controversialist. After Lara leaves, probably to free someone from prison, the lads take the second ...

The Fifth Column episodes:

05.13.2022 357 - w/ Lara Bazelon “This Podcast is Violence” Another two-parter: the first half with our new favorite lefty Lara Bazelon, professor at the University of San Francisco School of Law, journalist, feminist, novelist, controversialist. After Lara leaves, probably to free someone from prison, the lads take the second ...
05.10.2022 356 - UNLOCKED - Things Fell Apart: A Conversation with Jon Ronson We’re unlocking this subscriber-only podcast, recorded back in January, just to give you freeloaders a taste of what lurks behind the paywall. It’s not only those amazing bonus episodes, wherein the morons from The Fifth Column yammering and stammering through ...
05.01.2022 355 "Ministry of Truth, Competence Inflation" - Mean Babies w/ Pink Eye - Tity Boi - Dangerous Misinformation - Show Tunes - Cinco de Mayo - Live From New York, Again - Apartheid Daydream - Combating Misinformation - The Sims 2 - Anatomy of Tribal Hysteria ...
04.24.2022 354 w/ Sarah Hepola "Barack's Misinformation Warfare Unit b/w Teenage Blackout " Ulysses for kidzStop complaining. It's a secret.It's all over, folks. Barack solved misinformationThe Fairness Doctrine was dumb then. It's even dumber nowBTW, they're all liarsDefining misinformation (down)Sarah Hepola, author of the memoir Blackout and this great Atlantic pieceMoynihan v. Hepola ...
04.16.2022 353 "Destroying Democracy, One Tweet At A Time" - A Very Bad Week - Best, Final - Like, Literally the Holocaust - F*ck You Money - Narrative Malfunction - Round the Water Cooler - How America Got Stupid - Going Solo - Automotive Analogy - Expanding Nato, Deploying ...
04.08.2022 352 "Buzz Lightyear's Gay Conversion Adventure Camp" - Take Em' To Church - Okay, Groomer - How "Lion King" Made Kmele Trans - Troll Culture - Mr. Cooper's Pronouns - Elon's New Gig - BLM House Flippin' - The Purpose Driven Journalist - Louie CK and The ...
04.02.2022 351 "The Problem with Jon Stewart, Will Smith, OJ Simpson, Sex Parties, and Madison Cawthorn" Slappy White and the Hot TakesBirthdays Was the Worst Days: Six Years of the FifthHey Twitter World (The Ballad of OJ Simpson)Jon Stewart’s excruciatingly dumb show on raceA Ben Dreyfuss tweetstormAmerica: From James Madison to Madison CawthornSex party etiquette A ...
03.24.2022 350 "Destroying Ukraine, Supreme Confirmation Theater, From Slava to Slavery" On casualties, causation, and delusionIs there a risk of overcorrection in Ukraine?Sanctions, free trade, and nukesThe power of historical grievanceKmele and Matt...disagree on corporations taking sides in warsAlso, the war in Ukraine is not about your dumb culture war issuesThe ...
03.15.2022 349 "Moynihan Taps In From Ukraine" Kmele got a new baby! Welch is doing -- something. And a disheveled, bleary-eyed Moynihan checks in from Europe -- where he's been bouncing between checkpoints and bunkers in Ukraine. The dude is earning his WHOLE paycheck this week. Recorded: ...
03.03.2022 348 w/ Matt Taibbi "Richard Perle in New Jersey, Putin in Hell, Ukraine in Crisis" Does the media have this conflict wrong?The privatization of protestEurope shutting down shitty, Kremlin-funded mediaWait, did Matt Taibbi just say he was warming to intervention?Verdict: unclearNo due process for shitty, Kremlin-funded oligarchs America's overlooked role in the beginnings of PutinismCould ...
02.23.2022 347 w/ Jamie Kirchick "Ukraine Crisis, The Enemy of My Enemy, National Conservatism" With Kmele waiting for his son to arrive and moving into his new East Coast digs (or something), Welch and Moynihan again find a temporary replacement. This time the honor is bestowed upon Jamie Kirchick, senior fellow for the Europe ...
02.19.2022 346 w/ Jeffrey Sachs - "Total Recall, Escape from San Fransisco, Bans for Days" Guest: Jeffery Sachs, Lecturer in Politics @ Acadia University A Huge School Board Recall in San Francisco (With National Implications)A Proposed Ban on Talking About Gay Stuff w/ School Kids (In Florida, Of Course)A Contoversial Federal Crackdown on Protesters in ...
02.10.2022 345 w/ Mary Katharine Ham "The Moronic Inferno b/w Hammer of the Gods" Kmele's on a plane back East, where he shall remain and where the Fifth will increasingly ditch Zoom for in-person recordings. Yay. Filling in for Comrade Foster this week? Journalist, author, inventor, CNN contributor, mother of three, and all around ...
02.07.2022 344 w/Jacob Mchangama "Speech, Sheep, and a Crying Room" Our favorite Danish intellectual returns! After a three-plus year absence, Jacob Mchangama is back on the Fifth, this time promoting his amazing new book, Free Speech: A History from Socrates to Social Media, which P.J. O'Rourke calls "best history of ...
02.02.2022 UNLOCKED A freebie for the great unwashed, cheapskate masses. A little...ummm....looser than the free feed pod. And note that Moynihan's car was stuck in the snow just moments before recording, so he's slightly more unhinged than usual. When contacted, he apologized ...
01.20.2022 343 w/ Mike Pesca (ex-Slate, The Gist podcast) "Inexplicable Offense, Boring Exile, Triumphant Return" Almost a year after being run out of Slate for possession of an unpopular opinion, journalist and podcaster Mike Pesca joins the Fifth for his first post-controversy conversation on how it all went down, when banal opinions became "harassment," and ...
01.15.2022 342 "Positively Apocalyptic, Momentarily Conspiratorial, Just Keep Doing the Thing" Kmele at HereticonFallibility vs. FundamentalismA Time to ChooseIn Your Heart You Know He's RacistGerrymandering for GoodCredibility, TransparencyIgnoring Alex JonesArguing with Alex JonesThe One Thing Americans Agree On......It's All Going to Shit Alex Jones' AmericaIdiots Wrote This Recorded: Jan 13th, 2022 ...
01.07.2022 341 w/ Matt Rosenberg (NYT) "A Coup'niversary, Domestic Lefty Neocons, Kidz n' Racecraft" He's brilliant. He has a Pulitzer Prize, And he's totally jacked. New York Times reporter Matthew Rosenberg, who was at the Capitol on January 6, 2021 and could definitely kick your ass, joins the Fifth to reflect on the riot, ...
12.29.2021 340 "Merry Kovid Kwanzaa, Madden the Death Merchant, the Flatbush Remonstrance" A Covid Christmas A Merry KwanzaaBefore you eulogize the dead, I have stupid tweet you should considerMatt sort of emptywheels Harry ReidPlanes, Trains, and superspreader eventsYes, there are no testsThe usual Covid frustrationsThe Webb Hubbell telescopeThe Memorial shutdownThe non-historians lecture ...
12.17.2021 339 w/Rep. Peter Meijer - "The RINOvirus, Insurrection Deflection, DeSantis Claus's Xmas Miracle!" Back for his third (we think?) visit, the scourge of crackpots and charlatans, America's greatest ginger, and our favorite congressman...Rep. Peter Meijer! Look, it's not a great time for the Republican PartyUnity! Now get the fuck outWhat Rep, Meijer wrong ...
12.10.2021 338 "Jussie's Truth, Putin's NATO, China's Games" Jussie Smollett's years-long legal drama careening toward its conclusion. New York City enacts the countries most expansive (and ill-conceived) COVID restrictions. While the Biden Administration sends diplomatic shots at Xi in China and navigates an increasingly tumultuous situation with Putin ...
11.26.2021 337 w/ Steve Kornacki "Virginia is for Republicans, Dukakis's Carcasses, Waukesha Restraint" Joining us for his third appearance on the Fifth, one of the sexiest men on planet Earth, the man with his own cam, the smartest and least partisan person on cable news...Massachusetts's own Steve Kornacki! Thank you North Dakota roughnecksThe ...
11.19.2021 336 w/ Jonathan Adler "Bannon, Rittenhouse, and the Courts" w/ Jonathan Adler, Johan Verheij Memorial Professor of Law @ Case Western Reserve University - Three Stacks - Kanye ♥️ Drake - Steve Bannon's Day in Court - Google That - Hurry Up, Charge Him! - Black Panthers, Communist and ...
11.07.2021 335 "Assata Shakur Elementary School-- Class of 2021" Way Too SexyCrypto ArtMiss Universe (Can Get It)Fifth Coin"A Bad Gal Dat"Palliative JournalismVirginia is for HustlersThe Trouble w/ ComplicatedWas Rufo Right? (No)We're Very Sorry (But We Keepin Your Stuff) Map Makers + Freak Shows Recorded: 11/5/21 Published: 11/7/21 See acast.com/privacy ...
10.28.2021 334 w/ Zaid Jilani "Jeff Toobin, Fapping Antifascist; The Terror Parents of Northern Virginia; A Bad Bisexual in a Bad Vest" w/ Zaid Jilani, former reporter at The Intercept and current substacker (inquiremore.com) Kmele, missing in a mudslide?Zaid, the most left-wing staffer at the Center for American ProgressCable news is horrible / Jeff Toobin slays white supremacySchool board chaos in VirginiaCreating ...
10.16.2021 333 w/ Ethan Strauss "Locker Room Culture Wars, When Jokes Are Pretty Much Murder" w/ Ethan Strauss, (HNIC @ "House of Strauss" / Substack) Enemy of the SyntaxEthiopian RoyaltyBreaking the Fourth WallLeaving the AthleticNot Just for Sports FansBreaking for Black BodiesNBA Vax MandatesObama Decides to Be Black"Racist" EmailsMoynihan's First JobDouble 0' SistasJokes that Kill ...
10.11.2021 332 w/ Robby Soave "Tech Panic, Phyrric Stalemate, Bifurcated Holiday" w/ Robby Soave, (Senior Editor @ Reason - Author, "Tech Panic") Oral SurgeryBuying Robby's BookHow Facebook (Isn't) Destroying The WorldIncompetent + ill-informedPlease, Think of The Teenagers A Vintage Moral PanicMark Zuckerberg's Body Count Victims + VictorsMessy SpeechWhen Google Becomes Microsoft26 ...
10.02.2021 331 w/ Katie Herzog "Once Upon A Time In Williamsburg, Wizard of Ozy" w/ Katie Herzog, Host @ "Blocked and Reported" Stay in Your HoodSo Many SourcesDog Run ConfidentialWhat Emma KnewKatie's NightmareHow Did You Get This NumberCool OffDenzel Was DrinkingMore ShaftVery Heavily RedactedEven More Heavily RedactedTwo SpiritsWizard of Ozy Recorded: 9/30/21 Published: 10/2/21 ...
09.24.2021 330 w/ Antonio Garcia Martínez "Would Apple Hire Steve Jobs, Conservatives Hate Big Tech" W/ Antonio Garcia Martínez, Propritor @ "The Pull Request" False StartDriven to DrinkCultural Valley ("Crazy Ones Need Not Apply")Mission ProtocolsThe Full NYT Software DownloadSection 230The Devil in the DetailsA Conservative War on Big TechStormfront / SJWAn Uncertain FutureGOP
09.17.2021 329 "Recall Flops, Covid Recount, Forgetting Afghanistan -- Again" - Bacon Egg and Cheese (Late Capitalism Edition) - The Met Gala -- America's Most Glamours Tax Shelter - Hetro Negative - No Sex Cults for Kmele - Democrat Wins Most Democratic State - Larry Elder: White Nationalist? - The ...
09.09.2021 328 w/ Josh Szeps “Living in the Lockdown Under” -- Aussie Impressions of a Missing Moynihan -- A Gay Dad’s Homophobia -- Australian Federalism; Who Knew? -- Libertarianism, Shmibertarianism! -- Islands Are Weird, Man -- QR Covid Tracking Is Totally Fine -- Concentration Camp or Exercise Yard? -- Anti-Science ...
09.03.2021 327 "Autumn in Kabul, Askew in Texas" - Lead Astray - Wrong Line - Blues Traveler - Sugar in his Tank - When in Kabul - Repeal/Replace/Keep the AUMF for another 20 years? - Matt's Basement is Flooding (No, Really) - 1/2 Trimester - The Reverend Dr. ...
08.25.2021 326 w/ Eli Lake "Afghan Withdrawal, Pandemic Surrender, Daddy Issues" W/ Eli Lake, Opinion Columnist @ Bloomberg - New Dad - Moynihan's Big Night Out - Things to Remember (or Naw) - Meet Gutter (He Kidnaps Kids) - Whose on Top - The Most Inevitable Thing in the World - ...
08.10.2021 325 w/ David French "Systemic Racism, Earnest Disagreement, About Those CRT Bans" W/ David French - Various Notes on the Amy Cooper Interview - The Enablers - Earnest Disagreement - The Two Illiberal Wings of Twitter - False Dichotomies, All The Way Down - Negative Partisanship and the Politics of Animosity - ...
07.29.2021 324 "Simmon's Flu Game, Why Amy Cooper Matters, Bet on the House?" Coco Shoots Her ShotGangs All HereNew York is Back**Real Winners Don't Bother Trying Carrying MJ Off The FloorJust QuitMasks + SuperstitionSave the BabiesSurprise
07.09.2021 323 w/ Jonathan Rauch "Saving Truth, CRT Martyrs, Equal But Separate" w/ Jonathan Rauch @ Author of "The Constitution of Knowledge: A Defense of Truth." Senior fellow @BrookingsInst. Contributing writer @TheAtlantic. - I Heart Lizzo - Where Things When Wrong - Flooding the Zone - Breaking Journalism - The Humanitarian Threat ...
07.02.2021 322 w/ Chris Rufo "Banning Critical Race Theory, Robin DiAngelo's Retread, Bill Cosby - Free, Guilty" "Well, it's my show. So, it's how I wanna do it." - Joy-Ann Reid "I can do what I wanna do." - Bobby Brown "Whateva! Whateva! I do what I want!" - Eric Cartman w/ Chris Rufo @ Senior Fellow, ...
06.24.2021 321 - "Back to the Ramble, How to Gauge the Age of Outrage, Racist Car Crashes" Kmele reveals his big secret!What on Earth is a "coupon Karen"?When Shaun Was KingWhen Kmele was king of Juneteenth Measuring the outrage economyMeasuring the wages of junk historyRacist car crashes"When the people fail, the concept fails"The end of Afghanistan (the ...
06.19.2021 320 w/ Harry Siegel - "Bonfire of Insanity, The Unmaking of a Mayor, CRT IRL" New York Daily News columnist Harry Siegel joins TFC for the first hour to talk all things New York (with a focus on halfwit mayoral candidates jockeying to replace a halfwit mayor). But if you don't care about kvetching, NYCentric ...
06.09.2021 310 - "Two Live Shows and a Key West Hangover" Florida is open for business, so The Fifth Column flung its masks into the garbage and headed to the Sunshine State for back-to-back live shows in Miami (coming soon to Patreon!) and a poolside recording in Key West (hence that ...
06.02.2021 309 w/ Jane Coaston "The Argument, The Reckoning, and Unfinished Business" w/ Jane Coaston @ (Host, "The Argument" @ The New York Times) Take FourFrom Vox to NYT's "Rising Libertarian Star" Coming OutJohn BrownThe Black CommunityAppraisal of America's Racial ReckoningThe New Culture WarAnti-Racist Classrooms and WorkplacesSlightly Off MicWhole Foods Edge LordPanics, ...
05.30.2021 308 - "A Year of Reckoning, Return to the Ramble, Objectivity (or Something)" Radical HonestyA Year of (Racial) ReckoningLosing the ThreadGeorge FloydAmy Cooper, Christian Cooper... and the other dog walkers?Covering Lab Leaks and UFOsThe Death of TruthThe Myth of ObjectivityJournalism for the Real WorldBoston Basketball (and racial slurs)Trump Grand jury Recorded May 26, ...
05.21.2021 307 w/ Peter Meijer - "Investigating The Capitol Riot, The Truth About UFOs, Future of the GOP" w/ Congressman Peter Meijer (R-MI) Crypto BloodbathUFOs -- or are they UAPsThe Jan 6th Commission (Part I)Lori Lightfoot Won't Talk To White JournalistsHomeless in San FranciscoThe White Man's Burden A Call from PeterAbout That VoteThe Revolt of the PublicThe FeelsThe ...
05.13.2021 306 w/ Gustavo Arellano - "Ask a Mexican, Trump's a Mexican, and the Republican Crackup" The lads (minus Kmele, recently felled by his second Pfizer shot) welcome Los Angeles Times columnist Gustavo Arellano, host of the new LAT podcast "The Times" and author of Taco USA: How Mexican Food Conquered America. Note that after an ...
05.07.2021 305 - "Systemic and Unspecific, AbasedCamp, The Socialist Network, " - The Fifth Column live in Miami! Is this the post-COVID Gilluming you’ve been waiting for? - Matt is Drudged: equity v. equality - Racism becomes more systemic, less specific - Basecamp asks employees to leave politics at the door…or ...
04.24.2021 304 w/ Paul Rossi - "Verdicts, Reckonings, High School Indoctrination" w/ Paul Rossi (Math Teacher and Writer) https://bariweiss.substack.com/p/i-refuse-to-stand-by-while-my-students A verdict in the trial of Derek Chauvin, the former officer convicted of murdering George Floyd, is an undeniable milestone for the entire country with wide-ranging implications for American media, politics, and ...
04.16.2021 303 w/ Alex Nowrasteh - "The Time We Fixed Policing and Immigration" "What you think all the guns is for?" - Christopher Wallace w/ Alex Nowrasteh (Director of Immigration Studies @ The Cato Institute) A supersized dispatch, because fully resolving the various problems in America's immigration and criminal justice system -- takes ...
04.09.2021 302 - "Making Arrangements, Ghost Guns, Pullin' Out" Hunter "Squirtle" BidenMatt "Making Arrangements" Gaetz Adventures in the Havana Hilton?When Everything is Sex Trafficking? (Not Exactly)A New Era of BipartisanshipWin Ben Stein's HeartThe American Metaphor CouncilWho's D riving the Democratic PartyChina and BitcoinSelf Correcting JournalismTweets Bad. Accessory to the ...
04.03.2021 301 - "Five Years of Impending Doom, Chauvin on Trial, Blowin Money Fast" (In No Particular Order) Live From New YorkDRINKAOC AMACDC Press Conference Mask EtiquetteDRINKDerek Chauvin on Trial (Week 1)Eight Fingers LeftTar BabiesA Thing Greater Than YourselfVoter Suppression 2.0DRINKCorporate WelfareFive PinocchiosEnding Ken BurnsThe Cowardly Doormen Recorded April 1st, 2021 Published April 3rd, ...
03.27.2021 300 - "A Do Over Episode (Mostly Uncut)" Summary Kmele Loses an Entire DispatchMoynihan's Most Racist VoiceImportant Homework What We Might Have Talked AboutMass ShootingsHate Crime Hysterics and LiesEnding the War in AfghanistanNationa BuildingWhale Watching + 400 Years of SufferingLeaving Sesame Street Recorded March 25th, 2021 Published March ...

Older episodes

The Fifth Column

What's The Fifth Column about?

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The Fifth Column episodes:

357 - w/ Lara Bazelon “This Podcast is Violence”

356 - UNLOCKED - Things Fell Apart: A Conversation with Jon Ronson

355 "Ministry of Truth, Competence Inflation"

354 w/ Sarah Hepola "Barack's Misinformation Warfare Unit b/w Teenage Blackout "

353 "Destroying Democracy, One Tweet At A Time"

352 "Buzz Lightyear's Gay Conversion Adventure Camp"

351 "The Problem with Jon Stewart, Will Smith, OJ Simpson, Sex Parties, and Madison Cawthorn"

350 "Destroying Ukraine, Supreme Confirmation Theater, From Slava to Slavery"

349 "Moynihan Taps In From Ukraine"

348 w/ Matt Taibbi "Richard Perle in New Jersey, Putin in Hell, Ukraine in Crisis"

347 w/ Jamie Kirchick "Ukraine Crisis, The Enemy of My Enemy, National Conservatism"

346 w/ Jeffrey Sachs - "Total Recall, Escape from San Fransisco, Bans for Days"

345 w/ Mary Katharine Ham "The Moronic Inferno b/w Hammer of the Gods"

344 w/Jacob Mchangama "Speech, Sheep, and a Crying Room"

UNLOCKED

343 w/ Mike Pesca (ex-Slate, The Gist podcast) "Inexplicable Offense, Boring Exile, Triumphant Return"

342 "Positively Apocalyptic, Momentarily Conspiratorial, Just Keep Doing the Thing"

341 w/ Matt Rosenberg (NYT) "A Coup'niversary, Domestic Lefty Neocons, Kidz n' Racecraft"

340 "Merry Kovid Kwanzaa, Madden the Death Merchant, the Flatbush Remonstrance"

339 w/Rep. Peter Meijer - "The RINOvirus, Insurrection Deflection, DeSantis Claus's Xmas Miracle!"

338 "Jussie's Truth, Putin's NATO, China's Games"

337 w/ Steve Kornacki "Virginia is for Republicans, Dukakis's Carcasses, Waukesha Restraint"

336 w/ Jonathan Adler "Bannon, Rittenhouse, and the Courts"

335 "Assata Shakur Elementary School-- Class of 2021"

334 w/ Zaid Jilani "Jeff Toobin, Fapping Antifascist; The Terror Parents of Northern Virginia; A Bad Bisexual in a Bad Vest"

333 w/ Ethan Strauss "Locker Room Culture Wars, When Jokes Are Pretty Much Murder"

332 w/ Robby Soave "Tech Panic, Phyrric Stalemate, Bifurcated Holiday"

331 w/ Katie Herzog "Once Upon A Time In Williamsburg, Wizard of Ozy"

330 w/ Antonio Garcia Martínez "Would Apple Hire Steve Jobs, Conservatives Hate Big Tech"

329 "Recall Flops, Covid Recount, Forgetting Afghanistan -- Again"

328 w/ Josh Szeps “Living in the Lockdown Under”

327 "Autumn in Kabul, Askew in Texas"

326 w/ Eli Lake "Afghan Withdrawal, Pandemic Surrender, Daddy Issues"

325 w/ David French "Systemic Racism, Earnest Disagreement, About Those CRT Bans"

324 "Simmon's Flu Game, Why Amy Cooper Matters, Bet on the House?"

323 w/ Jonathan Rauch "Saving Truth, CRT Martyrs, Equal But Separate"

322 w/ Chris Rufo "Banning Critical Race Theory, Robin DiAngelo's Retread, Bill Cosby - Free, Guilty"

321 - "Back to the Ramble, How to Gauge the Age of Outrage, Racist Car Crashes"

320 w/ Harry Siegel - "Bonfire of Insanity, The Unmaking of a Mayor, CRT IRL"

310 - "Two Live Shows and a Key West Hangover"

309 w/ Jane Coaston "The Argument, The Reckoning, and Unfinished Business"

308 - "A Year of Reckoning, Return to the Ramble, Objectivity (or Something)"

307 w/ Peter Meijer - "Investigating The Capitol Riot, The Truth About UFOs, Future of the GOP"

306 w/ Gustavo Arellano - "Ask a Mexican, Trump's a Mexican, and the Republican Crackup"

305 - "Systemic and Unspecific, AbasedCamp, The Socialist Network, "

304 w/ Paul Rossi - "Verdicts, Reckonings, High School Indoctrination"

303 w/ Alex Nowrasteh - "The Time We Fixed Policing and Immigration"

302 - "Making Arrangements, Ghost Guns, Pullin' Out"

301 - "Five Years of Impending Doom, Chauvin on Trial, Blowin Money Fast"

300 - "A Do Over Episode (Mostly Uncut)"

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