The Gender Knot

By Nastaran Tavakoli-Far

What's The Gender Knot about?

A Time Magazine Top 50 podcast: “The show serves an important purpose: Encouraging men and women to enter a productive dialogue with one another”. Hosted by Nas and Dan (aka Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel Carroll). Contact: [email protected]

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The Gender Knot episodes:

01.19.2021
The Orgasm Cult: BBC Radio 4 podcast – subscribe!
2021 is giving 2020 a run for it’s money… sorry we’ve been away, but want to point you to a investigative podcast Nas put out recently for BBC Radio 4. It’s called The Orgasm Cult and looks at a Californian...
01.13.2020
Victim blaming: how to not do it and how to be supportive instead
We’re back with a bonus hiatus episode and we’re talking about victim blaming, especially as it pertains to sexual assault. This is when a victim of an alleged assault is blamed, ranging from being asked what they were wearing, if...
12.16.2019
Liz Plank: are we too mean about men?
We close season 6 with journalist Liz Plank. She’s just written a book about mindful masculinity and tells us about the general scripts we have about men and if these help or hinder our wider conversations. We then delve into...
12.09.2019
Apologies – final round
We revisit this important topic just once more to really hammer out the purpose of an apology and some dos and don’ts.We get some tips and insight from Harriet Lerner’s book ‘Why won’t you apologize?’ https://amzn.to/38hWsBzAs well as some wisdom...
12.02.2019
Esther Perel on what women can do
We talk a lot about what men can be doing right now, but we revisit a chat with Esther Perel on what women can be doing right now, and how we can all best be allies to one another. Guest:Esther...
11.25.2019
Consent with Ellen Friedrichs
Everyone’s talking more about consent but where does this start? Educator Ellen Frederichs joins us to chat about how consent starts with kids and why we all need to be more specific about our experiences. Guest:Ellen Frederichs, educator and author...
11.18.2019
Apologies with Hussein Kesvani
Journalist Hussein Kesvani writes a lot about the internet, and about masculinity, and about the intersection of the two. He recently interviewed people about apologies in a piece for The Huffington Post, focusing on men and their understanding of an...
11.11.2019
Dan Savage’s tips for straight couples
We re-visit some wisdom from the sex and relationship advice columnist and host of the Savage LoveCast Dan Savage, who tells us what straight couples can learn from same sex couples. Guest:Dan Savage, sex and relationship advice columnist and Savage...
11.04.2019
Liz Plank on women who support Trump
Journalist and author of the book ‘For the Love of Men: a vision for mindful masculinity’ tells us about meeting women who support who Trump, and what this tells us about our attitudes towards men and the role women play...
10.28.2019
Author Jeannie Vanasco interviewed her rapist
We’re back with Season 6. We talk to author Jeannie Vanasco who interviewed a friend from her teenage years who raped her 15 years ago. Vanasco got in touch with him to find out if and how the rape impacted...
09.30.2019
Emotional Labour Returns!
We're back with a bonus episode during our hiatus to discuss an email we received about none other than everyone's favorite topic: Emotional Labour! Is emotional labour gendered? Or should we just all focus on doing the right...
08.12.2019
Imperfect allies – repeat
We revisit a conversation from earlier this year where we explored how men can be allies if their behaviour towards women has been problematic. Our guest Omar talks about being called out and having to question his role as an...
07.15.2019
Apologies are hard
From Aziz Ansari to Eve Ensler to why on earth apologies are so hard, we dive in and also discuss the best way to give an apology.We’re on hiatus and will be back with a new season in October. Another...
06.17.2019
Mark Manson’s tips for men
We end season 5 by hearing Mark Manson’s tips for men during these confusing times, including how men can help each other out and his predictions about how we'll all get along in the future. Check out his new book...
06.10.2019
Vulnerability – final round
You’ve been writing to us about vulnerability following our previous two rounds and we’re going to delve into your thoughts and experiences. This journey started with us talking about men and vulnerability in relationships. Now we want to know if...
06.03.2019
Matt Stadlen on men talking about sex
LBC radio host Matt Stadlen joined us to chat vulnerability recently. This time we go into men talking about sex: how much and how do men really talk about sex and how does this impact their relationships?Guest: Matt Stadlen, journalist...
05.27.2019
How do we talk about rape?
Author of the book ‘Rape’ Mithu Sanyal fills us in on ways we can approach talking about rape and giving support, and why consent culture is tricky in societies where we are taught not to express our needs and desires...
05.20.2019
Vulnerability Round 2
We recently talked to LBC’s Matt Stadlen about vulnerability and how especially men can struggle with this in relationships. We delve back in and also hear your thoughts and experiences with opening up.Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel CarrollProducers:Sam Baker and Jonathan...
05.13.2019
Mark Manson on modern life
The hit author talks about his new book ‘Everything is fucked: A book about hope’, and how technology and choice are impacting how we live and make decisions on the modern world. Mark is also off on a speaking tour,...
05.06.2019
Matt Stadlen on Vulnerability
This week, LBC's Matt Stadlen joins us to talk about vulnerability. We try to uncover some of the reasons why men and women have a hard time opening up, especially in intimate relationships. Be sure to check out...
04.29.2019
Mark Manson on sex and pornography
The author of hit book ‘The subtle art of not giving a fuck’ talks to Dan about how pornography and the way it’s impacted men’s interest in sex, and tips on how to have more fulfilling sex. Also check out...
04.22.2019
Creepy Courting
This episode we discuss the line between courting someone and stalking. What can often start off as something innocent looking can very easily turn into a frightening situation. Laura Mucha, author of the book Love Factually, joins us...
04.15.2019
Getting along
Welcome to Season 5! We’ve re-branded the podcast, and going to be focusing on trying to get men and women to get along. We chat about this new direction a little and catch up on some of your mail from...
03.29.2019
Self care
All female episode this week, Nas and Sam chat about self care and ask if it’s bullshit. Self care has become very popular among women, especially on Instagram. Does self care empower women to take care of themselves or is...
02.18.2019
Men Only
As a man, who do you talk to about sex? What about feelings? How about everything else? This week Dan and Jonny are hosting a Men Only episode with guest German Villegas to discuss who men can...
01.28.2019
How to make amends
So, you’ve hurt someone or done something bad and want to make amends? We run through our experiences on the best ways to do this. We also revisit last week’s topic of emotional labour and hear from our audience on...
01.21.2019
Emotional labour
What exactly is emotional labour? Nas talks about it all the time, Dan is still unclear about what it is, so he speaks to Gemma Hartley, Author of ‘Fed Up: Emotional labor, women and the way forward’, to find out...
01.14.2019
Imperfect allies
Last week we talked about the importance of men being allies even if they haven’t been perfect in their behaviour towards women, but is there a line to this? Today’s guest tells us of a time he was called out...
01.07.2019
How to be an ally
We brainstorm a list of things men can do to be allies to women, and how women can best encourage men trying to be allies. And we want to hear from you on what has or hasn’t worked in your...
12.17.2018
Meltdowns
Why are meltdowns gendered? Do we ever talk of men having meltdowns? If not then why not, and what does this mean about our expectations of how women and men can express themselves? We get some help from our friends...
12.10.2018
Walking on Eggshells
Nas often feels like she’s walking on eggshells on this show; she has to be honest with men but also keep them engaged and not annoy them so much that they tune out of the show, and these conversations, altogether....
12.02.2018
The Nitty Gritty
You’ll have noticed we’ve been changing the direction of the podcast over the past few weeks, with there being fewer abstract explorations of ideas and more delving into the nitty gritty of how men and women can actually better relate...
11.26.2018
Let's talk about (real and fake) sex
Porn is pervasive in today's internet culture. But does the typical male gaze leave women out of the viewing audience? And what does this one-way perspective do to our real-life sexual and personal relationships? As Nas and Dan take a break...
11.19.2018
Disenfranchised Men – round 2
Our listeners are annoyed! Many of you were unhappy with our take on disenfranchised men last week after we interviewed former New York Times reporter and author Andrew Yarrow, who has written Man Out about men on the sidelines of...
11.12.2018
Disenfranchised Men
Former New York Times journalist Andrew Yarrow joins us to talk about why so many men in America feel disenfranchised, and how this is impacting everyone else.Men around the world have seen their position shift drastically over the past few...
11.05.2018
Men and commitment issues – round 2
A few weeks ago Dan tried to convince us that the stereotype of men having commitment issues was exaggerated and false, and he made a good case for this. But Nas was still left wondering where these assumptions come from...
10.29.2018
MeToo and Hollywood
It’s a year since allegations against Harvey Weinstein broke, leading to a real opening of conversation about sexual harassment and assault against women, be it at the hands of powerful men or in day to day life.We speak to a...
10.22.2018
Slow Burn’s Leon Neyfakh: gender in US politics
Hit podcast Slow Burn just spent their second season looking at the saga around Bill Clinton’s impeachment. They revisited Bill Clinton’s affair with then 22-year old unpaid intern Monica Lewinsky, and looked at the varied reactions from feminists, as well...
10.15.2018
How women can ask for what they want
Former dominatrix and Taoist nun Kasia Urbaniak teaches women about power and influence at her school The Academy. She walks us through this unique time where women are finally speaking openly and honestly and expressing their rage, and how we...
09.24.2018
Dan Savage: lessons from same sex couples
The love, sex and relationship guru and host of the Savage Lovecast gives us his thoughts and tips!Note: this episode is very Not Safe For Work – save for later if that’s relevant!Also, co-host Jonathan Freeman is leaving us and...
08.27.2018
Men and commitment issues: fact or fiction?
It’s a big cliché that men are scared to commit, don’t want to be tied down, are always ‘hitting the road’ and leaving promising relationships with women. Today’s guest thinks this is a simply not true and actually leads to us...
08.20.2018
The roots of male shame
Why is shame such an issue for men despite the privileges men still have in almost all societies? Is privilege itself part of the problem, and what can be done to tackle this issue? Women are also being vocal about...
08.13.2018
Women negotiating better pay
In April, a report by the UK governments and the Equalities and Human Rights Commission showed that 80% of large companies still paid male employees more than the women. In the US, in 2017 women still earnt just 82% of...
08.06.2018
Men’s groups: potential problems?
Men’s groups can’t be a substitute for therapy, says today’s guest. We recently looked at men’s groups and had some interesting feedback. Despite all the positives we hear, that can be problems which are worth knowing about. We speak to...
07.30.2018
Guest episode: Ministry of Ideas
Jonathan is stuck in the library in DC, and Nas and Sam and Jonny in London are all swamped, so we decided to play you an episode of one of our favourite podcasts while we work on more Gender Knot...
07.23.2018
Men’s groups: can they support men?
‘Transformative’ is a word we’ve heard from so many men who’ve benefitted from men’s groups. It’s a topic that’s comes up on this podcast a lot. Why are so many men getting together with other men to talk about their...
07.16.2018
Friends helping us find love
This week’s guest emailed 700 people asking to be set up on a date, and followed up with everyone a year later detailing what happened. The most interesting part of her results are that the people she knew the least...
07.09.2018
Male Shame and women's roles
Male Shame lies at the root of so many problematic dynamics between men and women, whether on an individual or a society-wide scale. The problem is many men have a very limited space where they can explore their shame, if...
07.02.2018
Women in business: what should they keep doing?
Speaking more forcefully, being more assertive (or even aggressive), over-confidence and being unrealistic about outcomes; these are just some of the ways in which women in technology are told to approach investors if they are to raise money. But is...
06.25.2018
More women are cheating. Why?
We got a curious email from the folks at Ashley Madison recently – that’s the dating website for people looking for discreet encounters, such as affairs. They’ve seen a rise in the number of women signing up, and there’s evidence...

What's The Gender Knot about?

Download our free app to listen on your phone

The Gender Knot episodes:

The Orgasm Cult: BBC Radio 4 podcast – subscribe!

Victim blaming: how to not do it and how to be supportive instead

Liz Plank: are we too mean about men?

Apologies – final round

Esther Perel on what women can do

Consent with Ellen Friedrichs

Apologies with Hussein Kesvani

Dan Savage’s tips for straight couples

Liz Plank on women who support Trump

Author Jeannie Vanasco interviewed her rapist

Emotional Labour Returns!

Imperfect allies – repeat

Apologies are hard

Mark Manson’s tips for men

Vulnerability – final round

Matt Stadlen on men talking about sex

How do we talk about rape?

Vulnerability Round 2

Mark Manson on modern life

Matt Stadlen on Vulnerability

Mark Manson on sex and pornography

Creepy Courting

Getting along

Self care

Men Only

How to make amends

Emotional labour

Imperfect allies

How to be an ally

Meltdowns

Walking on Eggshells

The Nitty Gritty

Let's talk about (real and fake) sex

Disenfranchised Men – round 2

Disenfranchised Men

Men and commitment issues – round 2

MeToo and Hollywood

Slow Burn’s Leon Neyfakh: gender in US politics

How women can ask for what they want

Dan Savage: lessons from same sex couples

Men and commitment issues: fact or fiction?

The roots of male shame

Women negotiating better pay

Men’s groups: potential problems?

Guest episode: Ministry of Ideas

Men’s groups: can they support men?

Friends helping us find love

Male Shame and women's roles

Women in business: what should they keep doing?

More women are cheating. Why?