If you’ve been following along in The Mature Man series, you know we don’t stay on the surface. Over the last several weeks we have been in the first section of the wheel— your Walk with God — covering how to study Scripture, why prayer feels awkward, and what real obedience looks like. This week we move into the second section of the wheel — Personal Health — and we’re starting with a topic that Christian circles tend to treat as taboo.

Mention mental health in a room full of men and watch what happens.

Some guys go quiet. Some cross their arms. Some nod a little too enthusiastically. Nobody quite knows where to land – and that tension? It’s been there a long time.

Here’s what it actually looks like in the men I know and lead.

There’s the guy who’s been going to counseling for two years and practically whispers it. Like it’s something to be ashamed of. He hasn’t told his friends or extended family. He’s not sure what they would think. He just quietly goes and quietly carries the weight of feeling like maybe he should have just prayed harder.

There’s the guy who says flat out, “I’m never going to counseling. That stuff is psychobabble.” He’s proud of it. He’ll quote scripture and imply that if you engage in counseling, your faith is weak. He says, “If you prayed more (or in the right way), you wouldn’t be dealing with that.”

And then there’s the guy who talks about what his counselor said more than what God said. His therapist has become his authority. He’s doing a lot of heart work — but it’s mostly his work, and God is somewhere in the background.

Three different men. Three different responses to the same tension. None of them quite right.

Here’s what I want to say plainly: faith and mental health were never supposed to be at war. The war is imaginary. Much of this tension is because of a stigma around mental health for men. But what cannot be denied is that the pain many men are living with is real — and they are losing the battle.

THE NUMBERS DON’T LIE

Over 6 million men in the U.S. are living with depression right now. That is just the reported numbers. Most men dealing with depression haven’t told anyone. The numbers are likely MUCH higher. The gender disparity in the suicide rates is staggering. Men die by suicide at nearly four times the rate of women, making up close to 80% of all suicide deaths in this country. And the reason so many go undiagnosed is that depression in men doesn’t always look like sadness. It looks like anger. Withdrawal. Overworking. A short fuse and a long week and hoping a cold beer will take the edge off.

Men are conditioned to hold it together. To not ask for help. To treat vulnerability like a character flaw. And so we suffer in silence, and we call it strength, and we wonder why we feel so far from God – living as a shadow of who we were made to be.

This is not a new problem. But it is a serious one. And it should not be understated or minimized. The mature man takes it seriously.

If you are struggling with suicidal ideation — don’t wait. Get help today. Call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988. Help is there.

YOUR BRAIN IS AN ORGAN

Here’s an analogy that has helped me.

If a man you loved was diagnosed with a serious illness — cancer, heart disease, diabetes — you would not tell him to just pray more and don’t worry about going to the doctor. You’d probably pray with him, encourage his faith, and then tell him to go see the doctor. You wouldn’t see those two things as being in conflict. Faith and medicine can work together, and nobody questions that.

So why do we treat the brain differently?

Your mind is not separate from your body. Your mental health is part of your overall health. And the man who refuses any form of help because he believes prayer alone should be sufficient would never apply that same logic to any other organ in his body. That might be a great gesture of faith, but it’s not bringing wisdom into the picture.

At the same time — and this matters — you wouldn’t let just anyone operate on you. You’d research the surgeon. You’d want to know they were qualified. You’d want to trust them with your body.

How much more should you be careful about who you let into your soul?

NOT ALL COUNSELING IS CREATED EQUAL

This concept is extremely important.

A physician doesn’t necessarily need to share your faith to treat your body. But the person you are allowing into the sacred space of your mind, will, and emotions — that is a different level of access entirely. The soul is not a body part. And there are counselors who may lead you toward self-actualization, toward looking inward for answers that only God can give, toward secular frameworks that feel like healing but drift you further from truth.

That doesn’t mean all clinical counseling is completely off the table. A man who is grounded in Scripture and strong in his faith can sit with a clinical counselor, benefit from the tools, and discern what doesn’t line up with biblical truth. Some men’s insurance plans don’t cover Christian counselors — and that’s a real constraint, not a moral failure.

But the caution stands: know who you’re letting in. A biblical worldview and framework matters when someone is speaking into your soul.

This is why the first stop should not be the counselor’s office.

GOD FIRST. THEN OTHERS.

I believe the order in which you go about getting help really matters.

Before you book the appointment — go to God. Open the Word. Pray honestly, not just in passing. Bring Him the real thing, not the cleaned-up version. He already knows anyway.

Isaiah 41:10 says: “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

That is not a self-help promise. That is God personally involved in your restoration. He is not a last resort. He is the first call.

Then confide in your spouse, a close friend, talk to your pastor. If you’re not connected to a church, or you’re sitting in one every Sunday and nobody really knows you, it’s time to change that. It’s time to be known. At our church, pastoral counseling is typically a great first step — sitting with someone who knows the Word, knows you, and can help you discern what you actually need. From there, if professional counseling is the right next step, we help connect people to counselors who approach the soul from a biblical foundation.

Proverbs 11:14 says there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors. That’s not an accident. God built us for community and for guidance — but He intended that guidance to be anchored in truth.

THE MATURE MAN

If you want to walk in maturity in this area of your life, it means you don’t dismiss getting mental help because you think faith makes you immune. And it also doesn’t mean outsourcing the care of your soul to whoever takes your insurance.

Go to God first. Get connected in Christian community and to your pastor. Pursue help — the right kind, in the right order — and don’t whisper about it like it’s something to be ashamed of.

Your mental health, like your physical health, always needs maintenance. The question is what you’re doing to maintain it.

If you are someone who has been resistant to getting help mentally or have had an immature perspective on the whole counseling thing, maybe it’s time to consider it more deeply and in a different context. Just because you don’t struggle in the same way as others doesn’t give you the permission to take a hard line stance that may be misinformed.

SO WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THIS?

Here’s where it gets practical. Four action steps.

1. DO AN HONEST INVENTORY

Not a clinical assessment. Not a checklist. Just sit down somewhere quiet and ask yourself: what am I actually carrying right now? Not what you’d say if someone asked how you’re doing. The real answer. Have you been acting out in anger? Feeling numb in this current season? Running at a pace that isn’t sustainable? Have you lost interest in things that used to matter to you? Most men have never stopped long enough to honestly answer those questions. Start there.

2. BRING THE REAL VERSION TO GOD

There’s a difference between praying about your mental health and actually being honest with God about it. Most men do a cleaned-up version — they mention it, they ask for help in general terms, and they move on. That’s not the same as sitting before God and saying: here is what is actually going on inside me. Here is the anger I can’t explain. Here is the emptiness I keep trying to outrun. He already knows. But something shifts when you stop performing for God and start being real with Him. And then ask him to strengthen you, to fortify you. He is your help and your strength. Give Him the unfiltered version and see what He does with it.

3. NAME A PERSON WHO KNOWS YOU

Who actually knows what you’re carrying right now? If you can name someone immediately — a pastor, a close friend, your spouse — good. When did you last tell them the truth about where you are? If you can’t name anyone, that’s not just an application step. That’s the issue. The solution isn’t to find a counselor. The first move is to find one person and let them in. Your church, your pastor, your small group — that’s where you start. The goal isn’t to have more connections. It’s to be actually known by someone.

4. NAME YOUR BARRIER

You already know what’s been stopping you from getting help. Say it out loud — even if it’s just to yourself. Is it pride? The fear that asking for help means your faith isn’t enough? Worry about what people in your church or office would think? The belief that you should be able to handle this on your own? Whatever it is — that thing is not strength. It’s a wall between you and the restoration God wants to do in you. Name it. Bring it to God. And then decide that it doesn’t get to win anymore.

It’s time to get real with God. Here is a short prayer to get that started:

Father, You already know what I’ve been carrying. You know what I’ve been calling strength that is actually just silence. I come to You first…not as a last resort, not after I’ve exhausted every other option…but first. Because You are where restoration actually begins. Give me the humility to be honest with You about what’s really going on. Give me the courage to let someone else in. And where pride or fear has been the wall between me and the help You’ve already provided, tear it down. I trust You with my mind the same way I trust You with everything else. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Next week we continue the Personal Health section — this time with the body. What it looks like for a man to take his physical health seriously, and how it connects to everything else we’re building.

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Contact Gabe: [email protected]

SOURCES

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Suicide Data and Statistics. cdc.gov/suicide/facts/data.html

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Suicide Statistics. afsp.org/suicide-statistics

Anxiety and Depression Association of America. Men’s Mental Health. adaa.org/find-help/by-demographics/mens-mental-health

National Institute of Mental Health. Men and Mental Health. nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/men-and-mental-health

Mayo Clinic. Male Depression: Understanding the Issues. mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/male-depression/art-20046216

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