This has been the journey of my life even when I didn't know it. 

But I knew the heartbreak the closer and closer I came to the end. 

The more I could see the lies and truths.

No longer are there reason or justification. 

so just sitting with these harsh truths. and being like

oh my god

my mother really is mentally ill. She is a horrible mother. she shouldn't be a mother. 

sometimes the truth just is. 

and there isn't a reason or justification. 

then you can really let it break your heart and move closer and come to terms with it.