178: The Most Important Questions in Negotiations with Alexandra (Alex) Carter

This is not your typical conversation or approach to negotiations. I came across my guest, Alexandra (Alex) Carter, on another podcast where she was talking about her new book called “Ask for More: Ten Questions to Negotiate Anything.” Alex is a Director of the Mediation Clinic at Columbia Law School, where she is also an award-winning professor, and a world-renowned negotiation trainer for the United Nations. She speaks and appears on TV and in the media regularly. Intrigued, I purchased her book, figuring it would be the standard negotiation questions you’d expect about understanding what the other person wants, finding common ground, knowing your walkaway point, etc. Oh, it’s so much more than that! At its core, Alex’s book is about understanding and negotiating with yourself as well as being willing to hear no, which is incredibly insightful and powerful. In this episode, we talk about: The difference between needs and demands An example of needs vs. demands when asking to be paid as a speaker How Alex approached and negotiated with event organizers when her in-person speaking engagements were canceled because of the coronavirus The *key* question Alex asked when some event organizers were reluctant Another important question to use when negotiating Why Alex decided to offer free webinars and the results she got, including how it impacted her paid speaking How men and women negotiate differently Register for our new webinar "You Say You Want to be a Thought Leader: What That Really Means & How to Find Your Voice" at https://www.speakingyourbrand.com/webinar/.   About My Guest: Alexandra (Alex) Carter is Director of the Mediation Clinic at Columbia Law School, where she is also an award-winning professor, and a world-renowned negotiation trainer for the United Nations. She also serves as Executive Director of Stand Up Girls, helping tween girls develop relationships for greater self-esteem and resilience.  She has appeared on CBS This Morning, MSNBC’s LIVE Weekend and Hardball, Marketplace, and in The New York Times and Wall Street Journal. Alex is the author of ASK FOR MORE: Ten Questions to Negotiate Anything (Simon & Schuster; May 5, 2020). She lives in Maplewood, New Jersey, with her husband and daughter.   About Us: The Speaking Your Brand podcast is hosted by Carol Cox. At Speaking Your Brand, we help women entrepreneurs and professionals create their signature talks and gain more visibility to achieve their goals. Our mission is to get more women in positions of influence and power: on stages, in businesses, on boards, in the media, in politics, and in our communities. Check out our coaching programs at https://www.speakingyourbrand.com.  Links: Show notes at https://www.speakingyourbrand.com/178  Alex’s website: https://alexcarterasks.com Alex’s book “ASK FOR MORE: Ten Questions to Negotiate Anything”: https://alexcarterasks.com/book/ Forbes article “How Carol Cox is Helping Women Speakers Get Paid What They Deserve” by Janice Gassam: https://www.forbes.com/sites/janicegassam/2019/12/01/how-carol-cox-is-helping-women-speakers-get-paid-what-they-deserve/#1f5c3921533f  Get our LinkedIn for Speakers online masterclass at https://www.speakingyourbrand.com/linkedin.  Connect on LinkedIn: Carol Cox = https://www.linkedin.com/in/carolcox Alexandra Carter (guest) = https://www.linkedin.com/in/alexandrabcarter/ Related Podcast Episodes: Episode 68: Getting Paid to Speak and Negotiating Speaker Fees Episode 128: The 4 Visibility Mindset Shifts You Must Make with Eleanor Beaton [Confidence Series] Episode 132: 7 Reasons Why You Aren’t Getting Paid to Speak Episode 161: Mindset and Negotiation Strategies for Speakers with Latesha Byrd [Mindset Series] Carol Cox on Eleanor Beaton’s podcast episode 369: Scale Your Message