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The Power Of Faith And Resilience In Personal Growth With Dr. Nicole Bradford
“It’s not important to be who everyone else wants you to be, but you have to stand up for your truth.”
In this episode, Nick speaks with Dr. Nicole Bradford, who shares her journey of overcoming childhood trauma and finding her purpose in helping others. She discusses the importance of self-awareness, faith, and taking control of one’s own life. Dr. Bradford emphasizes the need to find the positive in every situation and to seek help when needed. She encourages individuals to stand in their truth, prioritize self-care, and give themselves grace. Dr. Bradford’s message is one of resilience, healing, and the power of personal growth.
What to listen for:
“Everything in life, God puts you through things so you can help someone else.”
“There’s purpose in the pain, and you have to be strong enough to continue to encourage yourself.”
“Look for the small blessings every day. Look for his hand in your life and hold on to your faith.”
About Dr. Nicole D. Bradford
With more than two decades of experience in multiple leadership roles across all levels of education, Dr. Nicole Bradford is recognized as an industry thought leader and subject matter expert.
As an author, entrepreneur, speaker, and founder of Maintain the Flame, Dr. Bradford leverages her experiences over the years to inspire, motivate, and challenge audiences to shift their thinking toward living their full authentic selves while making a positive impact on others. Her latest book due to be released in August, Your Soul Is Not For Sale, is a self-empowerment hand guide leading readers on a journey deeper into their unique truth.
Over the course of her career, Dr. Bradford is most proud of being able to work alongside youth to achieve their personal and academic goals. Through advocacy and relentless support, she has a tenured track record of helping countless students and families from disadvantaged communities to thrive in the face of adversity.
As a first-generation college graduate and the first black woman to hold the title of Ms. Austin USA in the 90s, Dr. Bradford doesn’t believe we should live out the limiting scripts handed to us by others. She’s an advocate for carving out a journey that is aligned with our innate passions, allowing what we love to lead the way.
Resources:
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Click To View The Episode Transcript
Nick McGowan (00:01.857)
Hello and welcome to the mindset and self mastery show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan and today on the show I have Dr. Nicole Bradford. Dr. Bradford, how are you doing?
Dr. Nicole Bradford (00:13.021)
I’m doing great. Thank you so much for the opportunity to be here.
Nick McGowan (00:16.27)
Absolutely. I’m really excited for us to get into the things we’re gonna get into today. So why don’t you kick us off? Tell us what you do for a living and what’s one thing most people don’t know about you that’s maybe a little odd or bizarre.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (00:27.197)
Well, what I do for a living, I am the owner of Maintain the Flame, a company that was established to help others design the life that they desire and live audaciously authentic. And I am an educator and administrator that has spent over 20 years in the field of education. And something that most people do not know about me is that when I was younger, I would always go to Michael Jackson Lookalike Contest. I had my
jerry curl and the red jacket and the glove and I would do lots of competitions and so back in the day my mom was like my momager and so she pushed me to the front and get out there and dance Nicole. I wasn’t the greatest but I had a lot of fun doing it.
Nick McGowan (01:13.592)
So do you still moonwalk every once in a while?
Dr. Nicole Bradford (01:16.567)
Yes, yes, just to prove it to my children that I can.
Nick McGowan (01:21.07)
That’s funny. think once you learn that you can do that thing, you do it just periodically. Like I’ll moonwalk out of a room every once in a while, like something’s awkward. I’m like, all right. That’s so cool. And especially for you to be able to not only enjoy what you wanted to do, but you went ahead with that. And it’s interesting with the mom and your thing. Well played on that too. there are certain parents that almost look at their kid and say, well,
Dr. Nicole Bradford (01:30.366)
yeah, man. Yes, I love it.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (01:43.353)
Thanks.
Nick McGowan (01:49.492)
I couldn’t do this thing so I want you to do it. And there are other parents that also say, well, I couldn’t do this thing so I don’t want you to do it. So did you experience any of that or what was that like when you were growing up?
Dr. Nicole Bradford (01:56.844)
See you.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (02:01.433)
No, my mom was just a big Michael Jackson fan herself. And so she wanted to get as close as she could to the famous people and all the stars. And she thought she had a baby that had all the talent in the world and just just push me along the way. But I don’t believe she had any aspirations to do anything like that. But she was just a big fan of mine. Yes.
Nick McGowan (02:04.098)
Okay.
Nick McGowan (02:23.255)
That’s cool. It’s awesome to have a big fan in that sense instead of somebody who’s like, this is my meal ticket. Like I think there, I see that sometimes with people that are into sports, like their kids good at something. They’re like, cool. Well, you’re going to get an NFL contract at some point and we need a new home. We need this, whatever. But I always find it so beautiful. Like I don’t have any children, but it’s beautiful when parents just want their kids to have better than what they had and they want to do everything they can to help them.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (02:29.817)
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (02:35.494)
Mm
Dr. Nicole Bradford (02:52.85)
Mm
Nick McGowan (02:53.611)
What a beautiful thing. Do you have kids?
Dr. Nicole Bradford (02:56.177)
yes, yes, I have three amazing children. My oldest is a teacher. She’s been a teacher for the past four years. She graduated from Hampton University. My son is actually one of those football stars that you talk about. He’s at Angelo State. He graduated last year and he’s working on his master’s, so he has one season left of eligibility. And then my youngest is at UNT and she is in her senior year.
Nick McGowan (03:24.621)
Wow, so you’re not proud of your children at all, are you? That’s awesome.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (03:27.741)
I’m very blessed. I have an amazing group of children.
Nick McGowan (03:33.899)
That’s great. And especially to be able to work on the things that you work on. Look at the kids that you have, look at what they’re doing and being able to tie it all together. Why don’t you tell us a little bit about your background, like how you got to where you’re at and how it is that you do what you do.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (03:50.673)
Well, yeah, just to tell you a little bit about myself, I was born and raised in Austin, Texas. I’m the youngest of six children. And so my parents, they started off with very, very humble beginnings. And so they, but they were able to work. They were very hard workers and they were very successful in the end. But unfortunately I was raised in a very dysfunctional household. I had to witness domestic violence. There were times that I had family
members that would go in and out of the criminal justice system, involvement with drugs and crime and things of that nature. And that was very difficult for me because I am someone that loves hard and family is everything to me. And so seeing that my two biggest individuals that I admire, my parents at odds at time, was very hard for me. There was a time that I had to go to the hospital with my mother
because she was so bruised and battered that she had her wedding ring that was kind of lodged in her finger. And so I would beg her, you know, can you please leave? This is not good for us. And she told me, no, your other siblings had your mom and your they’re both of their parents and you meet both of your parents as well. So I stayed through that. We stayed in that relationship and they were able to reconcile at the latter part of their lives.
but it did, it was very traumatic for me. And so of course I had to go and seek counseling so that I can understand that Nicole, where you are in that environment, that doesn’t determine who you are as a person and what your life can become. And so you just talked about my top three priorities in my life and I made a conscious decision that I am going to be different for my children. And so growing up, unfortunately, I didn’t hear the words,
love you.” I didn’t hear those words until I went off to college and when I went off to college I understood I’m gonna be commuting and driving back and forth and something could happen to me and so I would start saying I love you and then I would hear it back but when I had my child my mom said you know you just had her
Dr. Nicole Bradford (06:10.877)
She’s whatever years old and you’ve told that child I love you 40 times in the last two seconds but I wanted to pour into them and to give them everything that I did not receive and I wanted them to know that I’m going to be your biggest supporter, your biggest advocate and even though I changed that environment for my children I had to understand my parents did the best that they could with what they had because she couldn’t give me what she didn’t have and so I applaud
Nick McGowan (06:35.024)
Yeah.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (06:40.863)
them. I love my parents. I was able to take care of them the last three years of their lives and that was in itself was very difficult seeing my dad succumb to after all of the strokes that he went through and being nonverbal and then my mom suffering through Parkinson’s disease and it was just difficult at times but for me very important to be there for them as they transitioned and so I dealt with my childhood trauma
A part of maintain the flame is you transition. You’re young, you’re vibrant, you have all this energy for life, but then as you become an adult, you start to conform.
And you’re looking around like, okay, do I fit here? Will it work here? And coming from my family and then going into even being married with my in -laws that, know, it kind of like my favorite movie, Meet the Fuckers. Do you fit in this circle? Are you outside of the circle? And so I had to understand and quickly…
Nick McGowan (07:21.828)
Mm
Nick McGowan (07:36.756)
hehe
Dr. Nicole Bradford (07:43.217)
come to grips that Nicole, you need to figure out who you are. And it’s not important to be who everyone else wants you to be, but you have to stand in your truth. Even though it’s gonna come with some consequences, it’s going to be difficult at time, but you have to do what serves you best.
Nick McGowan (08:00.811)
There’s a lot to that. And there’s a lot that I want to commend you for. You know, you, you have, you have kids, you’ve been able to realize different things. The self -awareness of it, I think is the biggest piece to all of this and doing all the episodes that I’ve done, all the conversations I’ve had, even with clients and prospects and people and different networking and all of that self -awareness is the thing that I think a lot of people don’t give enough credit to because once you’re aware of something, you can do something about it.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (08:02.953)
Yes.
Nick McGowan (08:30.438)
If we think, if you’re not aware of something, you have no idea it’s there. You can’t do anything with it. And the fact that you’re able to look even through all the stuff that happened to be able to see that there’s the awareness of, hey, I still have the opportunity to do something. It’s not an easy process. It never is. It’s not like you go, cool, I need to change some things. Well, let me go do that real quick and then I’ll go have lunch. That’s not how life works.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (08:30.587)
That’s right.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (08:36.367)
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (08:53.391)
Yeah. You know, not at all.
Nick McGowan (08:57.552)
What a beautiful thing for you to be able to transform that into what you have with your family. And I’m sure there’s a lot of stuff that we could get into and a lot of deep things, even dark times of like, how do I break from what I had before? And how do I not show that around my children? And like I said, I don’t have any kids, but the amount of times I’ve heard even friends say, I told myself I wasn’t going to be like my parents and still this thing popped up or I yelled or I did this, I did that.
But for your parents to go through what they went through and then to not tell you they love you and be in that spot. Unfortunately, and sadly, you’re not unique in that sense. There are so many people that are from that generation that they didn’t get that and they just continue to move it along. But as you said, it’s a duality of it too, where they did the best that they could, but even the best that they could was still not the best that should, you know, it’s like.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (09:51.153)
Mm
Nick McGowan (09:56.071)
You did what you could do, but did they also do the work for themselves to be able to do it? And maybe they didn’t know to do it. That’s a little bit of a sidestep. And I think something that we can kind of go down this path is being able to talk about generational trauma. That trauma was handed down over and over to you.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (10:03.259)
Yeah.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (10:09.457)
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (10:13.221)
Yes, and I agree with that, especially as an educator and administrator. I come in contact with so many children. Unfortunately, our kids are really, really hurting. And so they come and they’ll say, you know, I’ve been at home for several days. My parents are out on a trip or my mom is going on a vacation and the kids don’t understand the importance. And so a lot of our children go to school to be validated, to be loved, to be supported. And that was kind of my
I wanted to go to school to kind of get away from that environment because it was so toxic. And but I did understand over time that unfortunately, like some people, even with my students, some parents may not be in a position where they can believe that they can afford the help. And my position with my family back in the day in the 70s and 80s counseling and all of that was not a big in thing or something that everyone was doing, especially in our demographic.
And so just learning that it’s okay to seek out help is important. And so when I work with people now on a day -to -day basis, I want them to understand the impact your decisions and your choices have on the children in your lives and those around you. Because we think that, well, they’re kids, you know, they don’t know better. It’s not going to affect them. Everyone always says they’re so resilient, they’re bounced back. But the words, they last forever.
and they can tear up a person and they can truly traumatize them. And so we have to watch the words that are being said. Unfortunately, growing up, because my mom had heard a lot of mean hurtful things, she would in turn say certain things to me. So when I grew up, I had very low self -esteem. I thought my skin was so dark, my hair, things of that nature, and it made me not really like who I was, but it was because of the messages that I was receiving.
And it was not until I was able to not only do the work, but go into different environments where people would say, my gosh, your skin tone is so beautiful or my goodness, and I hear those different things. And so I would look at myself differently. And I know that, you know, I am not the situation that I’m in. I’m not the environment that I come from, even though it’s dysfunctional. And I know a lot of people say, well, you know, that’s dishonoring your family when you talk about it. But I
Dr. Nicole Bradford (12:39.843)
truly believe that everything in life, God puts you through things so you can help someone else. I am not the only person in the world that has experienced this in my personal life, with my in -laws, or even in the workplace. Everyone is going through something and unless you’re willing to stand up and speak out, you’re not going to be willing to help someone else to know that they too can overcome and come out on the other side.
Nick McGowan (13:06.044)
Yeah, that can be quite the journey to get there. You know, even think about your own journey of if you were to jump back to your older self or younger self rather, being able to say at some point you’ll talk about this, that self may have been like, yeah, but fuck off right now. Like I can’t even right now. Like I need to deal with this. And it takes a lot to be able to get to that point to have that. I appreciate you pointing that stuff out. One of the things I do want to talk about and get into is you mentioned the demographic.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (13:08.944)
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (13:21.851)
Yeah.
Nick McGowan (13:34.318)
And that’s one of the reasons why diversity is a big thing for us on this show, specifically to have other people of other races, genders, fluidity in all ways, to be able to be on this conversation, to talk about from your perspective and from kind of the niche in the world that you’re in. Different from what I was in, but sort of similar in certain ways, you know? So talk about that a bit. Cause I’ve heard people say that before in, in, in certain cultures.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (13:50.269)
Mm
Nick McGowan (14:02.341)
There are things that aren’t either said or things that aren’t done. But again, I feel like that goes back to generational trauma that just became fucking tradition because it was trauma. So you wanna unpack that a little bit?
Dr. Nicole Bradford (14:09.415)
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (14:13.661)
you
Yes, I mean, I can only speak from my experience because, know, if everyone is totally different. But I know when I was raised, I was told, you know, you don’t discuss your family business that only is discussed in the house. So it’s not looked upon if you go outside of your home to seek help. And then, of course, with, you know, relationships, you stay in there, you stay committed and you stay to this one person, irregardless of what’s going on, because your faith and your beliefs. And so, unfortunately,
Unfortunately, some people think that you may be quote unquote crazy if you go and seek help because, you know, only crazy people talk to other people about their business or only crazy people think that somebody else that’s just a human, just like I am, can actually help you solve those problems. And so I think in life you have to be courageous enough to step outside of that box because I could have stayed where I was again, the first
I mean, I’m the youngest of six, the first to even go to college. I could have stayed in that same box that this is what we do, but you have to want more for yourself. And you have to understand that it doesn’t stop here because eventually I’m going to have children and I’m going to have a legacy. So I cannot allow that to continue to be who I am and what I accept. I have to be willing to grow, have a growth mindset and want and accept more for my life.
Nick McGowan (15:43.258)
And you brought faith into this and I subscribe to it the same way that you do. Like God’s only gonna put you through the things that you can deal with and you can work through. At one point it hit me years and years ago, I was like, well, I guess worst case scenario I die. And then I go where he is. So all right, cool. Like worst case you’re gonna help me work through these things. And sometimes they’re really, really heavy lifts, things that just feel like they’re gonna make us crumble. But there’s also the systemic problem.
let’s say with religion, where there’s a lot of shame that comes with all of it. There are a lot of rules, no matter what religious sect you’re part of, Christian, Muslim or anything, there’s still rules and legal kind of pieces to it all. But how do you tie your faith into all of it while understanding there are still, there’s still people that just subscribe to the faith of it from a surface level and not as, let’s see,
God’s kind of basically like, all right, I’m going to help you, but you also got to help yourself. Like I think about that old story of, I don’t even know what it was really from, but like there was a flood and these people on their roof and God sends a boat and a helicopter and all these things that get up there and like, why didn’t you save me? He’s like, are kidding me? I sent you a boat, a helicopter. But then there are also the people that would say, well, just give it to Jesus. It’s like, yeah. However, you’re also here to do the work.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (16:55.546)
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (17:06.843)
you have to do here.
Nick McGowan (17:08.707)
So how do you tie that stuff together and understand that some people just believe in those things because they really need to have something they can latch onto, but they don’t do the deeper work to be able to heal and help with future generations like you are.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (17:22.94)
Yes.
I think it’s also not only a part of a mindset, but the way that you’re raised. And like you say, there are different versions of faith in people’s lives. Some people think you just pray about it and it’ll miraculously fix itself over time. But there are others that believe you do pray about it, but you’re going to have to put your faith in action because faith is an action word. have to believe and you have to keep moving forward. And for me, my faith is having a true relationship.
because it’s not just enough for me to check the box and go to church and to sit there and to do the things one day a week. It has to be a continuous process because you can’t just charge your phone in on Sundays and think it’s going to last for seven days. You have to do that over and over repeatedly. And I think that’s a part of the process and is knowing that. But when it comes to being resilient,
You have to know that you’re going to go through hard times. 2021, I lost my dad that I was taking care of. 2022, I lost my mom that I was taking care of. They were together for over 60 years. So of course she wasn’t going to stay much longer after him. She started to give up. And 2023, I found out I had endometrial cancer. And so you’re thinking like back to back to back. And at times you sit there and you’re like, like, really, can I have a time out?
Nick McGowan (18:49.954)
Yeah.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (18:50.409)
a lot and just caring for two very sick people at the same time was taxing. But I had to have those moments where I was able to pull away and spend time with myself, spend time in my faith, even though I was frustrated because when you talk about faith, you’re thinking you can fix this. Like, don’t have to, like, really, I don’t really have to go through this if you want to talk about it. you know, yeah, but you have to know that there
Nick McGowan (19:12.332)
Mm -hmm. Your will,
Dr. Nicole Bradford (19:20.384)
purpose in the pain and you have to be strong enough to continue to encourage yourself and know that you will indeed come out on the other side.
Nick McGowan (19:30.766)
first off, how are you? How are you with the endometrial cancer?
Dr. Nicole Bradford (19:35.825)
I’m
doing much better. had a full hysterectomy and I try to educate people because, you know, going through the process with my parents, I thought, you know, and this may be too much, but I thought that, I’m just spotting because I’m stressed. And that’s what everyone tells you. if you’re spotting your stress. No, if you’re spotting and you’re not supposed to be, you need to go immediately because endometrial cancer can spread so fast. So thank God we were able to catch it in the way we caught it.
It is my son that’s in Angelo State called me one day and he was like, mommy, I had a very, very bad dream about you. You need to go to the doctor. And I was like, no, I don’t like doctors. I’m not going. And he was like, no, you need to go to the doctor. And he woke up and he was crying and he was hysterical. And I came back and I’m like, wow. So I’m very thankful we had that dream.
Nick McGowan (20:32.409)
Well, you and I both know where that came from. know, like God’s like, well, she’s not getting it. You’ll tell her. Yeah, I need you to tell her this. That’s a lot and that’s not too much. I mean, that’s part of what we get into here. This is the real stuff. My partner went through a myomectomy and then a hysterectomy and was hemorrhaging and then became vitamin B and D deficient.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (20:36.229)
Yes, yes.
Yeah, yes.
Nick McGowan (21:01.142)
And it’s been a long grueling process throughout all of it. And there are certain times where I’ve, I’ve prayed and I’ve wondered like, we as men don’t deal with this stuff. And especially with the patriarchy throughout the entire globe, it seems like a lot of people don’t understand it, but I don’t understand how they can understand it. Like somebody, you know, has had that or dealt with it. And the things that we’ve read about with endometriosis and what pain you must be in.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (21:23.974)
Mm -hmm.
Nick McGowan (21:30.436)
Constantly like what a crazy thing and then having a major surgery like that like we joke at different times Where I’ll say to her like six weeks, huh? Like yeah, you’ll be good in six weeks, right? But they’re like, yeah six weeks. You’ll be fine That was like so she’ll be like dead lifting in six or seven weeks. No, like man, maybe not that but you know close enough Like that’s crazy Doesn’t make any sense
Dr. Nicole Bradford (21:47.91)
Yeah.
Nick McGowan (21:56.471)
But you also brought up how God will put us through the things and allow us to go through those things. And there is meaning in suffering. We always will go through it no matter what. nobody’s going to enter this world just skate through. Hell, Buddha didn’t even do that. And he had everything laid out for him. But you think about all the stuff that you go through to then be able to share. And I think this ties into purpose work as well, which is one of the major things that we talk about on the show.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (22:13.245)
exactly.
Nick McGowan (22:26.274)
Where there are a lot of people that will think, if I have this purpose, it has to be Steve Jobs level or Oprah level or something like that. But sometimes it’s literally just community or family level. Like you will go through things and how you show others, how you show up in that and the reality and the authenticity of it could also help them. So what do you feel about?
Dr. Nicole Bradford (22:49.307)
I totally agree and I believe that it’s definitely impacting those around you because people are always watching. And especially when you profess all these wonderful things and you get up and, I’m a Christian and I go to church and I’m great. But then, you know, I’ll curse you out in a heartbeat or when I have hard times, I’m just, I’m done. I’m ready to go. It’s over. But you have to be able to apply what you’re learning on a daily basis.
It’s very important to have that relationship so you’re able to get through those difficult dark times.
Nick McGowan (23:23.714)
Yeah. And isn’t it wild how God will speak in different ways and different things. Some things that they’re just not a churchy, like the line you gave me about, can’t just charge your phone in. That’s a churchy line. and I understand. I spent 10 years in churches playing lead guitar and worship bands and all that. So amount of those like little one -liners and quips, I could see people and congregation going like, cool. All right. Got it.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (23:28.092)
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (23:32.914)
Mm
Dr. Nicole Bradford (23:38.338)
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (23:46.863)
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (23:51.781)
-huh.
Nick McGowan (23:52.973)
but it’s always wild how God will speak in different ways. I read Man’s Search for Meaning a number of years ago, and I felt God speaking to me through that book specifically about there’s meaning and purpose in suffering. I shortly after that got a divorce and was like, great, there’s new things to do in life, but there are ways that God will speak to us. So let’s talk about that a little bit where
Even for the people that don’t fully believe that there’s God or they want to look at it as energy or however, I don’t believe that there’s just a big bearded man somewhere sitting on a throne somewhere. It’s a deeper conscious energy. But those people that have had this stuff that you worked through and that you went through as a child that are now in a stage where they’re either having kids or they don’t want to have kids because they don’t feel like they can or they’re still trying to work and reel through that.
What sort of advice do you give to them that they’re trying to figure out? How do I process through? How do I deal with and how do I become stronger and better from the things that I’ve been through? And where does my faith tie into that?
Dr. Nicole Bradford (25:04.769)
say the energy, whatever you put out and what you focus on the most, that’s what you’re going to attract. So you have to find the good in the situation. And it can be very dark at times, it can be very lonely. Even for me, at times with my parents, I’ve…
felt very alone and I have five siblings, even number five right before me had passed away unexpectedly in 2018. But it was very difficult. And so you have to find that ability to look for the positive in the situation and you have to look for small ways to see your faith in action and see his hand in your life. There are ways that you’re continuing to be blessed every single day.
merely you getting up and being able to walk to the grocery store, to be able to purchase different things. Now that I’ve cared for both of my parents, it has definitely shifted my perspective on life because there’s so much that we take for granted. We may say I am going through literally all this hell and my life is a wreck, but yet you just got up and I’m sorry to be graphic, you went to the restroom and wiped your butt.
Nick McGowan (26:21.483)
Yeah.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (26:22.071)
Do you know how humiliating it was for my parents to be unable to do that? And so those simple things that you take for granted, those are blessings in itself. Yes, you may not get the things that you want, but he’s always going to give you what you need. And you think it’s just financial.
you think it’s just a relationship, it could be a hundred times worse. So we have to focus on the positive. We must focus on the good. And then we have to find that internal fire inside of us so we can maintain our flame for ourselves, advocate for ourselves. We show up for everybody else. But when it comes to you, we tend to believe what the world tells us, who we are and who we should be instead of standing in our truth and knowing who
you are despite what you’re going through.
So look for the small blessings every day. Look for his hand in your life and hold on to your faith. He only asks for a mustard seed. He doesn’t say you have to believe in everything and you have to have everything down pat. None of us do. No one’s perfect. But if you have a small grain seed of a mustard faith, you’ll see that there’s some positive in your life and there’s a lot for you to be thankful and grateful for.
Nick McGowan (27:26.272)
Mm
Nick McGowan (27:43.999)
I agree. I still want to be able to move a mountain with my mind though. You know, like the rest of the verse. And oftentimes I will think about, I’ll see a bird outside where I’m at in the house that I’m at right now. There’s a tree that’s out here. The house that we have that we live in. have a few trees outside the window where my desk is and I can see birds coming and going. And we have birds that, you know, go to the feeder and all that stuff. But I will often think about that verse where
Dr. Nicole Bradford (27:47.779)
Yeah. Yes, yes.
Nick McGowan (28:13.259)
God takes care of the birds. They don’t have to worry. Why are you any different? And you mean more than the birds. I don’t know. There’s some really great, great birds out there, some beautiful ones. Maybe they mean a little bit more, but that thought of just, we are taken care of and it’s there. And I think what you’re talking about too, and I want to call this out. This isn’t just a BS, gratitude thing where you’re like, I’m happy and I’m grateful for this, grateful for that. It’s really actually anchoring into it.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (28:15.291)
That’s all right.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (28:23.238)
Yes.
Nick McGowan (28:43.209)
understanding perspective of it. And even if at some point we do need to have somebody help us and assist us, that will be okay at that point. You will also have that to be able to help you. And that right there is still something to be grateful and thankful for. But it sometimes we get stuck in, I’m just grumbling and upset about whatever. I think there’s a lot of blocks in people, blockages in people.
that hold them from being able to get through those things. And that’s where deep subconscious processing comes into play. It’s not just a faith thing per se. It’s actually doing the work, unblocking yourself and working through the trauma that’s literally stuck in your body and being able to work through those things. Go ahead. Yeah.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (29:25.477)
And I don’t mean to be disrespectful or anything to anyone, but sometimes we put more on ourselves than we should. And even during my very hard times, especially with my parents, and you can sit there all day and say, woe is me and I’m angry about this. But number one, you have to understand, like you said, people are there.
It’s okay to get help. It just may be temporary. It doesn’t mean you’re going to go to a counselor for the rest of your lives. You may just need help to get over that hump. So you have to let go of your pride and you have to be willing to help someone for help. mean, ask someone for help because a lot of people will say, well, I wasn’t raised that way. We were supposed to pull ourselves by our own bootstraps and figure it out, but then you’re going to stay stuck. And so you need to be willing to reach out to others and also understand that
Nick McGowan (30:13.536)
Mm
Dr. Nicole Bradford (30:19.295)
you have control over your situation, even though you may not believe it and you don’t want to think that you do, you have control. You can sit there and cry all day, every day and get nothing accomplished. Or you can cry and then say, you know, I’m going to cut it off and I’m going to get up and I’m going to do something about it. So I’m even going to try to reach out to a friend or my marriage may be falling apart right now, but I’m going to accept my role in that situation. And then I’m
going to do something about it. There’s a method my sister before me, Felicia, she’s deceased now. Whenever I had problems, she would say, Nicole, I want you to go in a restroom. I want you to write on a piece of toilet paper everything that you’re angry about, whatever you’re frustrated about. I want you to review it. I want you to reflect upon it. But most importantly, I want you to understand your role in that situation and figure out what you can learn from it. Then I want you to ball it up.
and I want you to flush it. It’s facing life’s uncomfortable situation so you can heal. If you’re not willing to face it head on and deal with it and do the hard work, you’re going to keep yourself in a position where you cannot heal and you cannot move forward. So if it’s an unhealthy relationship, that other person has gone on. If it’s a broken friendship, that other person has gone on. Even if it’s for me losing both of my parents and I look around and I’m like,
I got cheated out of that. My older siblings had all this time with them and I’m the youngest and there are people that still have parents at 78 and 80 years old, but I’m not gonna be able to heal and move forward and remember the memories and be stronger because it happened if I choose to stay stuck in that situation and not move forward and heal.
Nick McGowan (32:11.91)
Yeah, absolutely. It’s a choice at that point. And there’s, it can be hard to see it as a choice. It can also be kind of inspiring and motivating to go, yeah, I have that choice and to be able to do something with it. It’s not easy. And sometimes it’s easier than what we think it can be. And I know it’s a bit ambiguous to say it like that, but sometimes we think like, it might be really difficult to get up and get out and go do this thing. But sometimes once you’re just up and out and you’re doing the thing, it’s like,
isn’t actually that bad and it’s better that way. So along that line, what sort of advice would you give to somebody that’s on their path towards self -mastery?
Dr. Nicole Bradford (32:51.493)
I would just tell them to number one, stand in your truth and be willing to love on yourself, get to know yourself and give yourself some grace because it’s not going to be easy. It’s not going to happen overnight. Here I am growing up in a dysfunctional household, being called different things, seeing myself in a different manner. I’m glad that my parents were able to grow and learn and of course, towards the latter part of their lives, I heard I love you and all of those things, but you have to be willing to put
in the work for yourself and you have to make yourself a priority. No one’s more important than you are and if you’re still here you have a purpose and you have potential but you have to have the passion to make it happen. So each day as hard as it is there are days I didn’t want to get out of bed. There are days I was so angry that this even happened and then I would blame myself. It’s my fault they’re still not here because I had to put them in hospice and I felt guilty about those things.
but there is a process in life and if I stayed in that bed I wouldn’t have the strength to encourage other people and to know that it can happen not only for me but for someone else. So believe in yourself, hold on to your faith and just take it moment by moment, not day by day, moment by moment knowing that you will come out on the other side.
Nick McGowan (34:13.703)
Yeah, that’s great. It’s like looking at it at a macro level and being able to take it step by step. I really appreciate you being on today. Thank you for sharing all the words of wisdom and the background and stuff that you’ve gone through. Before I let you go, where can people find you and where can they connect with you?
Dr. Nicole Bradford (34:16.933)
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (34:29.947)
Well, I have a website. It’s www .maintaintheflame, all one word, dot net. And there they can learn more about me, my speaking, my books, and we can connect.
Nick McGowan (34:45.042)
Again, thank you so much for being on today. It’s been a pleasure.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (34:48.359)
Thank you for having me, I enjoyed it.
https://youtu.be/_FAyKZ1_u8s
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By Nick McGowan“It’s not important to be who everyone else wants you to be, but you have to stand up for your truth.”
In this episode, Nick speaks with Dr. Nicole Bradford, who shares her journey of overcoming childhood trauma and finding her purpose in helping others. She discusses the importance of self-awareness, faith, and taking control of one’s own life. Dr. Bradford emphasizes the need to find the positive in every situation and to seek help when needed. She encourages individuals to stand in their truth, prioritize self-care, and give themselves grace. Dr. Bradford’s message is one of resilience, healing, and the power of personal growth.
What to listen for:
“Everything in life, God puts you through things so you can help someone else.”
“There’s purpose in the pain, and you have to be strong enough to continue to encourage yourself.”
“Look for the small blessings every day. Look for his hand in your life and hold on to your faith.”
About Dr. Nicole D. Bradford
With more than two decades of experience in multiple leadership roles across all levels of education, Dr. Nicole Bradford is recognized as an industry thought leader and subject matter expert.
As an author, entrepreneur, speaker, and founder of Maintain the Flame, Dr. Bradford leverages her experiences over the years to inspire, motivate, and challenge audiences to shift their thinking toward living their full authentic selves while making a positive impact on others. Her latest book due to be released in August, Your Soul Is Not For Sale, is a self-empowerment hand guide leading readers on a journey deeper into their unique truth.
Over the course of her career, Dr. Bradford is most proud of being able to work alongside youth to achieve their personal and academic goals. Through advocacy and relentless support, she has a tenured track record of helping countless students and families from disadvantaged communities to thrive in the face of adversity.
As a first-generation college graduate and the first black woman to hold the title of Ms. Austin USA in the 90s, Dr. Bradford doesn’t believe we should live out the limiting scripts handed to us by others. She’s an advocate for carving out a journey that is aligned with our innate passions, allowing what we love to lead the way.
Resources:
Check out these other episodes about resilience:
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Click To View The Episode Transcript
Nick McGowan (00:01.857)
Hello and welcome to the mindset and self mastery show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan and today on the show I have Dr. Nicole Bradford. Dr. Bradford, how are you doing?
Dr. Nicole Bradford (00:13.021)
I’m doing great. Thank you so much for the opportunity to be here.
Nick McGowan (00:16.27)
Absolutely. I’m really excited for us to get into the things we’re gonna get into today. So why don’t you kick us off? Tell us what you do for a living and what’s one thing most people don’t know about you that’s maybe a little odd or bizarre.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (00:27.197)
Well, what I do for a living, I am the owner of Maintain the Flame, a company that was established to help others design the life that they desire and live audaciously authentic. And I am an educator and administrator that has spent over 20 years in the field of education. And something that most people do not know about me is that when I was younger, I would always go to Michael Jackson Lookalike Contest. I had my
jerry curl and the red jacket and the glove and I would do lots of competitions and so back in the day my mom was like my momager and so she pushed me to the front and get out there and dance Nicole. I wasn’t the greatest but I had a lot of fun doing it.
Nick McGowan (01:13.592)
So do you still moonwalk every once in a while?
Dr. Nicole Bradford (01:16.567)
Yes, yes, just to prove it to my children that I can.
Nick McGowan (01:21.07)
That’s funny. think once you learn that you can do that thing, you do it just periodically. Like I’ll moonwalk out of a room every once in a while, like something’s awkward. I’m like, all right. That’s so cool. And especially for you to be able to not only enjoy what you wanted to do, but you went ahead with that. And it’s interesting with the mom and your thing. Well played on that too. there are certain parents that almost look at their kid and say, well,
Dr. Nicole Bradford (01:30.366)
yeah, man. Yes, I love it.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (01:43.353)
Thanks.
Nick McGowan (01:49.492)
I couldn’t do this thing so I want you to do it. And there are other parents that also say, well, I couldn’t do this thing so I don’t want you to do it. So did you experience any of that or what was that like when you were growing up?
Dr. Nicole Bradford (01:56.844)
See you.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (02:01.433)
No, my mom was just a big Michael Jackson fan herself. And so she wanted to get as close as she could to the famous people and all the stars. And she thought she had a baby that had all the talent in the world and just just push me along the way. But I don’t believe she had any aspirations to do anything like that. But she was just a big fan of mine. Yes.
Nick McGowan (02:04.098)
Okay.
Nick McGowan (02:23.255)
That’s cool. It’s awesome to have a big fan in that sense instead of somebody who’s like, this is my meal ticket. Like I think there, I see that sometimes with people that are into sports, like their kids good at something. They’re like, cool. Well, you’re going to get an NFL contract at some point and we need a new home. We need this, whatever. But I always find it so beautiful. Like I don’t have any children, but it’s beautiful when parents just want their kids to have better than what they had and they want to do everything they can to help them.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (02:29.817)
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (02:35.494)
Mm
Dr. Nicole Bradford (02:52.85)
Mm
Nick McGowan (02:53.611)
What a beautiful thing. Do you have kids?
Dr. Nicole Bradford (02:56.177)
yes, yes, I have three amazing children. My oldest is a teacher. She’s been a teacher for the past four years. She graduated from Hampton University. My son is actually one of those football stars that you talk about. He’s at Angelo State. He graduated last year and he’s working on his master’s, so he has one season left of eligibility. And then my youngest is at UNT and she is in her senior year.
Nick McGowan (03:24.621)
Wow, so you’re not proud of your children at all, are you? That’s awesome.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (03:27.741)
I’m very blessed. I have an amazing group of children.
Nick McGowan (03:33.899)
That’s great. And especially to be able to work on the things that you work on. Look at the kids that you have, look at what they’re doing and being able to tie it all together. Why don’t you tell us a little bit about your background, like how you got to where you’re at and how it is that you do what you do.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (03:50.673)
Well, yeah, just to tell you a little bit about myself, I was born and raised in Austin, Texas. I’m the youngest of six children. And so my parents, they started off with very, very humble beginnings. And so they, but they were able to work. They were very hard workers and they were very successful in the end. But unfortunately I was raised in a very dysfunctional household. I had to witness domestic violence. There were times that I had family
members that would go in and out of the criminal justice system, involvement with drugs and crime and things of that nature. And that was very difficult for me because I am someone that loves hard and family is everything to me. And so seeing that my two biggest individuals that I admire, my parents at odds at time, was very hard for me. There was a time that I had to go to the hospital with my mother
because she was so bruised and battered that she had her wedding ring that was kind of lodged in her finger. And so I would beg her, you know, can you please leave? This is not good for us. And she told me, no, your other siblings had your mom and your they’re both of their parents and you meet both of your parents as well. So I stayed through that. We stayed in that relationship and they were able to reconcile at the latter part of their lives.
but it did, it was very traumatic for me. And so of course I had to go and seek counseling so that I can understand that Nicole, where you are in that environment, that doesn’t determine who you are as a person and what your life can become. And so you just talked about my top three priorities in my life and I made a conscious decision that I am going to be different for my children. And so growing up, unfortunately, I didn’t hear the words,
love you.” I didn’t hear those words until I went off to college and when I went off to college I understood I’m gonna be commuting and driving back and forth and something could happen to me and so I would start saying I love you and then I would hear it back but when I had my child my mom said you know you just had her
Dr. Nicole Bradford (06:10.877)
She’s whatever years old and you’ve told that child I love you 40 times in the last two seconds but I wanted to pour into them and to give them everything that I did not receive and I wanted them to know that I’m going to be your biggest supporter, your biggest advocate and even though I changed that environment for my children I had to understand my parents did the best that they could with what they had because she couldn’t give me what she didn’t have and so I applaud
Nick McGowan (06:35.024)
Yeah.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (06:40.863)
them. I love my parents. I was able to take care of them the last three years of their lives and that was in itself was very difficult seeing my dad succumb to after all of the strokes that he went through and being nonverbal and then my mom suffering through Parkinson’s disease and it was just difficult at times but for me very important to be there for them as they transitioned and so I dealt with my childhood trauma
A part of maintain the flame is you transition. You’re young, you’re vibrant, you have all this energy for life, but then as you become an adult, you start to conform.
And you’re looking around like, okay, do I fit here? Will it work here? And coming from my family and then going into even being married with my in -laws that, know, it kind of like my favorite movie, Meet the Fuckers. Do you fit in this circle? Are you outside of the circle? And so I had to understand and quickly…
Nick McGowan (07:21.828)
Mm
Nick McGowan (07:36.756)
hehe
Dr. Nicole Bradford (07:43.217)
come to grips that Nicole, you need to figure out who you are. And it’s not important to be who everyone else wants you to be, but you have to stand in your truth. Even though it’s gonna come with some consequences, it’s going to be difficult at time, but you have to do what serves you best.
Nick McGowan (08:00.811)
There’s a lot to that. And there’s a lot that I want to commend you for. You know, you, you have, you have kids, you’ve been able to realize different things. The self -awareness of it, I think is the biggest piece to all of this and doing all the episodes that I’ve done, all the conversations I’ve had, even with clients and prospects and people and different networking and all of that self -awareness is the thing that I think a lot of people don’t give enough credit to because once you’re aware of something, you can do something about it.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (08:02.953)
Yes.
Nick McGowan (08:30.438)
If we think, if you’re not aware of something, you have no idea it’s there. You can’t do anything with it. And the fact that you’re able to look even through all the stuff that happened to be able to see that there’s the awareness of, hey, I still have the opportunity to do something. It’s not an easy process. It never is. It’s not like you go, cool, I need to change some things. Well, let me go do that real quick and then I’ll go have lunch. That’s not how life works.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (08:30.587)
That’s right.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (08:36.367)
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (08:53.391)
Yeah. You know, not at all.
Nick McGowan (08:57.552)
What a beautiful thing for you to be able to transform that into what you have with your family. And I’m sure there’s a lot of stuff that we could get into and a lot of deep things, even dark times of like, how do I break from what I had before? And how do I not show that around my children? And like I said, I don’t have any kids, but the amount of times I’ve heard even friends say, I told myself I wasn’t going to be like my parents and still this thing popped up or I yelled or I did this, I did that.
But for your parents to go through what they went through and then to not tell you they love you and be in that spot. Unfortunately, and sadly, you’re not unique in that sense. There are so many people that are from that generation that they didn’t get that and they just continue to move it along. But as you said, it’s a duality of it too, where they did the best that they could, but even the best that they could was still not the best that should, you know, it’s like.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (09:51.153)
Mm
Nick McGowan (09:56.071)
You did what you could do, but did they also do the work for themselves to be able to do it? And maybe they didn’t know to do it. That’s a little bit of a sidestep. And I think something that we can kind of go down this path is being able to talk about generational trauma. That trauma was handed down over and over to you.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (10:03.259)
Yeah.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (10:09.457)
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (10:13.221)
Yes, and I agree with that, especially as an educator and administrator. I come in contact with so many children. Unfortunately, our kids are really, really hurting. And so they come and they’ll say, you know, I’ve been at home for several days. My parents are out on a trip or my mom is going on a vacation and the kids don’t understand the importance. And so a lot of our children go to school to be validated, to be loved, to be supported. And that was kind of my
I wanted to go to school to kind of get away from that environment because it was so toxic. And but I did understand over time that unfortunately, like some people, even with my students, some parents may not be in a position where they can believe that they can afford the help. And my position with my family back in the day in the 70s and 80s counseling and all of that was not a big in thing or something that everyone was doing, especially in our demographic.
And so just learning that it’s okay to seek out help is important. And so when I work with people now on a day -to -day basis, I want them to understand the impact your decisions and your choices have on the children in your lives and those around you. Because we think that, well, they’re kids, you know, they don’t know better. It’s not going to affect them. Everyone always says they’re so resilient, they’re bounced back. But the words, they last forever.
and they can tear up a person and they can truly traumatize them. And so we have to watch the words that are being said. Unfortunately, growing up, because my mom had heard a lot of mean hurtful things, she would in turn say certain things to me. So when I grew up, I had very low self -esteem. I thought my skin was so dark, my hair, things of that nature, and it made me not really like who I was, but it was because of the messages that I was receiving.
And it was not until I was able to not only do the work, but go into different environments where people would say, my gosh, your skin tone is so beautiful or my goodness, and I hear those different things. And so I would look at myself differently. And I know that, you know, I am not the situation that I’m in. I’m not the environment that I come from, even though it’s dysfunctional. And I know a lot of people say, well, you know, that’s dishonoring your family when you talk about it. But I
Dr. Nicole Bradford (12:39.843)
truly believe that everything in life, God puts you through things so you can help someone else. I am not the only person in the world that has experienced this in my personal life, with my in -laws, or even in the workplace. Everyone is going through something and unless you’re willing to stand up and speak out, you’re not going to be willing to help someone else to know that they too can overcome and come out on the other side.
Nick McGowan (13:06.044)
Yeah, that can be quite the journey to get there. You know, even think about your own journey of if you were to jump back to your older self or younger self rather, being able to say at some point you’ll talk about this, that self may have been like, yeah, but fuck off right now. Like I can’t even right now. Like I need to deal with this. And it takes a lot to be able to get to that point to have that. I appreciate you pointing that stuff out. One of the things I do want to talk about and get into is you mentioned the demographic.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (13:08.944)
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (13:21.851)
Yeah.
Nick McGowan (13:34.318)
And that’s one of the reasons why diversity is a big thing for us on this show, specifically to have other people of other races, genders, fluidity in all ways, to be able to be on this conversation, to talk about from your perspective and from kind of the niche in the world that you’re in. Different from what I was in, but sort of similar in certain ways, you know? So talk about that a bit. Cause I’ve heard people say that before in, in, in certain cultures.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (13:50.269)
Mm
Nick McGowan (14:02.341)
There are things that aren’t either said or things that aren’t done. But again, I feel like that goes back to generational trauma that just became fucking tradition because it was trauma. So you wanna unpack that a little bit?
Dr. Nicole Bradford (14:09.415)
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (14:13.661)
you
Yes, I mean, I can only speak from my experience because, know, if everyone is totally different. But I know when I was raised, I was told, you know, you don’t discuss your family business that only is discussed in the house. So it’s not looked upon if you go outside of your home to seek help. And then, of course, with, you know, relationships, you stay in there, you stay committed and you stay to this one person, irregardless of what’s going on, because your faith and your beliefs. And so, unfortunately,
Unfortunately, some people think that you may be quote unquote crazy if you go and seek help because, you know, only crazy people talk to other people about their business or only crazy people think that somebody else that’s just a human, just like I am, can actually help you solve those problems. And so I think in life you have to be courageous enough to step outside of that box because I could have stayed where I was again, the first
I mean, I’m the youngest of six, the first to even go to college. I could have stayed in that same box that this is what we do, but you have to want more for yourself. And you have to understand that it doesn’t stop here because eventually I’m going to have children and I’m going to have a legacy. So I cannot allow that to continue to be who I am and what I accept. I have to be willing to grow, have a growth mindset and want and accept more for my life.
Nick McGowan (15:43.258)
And you brought faith into this and I subscribe to it the same way that you do. Like God’s only gonna put you through the things that you can deal with and you can work through. At one point it hit me years and years ago, I was like, well, I guess worst case scenario I die. And then I go where he is. So all right, cool. Like worst case you’re gonna help me work through these things. And sometimes they’re really, really heavy lifts, things that just feel like they’re gonna make us crumble. But there’s also the systemic problem.
let’s say with religion, where there’s a lot of shame that comes with all of it. There are a lot of rules, no matter what religious sect you’re part of, Christian, Muslim or anything, there’s still rules and legal kind of pieces to it all. But how do you tie your faith into all of it while understanding there are still, there’s still people that just subscribe to the faith of it from a surface level and not as, let’s see,
God’s kind of basically like, all right, I’m going to help you, but you also got to help yourself. Like I think about that old story of, I don’t even know what it was really from, but like there was a flood and these people on their roof and God sends a boat and a helicopter and all these things that get up there and like, why didn’t you save me? He’s like, are kidding me? I sent you a boat, a helicopter. But then there are also the people that would say, well, just give it to Jesus. It’s like, yeah. However, you’re also here to do the work.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (16:55.546)
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (17:06.843)
you have to do here.
Nick McGowan (17:08.707)
So how do you tie that stuff together and understand that some people just believe in those things because they really need to have something they can latch onto, but they don’t do the deeper work to be able to heal and help with future generations like you are.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (17:22.94)
Yes.
I think it’s also not only a part of a mindset, but the way that you’re raised. And like you say, there are different versions of faith in people’s lives. Some people think you just pray about it and it’ll miraculously fix itself over time. But there are others that believe you do pray about it, but you’re going to have to put your faith in action because faith is an action word. have to believe and you have to keep moving forward. And for me, my faith is having a true relationship.
because it’s not just enough for me to check the box and go to church and to sit there and to do the things one day a week. It has to be a continuous process because you can’t just charge your phone in on Sundays and think it’s going to last for seven days. You have to do that over and over repeatedly. And I think that’s a part of the process and is knowing that. But when it comes to being resilient,
You have to know that you’re going to go through hard times. 2021, I lost my dad that I was taking care of. 2022, I lost my mom that I was taking care of. They were together for over 60 years. So of course she wasn’t going to stay much longer after him. She started to give up. And 2023, I found out I had endometrial cancer. And so you’re thinking like back to back to back. And at times you sit there and you’re like, like, really, can I have a time out?
Nick McGowan (18:49.954)
Yeah.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (18:50.409)
a lot and just caring for two very sick people at the same time was taxing. But I had to have those moments where I was able to pull away and spend time with myself, spend time in my faith, even though I was frustrated because when you talk about faith, you’re thinking you can fix this. Like, don’t have to, like, really, I don’t really have to go through this if you want to talk about it. you know, yeah, but you have to know that there
Nick McGowan (19:12.332)
Mm -hmm. Your will,
Dr. Nicole Bradford (19:20.384)
purpose in the pain and you have to be strong enough to continue to encourage yourself and know that you will indeed come out on the other side.
Nick McGowan (19:30.766)
first off, how are you? How are you with the endometrial cancer?
Dr. Nicole Bradford (19:35.825)
I’m
doing much better. had a full hysterectomy and I try to educate people because, you know, going through the process with my parents, I thought, you know, and this may be too much, but I thought that, I’m just spotting because I’m stressed. And that’s what everyone tells you. if you’re spotting your stress. No, if you’re spotting and you’re not supposed to be, you need to go immediately because endometrial cancer can spread so fast. So thank God we were able to catch it in the way we caught it.
It is my son that’s in Angelo State called me one day and he was like, mommy, I had a very, very bad dream about you. You need to go to the doctor. And I was like, no, I don’t like doctors. I’m not going. And he was like, no, you need to go to the doctor. And he woke up and he was crying and he was hysterical. And I came back and I’m like, wow. So I’m very thankful we had that dream.
Nick McGowan (20:32.409)
Well, you and I both know where that came from. know, like God’s like, well, she’s not getting it. You’ll tell her. Yeah, I need you to tell her this. That’s a lot and that’s not too much. I mean, that’s part of what we get into here. This is the real stuff. My partner went through a myomectomy and then a hysterectomy and was hemorrhaging and then became vitamin B and D deficient.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (20:36.229)
Yes, yes.
Yeah, yes.
Nick McGowan (21:01.142)
And it’s been a long grueling process throughout all of it. And there are certain times where I’ve, I’ve prayed and I’ve wondered like, we as men don’t deal with this stuff. And especially with the patriarchy throughout the entire globe, it seems like a lot of people don’t understand it, but I don’t understand how they can understand it. Like somebody, you know, has had that or dealt with it. And the things that we’ve read about with endometriosis and what pain you must be in.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (21:23.974)
Mm -hmm.
Nick McGowan (21:30.436)
Constantly like what a crazy thing and then having a major surgery like that like we joke at different times Where I’ll say to her like six weeks, huh? Like yeah, you’ll be good in six weeks, right? But they’re like, yeah six weeks. You’ll be fine That was like so she’ll be like dead lifting in six or seven weeks. No, like man, maybe not that but you know close enough Like that’s crazy Doesn’t make any sense
Dr. Nicole Bradford (21:47.91)
Yeah.
Nick McGowan (21:56.471)
But you also brought up how God will put us through the things and allow us to go through those things. And there is meaning in suffering. We always will go through it no matter what. nobody’s going to enter this world just skate through. Hell, Buddha didn’t even do that. And he had everything laid out for him. But you think about all the stuff that you go through to then be able to share. And I think this ties into purpose work as well, which is one of the major things that we talk about on the show.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (22:13.245)
exactly.
Nick McGowan (22:26.274)
Where there are a lot of people that will think, if I have this purpose, it has to be Steve Jobs level or Oprah level or something like that. But sometimes it’s literally just community or family level. Like you will go through things and how you show others, how you show up in that and the reality and the authenticity of it could also help them. So what do you feel about?
Dr. Nicole Bradford (22:49.307)
I totally agree and I believe that it’s definitely impacting those around you because people are always watching. And especially when you profess all these wonderful things and you get up and, I’m a Christian and I go to church and I’m great. But then, you know, I’ll curse you out in a heartbeat or when I have hard times, I’m just, I’m done. I’m ready to go. It’s over. But you have to be able to apply what you’re learning on a daily basis.
It’s very important to have that relationship so you’re able to get through those difficult dark times.
Nick McGowan (23:23.714)
Yeah. And isn’t it wild how God will speak in different ways and different things. Some things that they’re just not a churchy, like the line you gave me about, can’t just charge your phone in. That’s a churchy line. and I understand. I spent 10 years in churches playing lead guitar and worship bands and all that. So amount of those like little one -liners and quips, I could see people and congregation going like, cool. All right. Got it.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (23:28.092)
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (23:32.914)
Mm
Dr. Nicole Bradford (23:38.338)
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (23:46.863)
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (23:51.781)
-huh.
Nick McGowan (23:52.973)
but it’s always wild how God will speak in different ways. I read Man’s Search for Meaning a number of years ago, and I felt God speaking to me through that book specifically about there’s meaning and purpose in suffering. I shortly after that got a divorce and was like, great, there’s new things to do in life, but there are ways that God will speak to us. So let’s talk about that a little bit where
Even for the people that don’t fully believe that there’s God or they want to look at it as energy or however, I don’t believe that there’s just a big bearded man somewhere sitting on a throne somewhere. It’s a deeper conscious energy. But those people that have had this stuff that you worked through and that you went through as a child that are now in a stage where they’re either having kids or they don’t want to have kids because they don’t feel like they can or they’re still trying to work and reel through that.
What sort of advice do you give to them that they’re trying to figure out? How do I process through? How do I deal with and how do I become stronger and better from the things that I’ve been through? And where does my faith tie into that?
Dr. Nicole Bradford (25:04.769)
say the energy, whatever you put out and what you focus on the most, that’s what you’re going to attract. So you have to find the good in the situation. And it can be very dark at times, it can be very lonely. Even for me, at times with my parents, I’ve…
felt very alone and I have five siblings, even number five right before me had passed away unexpectedly in 2018. But it was very difficult. And so you have to find that ability to look for the positive in the situation and you have to look for small ways to see your faith in action and see his hand in your life. There are ways that you’re continuing to be blessed every single day.
merely you getting up and being able to walk to the grocery store, to be able to purchase different things. Now that I’ve cared for both of my parents, it has definitely shifted my perspective on life because there’s so much that we take for granted. We may say I am going through literally all this hell and my life is a wreck, but yet you just got up and I’m sorry to be graphic, you went to the restroom and wiped your butt.
Nick McGowan (26:21.483)
Yeah.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (26:22.071)
Do you know how humiliating it was for my parents to be unable to do that? And so those simple things that you take for granted, those are blessings in itself. Yes, you may not get the things that you want, but he’s always going to give you what you need. And you think it’s just financial.
you think it’s just a relationship, it could be a hundred times worse. So we have to focus on the positive. We must focus on the good. And then we have to find that internal fire inside of us so we can maintain our flame for ourselves, advocate for ourselves. We show up for everybody else. But when it comes to you, we tend to believe what the world tells us, who we are and who we should be instead of standing in our truth and knowing who
you are despite what you’re going through.
So look for the small blessings every day. Look for his hand in your life and hold on to your faith. He only asks for a mustard seed. He doesn’t say you have to believe in everything and you have to have everything down pat. None of us do. No one’s perfect. But if you have a small grain seed of a mustard faith, you’ll see that there’s some positive in your life and there’s a lot for you to be thankful and grateful for.
Nick McGowan (27:26.272)
Mm
Nick McGowan (27:43.999)
I agree. I still want to be able to move a mountain with my mind though. You know, like the rest of the verse. And oftentimes I will think about, I’ll see a bird outside where I’m at in the house that I’m at right now. There’s a tree that’s out here. The house that we have that we live in. have a few trees outside the window where my desk is and I can see birds coming and going. And we have birds that, you know, go to the feeder and all that stuff. But I will often think about that verse where
Dr. Nicole Bradford (27:47.779)
Yeah. Yes, yes.
Nick McGowan (28:13.259)
God takes care of the birds. They don’t have to worry. Why are you any different? And you mean more than the birds. I don’t know. There’s some really great, great birds out there, some beautiful ones. Maybe they mean a little bit more, but that thought of just, we are taken care of and it’s there. And I think what you’re talking about too, and I want to call this out. This isn’t just a BS, gratitude thing where you’re like, I’m happy and I’m grateful for this, grateful for that. It’s really actually anchoring into it.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (28:15.291)
That’s all right.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (28:23.238)
Yes.
Nick McGowan (28:43.209)
understanding perspective of it. And even if at some point we do need to have somebody help us and assist us, that will be okay at that point. You will also have that to be able to help you. And that right there is still something to be grateful and thankful for. But it sometimes we get stuck in, I’m just grumbling and upset about whatever. I think there’s a lot of blocks in people, blockages in people.
that hold them from being able to get through those things. And that’s where deep subconscious processing comes into play. It’s not just a faith thing per se. It’s actually doing the work, unblocking yourself and working through the trauma that’s literally stuck in your body and being able to work through those things. Go ahead. Yeah.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (29:25.477)
And I don’t mean to be disrespectful or anything to anyone, but sometimes we put more on ourselves than we should. And even during my very hard times, especially with my parents, and you can sit there all day and say, woe is me and I’m angry about this. But number one, you have to understand, like you said, people are there.
It’s okay to get help. It just may be temporary. It doesn’t mean you’re going to go to a counselor for the rest of your lives. You may just need help to get over that hump. So you have to let go of your pride and you have to be willing to help someone for help. mean, ask someone for help because a lot of people will say, well, I wasn’t raised that way. We were supposed to pull ourselves by our own bootstraps and figure it out, but then you’re going to stay stuck. And so you need to be willing to reach out to others and also understand that
Nick McGowan (30:13.536)
Mm
Dr. Nicole Bradford (30:19.295)
you have control over your situation, even though you may not believe it and you don’t want to think that you do, you have control. You can sit there and cry all day, every day and get nothing accomplished. Or you can cry and then say, you know, I’m going to cut it off and I’m going to get up and I’m going to do something about it. So I’m even going to try to reach out to a friend or my marriage may be falling apart right now, but I’m going to accept my role in that situation. And then I’m
going to do something about it. There’s a method my sister before me, Felicia, she’s deceased now. Whenever I had problems, she would say, Nicole, I want you to go in a restroom. I want you to write on a piece of toilet paper everything that you’re angry about, whatever you’re frustrated about. I want you to review it. I want you to reflect upon it. But most importantly, I want you to understand your role in that situation and figure out what you can learn from it. Then I want you to ball it up.
and I want you to flush it. It’s facing life’s uncomfortable situation so you can heal. If you’re not willing to face it head on and deal with it and do the hard work, you’re going to keep yourself in a position where you cannot heal and you cannot move forward. So if it’s an unhealthy relationship, that other person has gone on. If it’s a broken friendship, that other person has gone on. Even if it’s for me losing both of my parents and I look around and I’m like,
I got cheated out of that. My older siblings had all this time with them and I’m the youngest and there are people that still have parents at 78 and 80 years old, but I’m not gonna be able to heal and move forward and remember the memories and be stronger because it happened if I choose to stay stuck in that situation and not move forward and heal.
Nick McGowan (32:11.91)
Yeah, absolutely. It’s a choice at that point. And there’s, it can be hard to see it as a choice. It can also be kind of inspiring and motivating to go, yeah, I have that choice and to be able to do something with it. It’s not easy. And sometimes it’s easier than what we think it can be. And I know it’s a bit ambiguous to say it like that, but sometimes we think like, it might be really difficult to get up and get out and go do this thing. But sometimes once you’re just up and out and you’re doing the thing, it’s like,
isn’t actually that bad and it’s better that way. So along that line, what sort of advice would you give to somebody that’s on their path towards self -mastery?
Dr. Nicole Bradford (32:51.493)
I would just tell them to number one, stand in your truth and be willing to love on yourself, get to know yourself and give yourself some grace because it’s not going to be easy. It’s not going to happen overnight. Here I am growing up in a dysfunctional household, being called different things, seeing myself in a different manner. I’m glad that my parents were able to grow and learn and of course, towards the latter part of their lives, I heard I love you and all of those things, but you have to be willing to put
in the work for yourself and you have to make yourself a priority. No one’s more important than you are and if you’re still here you have a purpose and you have potential but you have to have the passion to make it happen. So each day as hard as it is there are days I didn’t want to get out of bed. There are days I was so angry that this even happened and then I would blame myself. It’s my fault they’re still not here because I had to put them in hospice and I felt guilty about those things.
but there is a process in life and if I stayed in that bed I wouldn’t have the strength to encourage other people and to know that it can happen not only for me but for someone else. So believe in yourself, hold on to your faith and just take it moment by moment, not day by day, moment by moment knowing that you will come out on the other side.
Nick McGowan (34:13.703)
Yeah, that’s great. It’s like looking at it at a macro level and being able to take it step by step. I really appreciate you being on today. Thank you for sharing all the words of wisdom and the background and stuff that you’ve gone through. Before I let you go, where can people find you and where can they connect with you?
Dr. Nicole Bradford (34:16.933)
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (34:29.947)
Well, I have a website. It’s www .maintaintheflame, all one word, dot net. And there they can learn more about me, my speaking, my books, and we can connect.
Nick McGowan (34:45.042)
Again, thank you so much for being on today. It’s been a pleasure.
Dr. Nicole Bradford (34:48.359)
Thank you for having me, I enjoyed it.
https://youtu.be/_FAyKZ1_u8s