Things escalate quickly.

Amber kicks things off with a dive into bizarre foreign idioms—some charming, some questionable, all extremely Amber. We talk baby ducks as projectiles, Mortal Kombat’s secret double beastiality ending, and why Tom is officially a monster. Also: thigh titties. You had to be there.

Mike takes us on a nostalgic rampage through the strange artifacts of Gen-X childhood. We call Australia from an Amish payphone, confront the disturbing anatomy of Cap’n Crunch, and redefine the View-Master experience for the digital age. Spoiler: it’s now the View-Masturbator.

Tom unveils his latest body-hacking technique: Gamma Wave Therapy. Think meditation meets gamma radiation meets vaguely illegal science. Side effects include: involuntary drive-by shaving, increased horniness, and launching footballs vaginally with kegel force. Also, he eats Pokémon now. No further questions.

To close things out, Amber gives us a quiz to determine our ideal summer hobby—by designing a zoo. Tom outsources his art project entirely, Mike’s zoo may violate ethics laws, and Amber’s still the only one taking this seriously.

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