Marriage and family therapist, licensed psychotherapist, and author Susan Stiffelman talks about her book Parenting Without Power Struggles and shares strategies for staying calm in the midst of conflict with our children.
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TPP 180: Susan Stiffelman on Parenting Without Power Struggles

TiLT Parenting, from parenting activist, speaker, and author Debbie Reber, features transformational interviews and conversations with authors, parenting experts, educators, and other parents aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising differently-wired kids (giftedness, ADHD, austim, 2e, learning differences, sensory processing issues, anxiety, and more). TiLT aims to help parents feel empowered and in choice in how they parent, have more peace in their daily lives, and parent and advocate for their child from a place of confidence and awareness so that our children can thrive in every way. https:/tiltparenting.com

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I’ve been a longtime fan of Kim and Penn Holderness, who I’ve had a parasocial relationship with for years as I love to consume and share their funny music videos, vlogs, and skits. And in more recent years, it’s exciting to see them talking openly and with humor and authenticity about Penn’s ADHD and how together, Kim and Penn navigate their marriage and raising kids in their mixed neurotype household.
All that say, I loved having a chance to sit down with Kim and Penn to talk about their brand new book, out next week, called ADHD is Awesome: A Guide to (Mostly) Thriving with ADHD, which they wrote because they are on a mission to reboot how we think about ADHD by taking us inside their ADHD world, and all highs, lows, and moments in between. I think what I loved about their book, and this conversation, the most is that Kim and Penn are real and open about how beautiful, and yes, messy, it can be to navigate family life as a person with ADHD or as someone married to an ADHDer. And so in today’s conversation, that’s what we hear about — how Penn has learned to hack himself to manage his ADHD-related challenges, the ways in which ADHD has enriched their family life, how Kim has reframed her thinking and approach to support Penn’s executive function challenges and be an “ADHD whisperer” while also taking care of her own emotional and mental well-being.
After listening to this episode, I highly recommend you go to their Instagram or YouTube and check out their content. Their first book together, Everybody Fights, about how couples can fight better and end your arguments feeling closer, more loved, and better understood, came out in 2021. The book we’re talking about today, ADHD is Awesome, comes out April 30.
 
About Kim and Penn Holderness
Kim and Penn Holderness have been married for sixteen years. For seven of those years, they have chronicled their marriage and their family with funny music videos, vlogs, skits, and a podcast. Their videos have resulted in over a billion views and 4.5 million followers across social media.
Penn and Kim honed their storytelling skills with twenty-five combined years in the TV news business. Today, they own their own company, Holderness Family Productions, where Kim is Chief Executive Officer and Penn is Chief Creative Officer.
As well as creating content for their channels, they also work alongside brands and agencies to shape product launches and marketing campaigns. Their book about improving communication in marriage was released March 30, 2021.
Penn and Kim live in Raleigh, North Carolina, with their children, Lola and Penn Charles, and fluffy dog, Sunny.
 
Things you'll learn from this episode

How Penn navigated being diagnosed with ADHD in college and how that impacted his understanding of self and identity

The power of “operation mindset shift” and reframing ADHD traits as strengths

How Kim came to understand how Penn’s brain wiring impacted his executive functioning

How Penn has “hacked” himself to manage his ADHD symptoms and challenges

The power of empathy, comfort, and connection when navigating a mixed neurotypes relationship

What some of the “upsides” are for friends and family members of people with ADHD

 
Resources mentioned for How ADHD is Awesome in Love & in Life

The Holderness Family


ADHD is Awesome: A Guide to (Mostly) Thriving with ADHD by Kim and Penn Holderness

The Holderness Family Podcast


ADHD is Awesome Book Trailer (YouTube)


Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better At It? by Kim and Penn Holderness

Dr. Ned Hallowell


Dr. Ned Hallowell on How Parents Can Best Support Their Children with ADHD (Tilt Parenting podcast)

Dr. Emily King


Learn with Dr. Emily (podcast)


ADHD 2.0: New Science and Essential Strategies for Thriving with Distraction - from Childhood Through Adulthood by Dr. Ned Hallowell


Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder from Childhood through Adulthood by Dr. Ned Hallowell and Dr. John Ratey


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TPP 374: Penn & Kim Holderness Talk About How ADHD is Awesome in Love & in Life

Tilt Founder Debbie Reber talks about the importance of having a self-care practice, and shares her best strategies for making self-care a regular part of daily life.
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TPP 143a: Tilt Founder Debbie Reber Shares Her Best Self-Care Strategies

Executive function coach Seth Perler joins Debbie to answer a listener question about how to help a neurodivergent student prepare for the increased demands and expectations of middle school.
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TPP 373: Parent Lean-In — How Can I Prepare My Child for the Transition to Middle School?

I’ve done one episode just about self-care for this show — it’s a solocast from five years ago where I shared twelve strategies and ideas for creating a sustainable, doable self-care practice. I’ll have a link to that in the show notes page for this episode.
Today’s episode is about self-care, too, but the focus is on self-care for autistic people, and joining me is return guest Dr. Megan Anna Neff of Neurodivergent Insights. Megan Anna has just published a brand new book called Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask! which she wrote to help autistic people accept themselves, destigmatize autism, find community, and take care of physical and mental health.
I really enjoyed going inside this book because, as we discuss, self-care is so much more than what it appears to be on the surface. Megan Anna considers self-care to be a collective effort that includes the well-being of the community, a framework that really resonated with me. So we talk about that, along with other ideas from Megan Anna’s book, including how internalized ableism can hinder self-care, considerations for navigating self-care for individuals with PDA, and insights into co-regulation, sensory considerations, and how advocacy and accommodations in the workplace can also be forms of self-care.
 
About Dr. Megan Anna Neff
Dr. Megan Anna Neff (she/they) is a neurodivergent Clinical Psychologist and founder of Neurodivergent Insights where she creates education and wellness resources for neurodivergent adults. Additionally, she is co-host of the Divergent Conversations podcast.
As a late-diagnosed AuDHDer (Autistic ADHD), Dr. Neff applies their lived experiences from a cross-neurotype marriage and parenting neurodivergent children to their professional focus. They are committed to broadening the mental health field's understanding of autism and ADHD beyond traditional stereotypes. This personal-professional blend enriches their work and advocacy within neurodiversity.
Dr. Neff is the author of Self-Care for Autistic People and a forthcoming book on Autistic Burnout. Additionally, she has published in several peer-reviewed journals on topics ranging from neurodivergence, place attachment, relational psychoanalysis, social psychology, and integration of spirituality into psychotherapy.
Passionate about distilling complex research into visually accessible formats, she translates research into visual pixels which you can find on her website, Instagram, and digital workbooks. Additionally, Dr. Neff is passionate about community building and creating digital communities by and for neurodivergent individuals.
 
Things you'll learn from this episode

Why self-care should be approached with self-attunement and an understanding of one's own needs

Why self-care is a collective effort that includes the well-being of the community

How internalized ableism can hinder self-care and why it’s important to address it

Ideas for navigating self-care for individuals with PDA regarding autonomy, co-regulation, and sensory considerations

Ways to practice self-care in the workplace, including self-disclosure, documentation, and setting realistic expectations

 
Resources mentioned for Self-Care for Autistic People

Dr. Megan Anna Neff’s website


Self-Care For Autistic People by Dr. Megan Anna Neff

* A special bonus offer for Tilt Parenting community *

Divergent Conversations Podcast

Neurodivergent Insights on Instagram

Neurodivergent Insights on Facebook

Dr. Megan Anna Neff on LinkedIn

Dr. Megan Anna Neff’s Link in Bio


Dr. Megan Anna Neff on Diagnoses and Misdiagnoses (Tilt Parenting Podcast)

Sarah Wayland


Is This Autism? A Guide for Clinicians and Everyone Else by Dr. Donna Henderson and Dr. Sarah Wayland


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TPP 372: Dr. Megan Anna Neff on Self-Care for Autistic People

Marriage and family therapist and author Jeremy Schneider ("Fatherhood in 40-Minute Snapshots") talks about what prevents some dads from being the father they want to be and explains how couples can strengthen their relationship.
Connect with Tilt Parenting


Visit Tilt Parenting

Take the free 7-Day Challenge



Read a chapter of Differently Wired


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TPP 180: Susan Stiffelman on Parenting Without Power Struggles

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