Warm Her Up, Worry About Yourself | Date Your Wife | EP 051

*This is a special encore presentation of a previously published episode of the Date Your Wife podcast.* The White’s juggle children, sandwiches and grocery lists in the opening of today’s podcast, demonstrating yet again that they are keeping things real and raw. Between the flirting, bantering, sexual innuendos, and Danielle revealing what she really thinks about penises, it’s no wonder their’s is the only explicitly rated podcast in the category of Parenting and Family, as they are willing to take topics where others are not. Sit back and enjoy today’s conversation on the topic of Sex. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication   In This Week’s Podcast….SEX Point #1: Lazy Sex Danielle: It’s not like I don’t want to put in the effort, but I don’t always want to put in the effort. On my laziest days I don’t just lay there and do nothing, but there are ways to service your man without getting really into it. Garrett: Does this mean that women are sexually lazy? Servicing your man is important, regardless of what the servicing looks like. A lot of women don’t get this. QUESTION When you have sex, even quickie sex, do you experience connection or is it more like vaginal masturbation? Point #2: Tips For Traveling Garrett: When men are traveling, it doesn’t matter for 2 days or 2 weeks, they experience an increased sexual drive. It happens even if it’s just overnight. There is an increased sexual spike of being gone from their wife in which sexual desire increases. When guys are gone for a bunch of days it is very easy for them to end up in the trap of porn. This is a very big issue for guys. Danielle: If your guy is traveling, I think it’s a good idea to have sex the night before they go. Ladies, just get it done. Little things like that will make your relationship better and when he goes out of town he’s going to be more focused. I learned the hard way. It’s not that big a deal and it’s actually a win-win where we both are getting what we want. QUESTION What happens when you follow this formula? What happens when you don’t? Point #3: Pouty Mode Garrett went into pouty mode for 10 years because he felt so out of control inside of their relationship when it came to sex. He felt that Danielle held all of the cards and that she didn’t give a shit. Danielle: I found that pouty mode super unattractive. As Garrett shifted his energy, it gave me room to breathe. He just stopped asking and didn’t bring so much pouty energy to the table.  That’s when I started changing my story about Quickies and QQP was born. QUESTION What energy is present when pouty mode enters the picture in your relationship? Point #4: Women Are Like Crockpots Garrett: You tell me to warm you up first and then worry about myself. What does that look like? You have guys who don’t worry about their wife at all and worry about their own orgasm, then you have guys who are worried about their wife’s orgasm – there’s even a book called, “She Comes First.” Danielle: I don’t agree with that and I’m going to tell you why from a girl’s perspective. Warm her up first and then worry about yourself. I like to be warmed up, but if I go first, I’m less into you. It’s a song and dance, really. We’re both at the finish line: if I go first and you come right after me, it’s like we cross the finish line together. QUESTION What does your dance look like? Point #5: Hobbies Bring Fulfillment Garrett got to the point where he began relying on his masturbation toy and started drinking more. He went into a place of suppression, where he literally didn’t give a shit. At Danielle’s suggestion, he took up surfing, which has been an exceptionally good fit for him. Danielle: I suggested he take up surfing because I felt it would be something that he would enjoy. He comes back happy and full of this great energy, plus it gives me more space. He has a mistress called surfing and I’m fine with that mistress. QUESTION What hobbies do you both enjoy that add positive energy and breathing space inside of your relationship? Communication Challenge:  Talk about the ways you like being serviced by your spouse – and then go experiment. Date Night Topic: Begin the conversation around this idea of “Warm her up, worry about you.” What does that look like inside of your marriage? Quote of the Week: “When you are both on point together and he goes on a trip, apply the simple strategy of having Date Night and sex the night before you go – whether you’re fighting or angry or not – if you do this, life is going to be better. Your man’s going to go hunt more powerfully, which means that when he’s gone he’s going to be more productive in business; he’s not going to go to porn because he’s going to feel connected to you while he’s gone.” —Garrett J White “If it has been awhile since you have seen him and he comes back into town, just get it out of the way. I used to be standoffish and we would end up getting into fights. My advice is just get it off the table and out of the way. It doesn’t have to be a big show, just do it. He will become like putty in your hands.” —Danielle K White