So, what I’ve noticed is that all of us are insecure. For some of us it’s more obvious than others.   It shows up in life, and it shows up in the bedroom.   I want to talk to you about what men are insecure about around intimacy and I want to talk about what women are insecure about around intimacy.   We have the opportunity to help our spouse feel more secure.   But how do we help our spouse when we ourselves are struggling with fear of judgment, rejection and body image (to name a few)?   Well, I think we need to understand where that fear is coming from.   And that’s what we explore together on today’s show.   Do you feel worthy? Do you treat your spouse like they are worthy? How can you help your spouse not be so insecure... -around sex, -around professional things, -around the ways that they are in the world?   Hint: it’s different for men and women. (To understand more about this framework, and get a free PDF download go to delightyourmarriage.com/framework )   So, on today’s show I want to tell you about what I think will be helpful for you to love your spouse in a way that will make them -take down their guards, -be less perfect (yep perfection is a mask for insecurity) -be more vulnerable, -be more messy & real, -be more kind & loving, -be less awkward, -be more open, and -be more secure.   And you too.

246-We're All Insecure in Intimacy

Husbands and wives were designed to be different. You want different things in marriage and intimacy on every level (emotional, spiritual, and physical). 

Whether you're a wife or a husband, whether you're suffering or pretty good... and you're looking for Bible-based insights and scriptural practical guidance on how to transform your marriage, you've found the right podcast!

We have "transformation stories" that will inspire hope that putting into practice these principles, by God's grace, can truly change your intimacy completely. 

If you're looking to see how to transform your marriage sign up for a free Clarity Call, we can hear your story and work with you to determine if we are confident we can help you: https://www.delightyourmarriage.com/cc

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Have you ever been in a place where a conflict has absolutely consumed you? Whether you're grocery shopping or with friends, that conflict is just circling over and over in your mind. Maybe you find yourself wondering how you even got there in the first place? And even more so, how to get out of that place? Well, author and speaker Donna Jones is here today to talk about just that.  In her new book “Healthy Conflict, Peaceful Life: a Biblical guide to Communicating Thoughts, Feelings, and Opinions with Grace, Truth, and Zero Regret”, Donna walks us through how to handle conflict with love and grace, how to be an Addresser of Conflict, rather than an Avoider or Attacker, how to lead with listening, and so much more.  We were sad to have this episode end because it was such a treasure! We hope this episode blesses you and brings you and your spouse closer together- shoulder to shoulder, against the problem, rather than against each other. We believe God can heal any relationship and He can use you through His wisdom to do just that. Love,  Belah  

427-Healthy Conflict, Peaceful Life: Interview with Donna Jones

Delightyourmarriage.com/accessories Free training to gain insights, Christian how-tos and practical tips as well as specific recommended (non-scary) intimacy accessories. I hope this blesses you!

Intimacy Accessories Free Training

I was confused.  There I was a new bride, having saved myself for marriage...  only to find out that my new husband wanted me to do SINFUL things.  Where did he get all this "inspiration" anyway?  Oh, I knew: sinful places. So, of course, I refused. And of course, it brought mutual anger (covering each of our hurt).  What's your story? If it's even remotely like mine, I needed to change the lens in which I was viewing sex.  I wasn't viewing sex from a biblical standpoint.  I was viewing sex from a sexually perverted lens. (Even though I saved my sex for marriage, I certainly received messages from the world that perverted the purity and unashamedness that is meant to be in the bedroom.) I was thinking about a sinful visual I had, at some point, encountered that I knew was wrong. Instead of recognizing the COMPLETELY different and HOLY context of my marriage, I decided the act was associated with my experience that was not God's will.  Maybe you've gone through something profoundly tragic, if so, my heart goes out to you. And now you're married and there are so many things that feel hard to move towards because of the past. There is hope. Hope for healing and even hope for desire.  Be washed by truth. That's my aim in this conversation. That you will realize that our God is a God of intimacy and freedom in your marriage.  When you wash your mind with the truth of His design within the marriage bed, may you slowly wade (or dive in) into the waters of marital intimacy and find out it's nice and warm (with your spouse :) ) In this conversation, I talk about: 1 - the actual boundaries God gives in the Bible 2 - the clear freedom He gives, biblically speaking and logically reasoned 3 - the difference between masculine and feminine sex 4 - the invitation to align your typical life with the standard of the Bible (which is often overlooked... a frequent contradiction) Love,  Belah PS - If you'd like help with your marriage, we're here and would love to witness God transform it and bring you the freedom and joy you are longing for!  Your next step is a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc   Start the process today and start enjoying your marriage!  PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:  “We were emotionally, intimately, and spiritually disconnected. We lived in the same house, but didn't live together.  I was angry and bitter…” AFTER: “My wife and I are closer than we have ever been! She has a glow. It's crazy how much we love each other.  Life is fun!”

426-Sinful v. Holy Fierce Intimacy

Bethany felt like her marriage was a lost cause.  She knew that she and her husband were called to be together, but after years of serving in church ministry, three kids, and infidelity, Bethany and her husband began questioning their promise of “no divorce” and began considering separation.  She knew she needed help. She was desperate. She searched for a Christian answer and found Delight Your Marriage. After listening to the podcast and the testimonies, she felt unsure because the testimonies felt too hard to believe.  “God couldn’t do that for me, could he?” But she kept listening until she felt God tugging on her heart telling her it was time. Through Delight Your Marriage, Bethany received encouragement, support, wisdom, and a team of people that was in her corner.    She has seen a transformation in her marriage including surprise flowers and a softness in her husband that she had never seen before. (Not to mention weekly dates! Which was never a thing before!)   We are so thankful to be able to share Bethany’s story with you today and know that it is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what God can do in so many marriages.    He is a good, thoughtful, and intentional God.   Blessings,   Belah and team PS - If you'd like help with your marriage, we're here and would love to witness God transform it through the work!  Your next step is a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc As Bethany said, “It truly is a CLARITY call.”  PPS - Here is a quote from a (different) recent graduate:  BEFORE: “Before DYM, there was a lot of tension and stress in our marriage and disconnect. My husband had affairs and these were replayed constantly in my head… I did not trust him and had not forgiven him. Intimacy felt like something I had to do to keep him somewhat happy.” AFTER: “After going through the program, the stress is gone and replaying the affairs in my head is pretty much gone… I told him I have forgiven him and intimacy is something I desire now and enjoy with my husband. We are both so much happier in our marriage!” Your story can be next, schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

425-Infidelity to "Too Good to be True": Bethany's Transformation Story

Maybe you've done something wrong... Maybe there's a deep discomfort that you keep trying to avoid... Maybe you feel if you let yourself be with yourself quietly, the shame will swallow you whole...   The guilt and shame you feel may be justified.   And that is exactly why we need a sacrifice that allows us to live in confidence and freedom, peace and joy in life.   As followers of Jesus, we don't have confidence that "we're good enough" because of some baseless affirmation.  We have a strong foundation of reason as to why we have confidence.   The truth is, on our own... We aren't good enough.  We don't deserve the goodness God gives us every day. And we don't deserve His sacrifice.    But what we are as Jesus followers are receive-ers.  We are trust-ers.  We are people who say THE event that altered the human race 2000 years ago is WHY I can have freedom from shame.    If you have felt like you've been "paying for" the sin you've committed, it's time to receive the payment from God and start walking in your freedom as His son and daughter.   His payment actually means something in your day to day life.    You can never earn your way into being worthy of His love and goodness, peace and freedom. You get to believe and receive it. He is that good and loving and merciful and kind.    I invite you to let the gift of Jesus' sacrifice move you today. Spend time in the story today and this weekend. Remember and receive His sacrifice for every part of your life and heart.   Love,  Belah   PS - We'd love to walk with you in this journey of living free in Christ, connected with your spouse in passion, purpose, playfulness and doing God's will as man or woman of God. We're here for you, find out the details at: delightyourmarriage.com/cc    PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: DW Before: We were planning on how to keep a family together while breaking our family up - We were at the end of ourselves and decided it was time to give up and go our separate ways. DW After: WHERE DO I BEGIN!!! I have grown in patience, perspective, my faith and connection with God, my understanding of my husband, and peace. I have learned how to build my marriage. ​​ Change starts with me - God can only save my marriage if I am humble enough to surrender and let Him start with ME!!!! ​​Belah always pointed us to Jesus NOT to a strategy or an idea or concept. It was directly and purely to JESUS. He was the main focus, and everything else just fell into place. It helped me to re-center everything in my life.

246-We're All Insecure in Intimacy

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