"we're on a roller coaster, i'm nauseous but i don't wanna get off" by aleida m

we're crying in a costco parking lot

fiending for that intimacy we once felt

because every so often we lose it and

then i get depressed when i think you deserve much better

sometimes i think i deserve better too most of the time it feels

like i am already holding all the good that's out there

large and fragile in my arms i hold on for dear life

the woman parked across from us is staring

i wonder if she's ever felt like a failure

on my knees on the stairs that lead up to your father's bedroom

we've unearthed that intimacy and it takes us away

as usual so easily in the dark of the oakland warehouse

the delight of the freedom to touch taste tie

no time to worry about whether

my roommates will hear us laughing when the cheap ikea

bed gives up and we keep fucking on the debris

sometimes i'm so ashamed at the pleasure

of the way you fill me in these moments

on the stairs in my mouth in my hands

i wonder if we could really feel things all that differently

the car seats are reclined as far as they can go

we're here again face to face with each other

trying hard not to look away because we're not ready

to be face to face with the end

honey let's take the sobbing upstairs

and it becomes a perfectly choreographed waltz with

your head gently falling onto my heavy chest while hands wrap hands

when we make contact the weight is lifted and you fall asleep as quick as always

i hate that i can't help but stare your at-peace tender face

moving in perfect synchronicity with the rhythm of my unsteady

breath as it ruffles your hair

i fall asleep with lips and tears in your hair

i wonder if anything lasts for ever

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