When Parenting Strategies Collide | Date Your Wife | EP 090

It’s no secret that the Date Your Wife Podcast doubles as a weekly therapy session for married co-hosts, Danielle K and Garret J White. This week during their candid conversation about the topic of parenting, fireworks are ignited as they each take a strong stance for their differing parenting tactics and strategies. *Episode Repeat from July 2018*     Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month:     Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication     In This Week’s Podcast…. PARENTING     Point #1: Monster Mom, Monster Child     Garrett spent this past week in Costa Rica on a surfing vacation, and Danielle and the girls flew to Utah to be with her parents for a few days. That first night deep in the jungle of Costa Rica, Garrett received a frantic and emotional text call from Baily, their eleven-year-old daughter, who was screaming and freaking out about her smashed cell phone. That night, he realized that at the end of the day, he had absolutely no control over what was happening over 3500 miles away in a different country.   Danielle: At the same moment Garrett was having that realization, I was having the realization that there was nothing I could do, either. Bailey had flipped her lid and was totally irrational, to the point where anything I said escalated the situation on both sides. I started out calm, and then I got to the point where monster mom came out. I reminded her that she’s eleven and is not entitled to a phone, and eventually grabbed her phone and threw it. I suddenly realized that monster mom created monster child.   QUESTION     What is your parenting strategy when your kids are behaving irrationally?     Point #2: To Slap or Not to Slap     Garrett: Danielle texted me and asked me what she should have done. I said, slap her, but she said no. “Breaking cell phones is a very expensive habit because every cell phone you break, you inevitably end up getting a new cell phone, and we just end up spending more money. Slap her, it’s free, and a quick slap takes care of it all.”   Danielle: I remember being backhanded by my mom a few times. One time she did it so hard that I flew into the window and got a bloody nose. You want me to slap her, but the repercussions of being a pre-teen and having your mom or dad backhand you across the face cause far more scarring than throwing a cell phone.   QUESTION     What are your thoughts about slapping? Yes or no?     Point #3: Cell Phone Family Plan     Danielle: When Baily doesn’t have her cell phone with her 24/7, she’s more present. She has a tendency to get into her head. She worries about the wrong shit and gets sucked into the vortex. I think there’s a lot of good that comes from Social Media, but there have to be boundaries, and there have to be limitations so there isn’t this sense of entitlement. Tonight when we get home, we’re going to create a cell phone contract with her.   Garrett: I think the contract is a very good idea. I just think you need to be very clear about what you’re going to put on the contract. You better be ready to enforce it, and you better know what the enforcement of the plan is, otherwise it’s just going to be another one of those things that never happen. QUESTION     Cell phones and kids – why or why not?     Point #4: Different Parents, Different Strategies     Garrett: As parents, we have radically different strategies for dealing with our children. I deal with life one way, Danielle deals with life another way. Part of what used to cause a lot of conflict was that we didn’t know how to submit to what the other person was passionate about. For example, Danielle said that Baily told her to her face that she’s a fucking bitch. I would slap her in the mouth.   But Danielle’s opposed to that and thinks it’s super trashy. In my opinion, if our daughter calls Danielle a fucking bitch, she deserves to be slapped in the face. The end. Danielle’s strategy is to ignore and wait until things blow up, then she deals with the chaos from that point on. I like to intercept shit and punch it before it becomes a major issue. This has created a lot of chaos for us as we raise our children because we have totally different strategies.   QUESTION     What are your parenting strategies?     Point #5: Kings, Support Your Queens     Garrett: Gentlemen, yes it’s your job to lead in the house, but at the same time, your wife spends more time with your children. At the end of the day, although I may have opinions about how things should go on at home, she spends the most time with them and they’ve figured out their game. One of the worst things you can do is to fuck up their flow, even when it looks like complete insanity from the outside. Just support it.   There’s a shitload of disrespect in our country with kids in this age group who just don’t give a shit. They talk shit to their parents, to adults, and to teachers. I don’t necessarily have the answers, but here’s what I do know: inside of it at some point – as a man – it’s more important to back your wife in what’s going on than it is for you to be right.   QUESTION     How is this conversation resonating with you and your spouse?     Communication Challenge:      Discuss your parenting strategies in the area of discipline. How can you two come together to create a unified team?     Date Night Topic:      To slap or not to slap: why or why not? How has your upbringing shaped your opinion about it?     Quote of the Week:      “Have the courage to have conversations even when you disagree.” —Garrett J White      “Make sure that whatever the plan is that you back your significant other.” —Danielle K White