October 14, 2025

You Don’t Get Over Grief—You Learn to Live With It”: Michelle Lerner on What We’ve Been Getting Wrong About Healing

26 minutes

If you’ve ever been told to “get over it,” episode 378 will change how you see healing. Author and former lawyer Michelle Lerner shares how grief doesn’t end—it transforms—and how the body carries what words can’t. After a life-altering illness led her to write Ring, she explores complicated grief, isolation, and how true recovery begins not by moving on, but by learning to live with what remains.

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

(00:59) From courtroom to creative healing

(02:07) How Ring turned pain into purpose

(02:37) A parent’s journey through complicated grief

(04:50) When illness and isolation reshape grief

(08:13) The cold landscape of loss

(10:17) The silence no one talks about

(11:30) How grief lives inside the body

(14:31) Why “getting over it” is a myth

(16:06) Rebuilding life with purpose

(18:02) What Jewish mourning gets right

(22:57) Could “grief doulas” change how we heal?

In today’s episode, I’m joined by Michelle Lerner, a writer and former public interest lawyer from New Jersey. After developing a severe case of neurological Lyme disease that ended her legal career, Michelle turned to writing as a way to navigate illness and loss. Her debut novel, Ring, explores complicated grief, isolation, and the power of human connection. She’s also the author of a poetry chapbook and has a memoir forthcoming—each reflecting her deep interest in how the body, mind, and compassion intertwine in healing.

Drawing from her own experiences with illness and profound grief, Michelle shares how writing became both her refuge and mirror. Through the story of a parent mourning their adult child, she examines the loneliness and meaning-seeking that accompany loss. She challenges the cultural expectation to “move on,” instead framing grief as something to live with, not overcome. Michelle also explores how grief lodges in the body and how somatic awareness and community can aid recovery. Inspired by her Jewish mourning traditions and modern therapeutic ideas, she even imagines “grief doulas” to guide others through sorrow—a concept as empathetic as it is transformative.

Connect with Michelle Lerner: