Linda Flanagan says youth sports are out of control. And she should know. Flanagan is a former youth athlete, cross country coach, mother of a young athletes, and the author of Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids' Sports - and Why It Matters. “If your goal is to cultivate a well-adjusted, responsible child who contributes to the family, then limiting T-ball, youth soccer & it’s ilk may be wisest," she says in her book. "Western parenting customs that put the child at the center - usually with the goal of engendering happiness among the young – also fragment families and erode self-sufficiency.” That's quite a different point of view than the traditional "sports teaches kids teamwork and builds character" POV. But while sports can teach teamwork and build character, so do other activities, such as working together as a family. And youth sports in the 21st century often include significant downsides, including massive investments of time and money, over-emphasis on children's achievements, and risk of over-use injuries.In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Linda discuss:How youth sports have changed since you were a childThe high price of youth sportsHow over-emphasis on sport hurts kids, families, and communitiesPractical guidelines for integrating sports and family timeSetting boundariesHealthy sports parenting
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Youth Sports - and Why It Matters, by Linda Flanagan lindaflanaganauthor.com -- Linda's website Coaches Speak About Youth Sports -- ON BOYS episode Sports & Masculinity -- ON BOYS episode Healthy Sports Parenting -- ON BOYS episode Hunt Gather Parent with Michaeleen Ducleff -- ON BOYS episodeNeed help with your boys?Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy 

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Youth Sports Linda Flanagan

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Advocating for boys is one way to help boys and men thrive. At present, there are no governmental commissions working on behalf of boys and men in the United States. Not at the federal level & not at the state level. Even though boys lag behind girls in academic achievement and boys & men experience suicide, murder, drug & alcohol addiction, homelessness, incarceration, & early death at disproportionately high rates. And even though there are multiple commissions dedicated to addressing & advancing the needs of girls and women. Blair Daly, founder of the Washington Initiative for Boys & Men (WIBM) is working to change that. “The male population, I think, can be described as an under-advocated-for population group,” Blair says. “There’s very little organized advocacy.” That’s why he created WIBM, which combines advocacy journalism and grassroots political action to draw attention to the unique needs of boys and men in Washington state. As a result, Washington state may become the first state in the US to establish a Commission on Boys & Men. “Without a focus on the male population, we think a lot is being missed,” Blair says. Advocacy is necessary to focus attention on (& find solutions for) issues that disproportionately harm boys & men. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Blair discuss:Why boys need advocacyChallenges in advocating for boys & menDeveloping and demonstrating diverse support for boysHow to talk about boys’ issuesThe power of local advocacyWhy moms of boys are such great advocates for boysHow to start advocating for boys
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Washington Initiative for Boys & Men 7 Democrats, 7 Republicans Sponsor 2024 Commission on Boys & Men Legislation — article highlighting the diverse support for a WA Commission on Boys & Men Updated one-pager about WA legislation to develop a Commission on Boys & Men What is the Washington Initiative for Boys & Men? Blair Daly Explains — YouTube video Boys Moms as Boy Advocates — ON BOYS episode featuring Gemma Gaudette 50/50 Shared Parenting — ON BOYS episode Real Talk about Fentanyl, Opioids, & Marijuana — ON BOYS episode Talk with Boys Like a PRO (about anything & everything!) — Jen & Janet’s upcoming course (starts May 7, 2024)Sponsor Spotlight: My Life in a BookSponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Sponsor Spotlight: Factor Use code ONBOYS50 for 50% off  

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Advocating for Boys

Gifted & twice-exceptional boys often struggle in school, despite their intelligence & talents. In fact, boys who are gifted or twice-exceptional (which means they are gifted & have a learning disability) are considered “problem kids.” Teachers (and other adults) may make boredom as lack of focus, or assume that poor grades indicate lack of intelligence. For many 2E boys, their learning disabilities overshadow their giftedness; for others, their giftedness hides their learning disabilities, says Deborah (Deb) Gennarelli, a gifted education specialist who is also the author of Twice-Exceptional Boys: A Roadmap to Getting it Right.  Intensity is part of giftedness — a part that frequently presents challenges for gifted & 2E boys. “Intensity is treated different in boys than in girls in this culture,” Deb says. Teachers & parents may punish or try to “fix” boys’ intensity, which typically only creates more problems. Gifted & 2E boys need support to thrive. “We can’t ignore the fact that students that have high intelligence look at things in different ways, behave in different ways, learn in different ways,” Deb says. “With the right support, these boys can go from surviving to thriving.” In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Deb discuss:Myths & misconceptions about gifted & 2E boysSpecial challenges for gifted & 2E boysWhy many smart boys struggle in schoolAdvocating for gifted & 2E boysParenting gifted & 2E boys
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Twice-Exceptional Boys: A Roadmap to Getting it Right, by Deborah Gennarelli, M.Ed. www.deborahgennarelli.com — Deb’s website Twice-Exceptional Boys (w Ramsey Hootman) — ON BOYS episode When Your Kid is the Classroom Problem Child — heartbreaking The Cut article about a 2E boy Twice Exceptional Students — info from the National Association for Gifted Children Twice Exceptional — classic Building Boys post Talk with Boys Like a PRO (about anything & everything!) — Jen & Janet’s upcoming course (starts May 7, 2024)
Sponsor Spotlight: My Life in a BookSponsor Spotlight: Factor Use code ONBOYS50 for 50% off  Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Sponsor Spotlight: HomeThreadsMake your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off. Sponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Jen’s Feb. Armoire haul 


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Gifted & Twice-Exceptional (2E) Boys

Like it or not, fentanyl, other opioids, and marijuana are part of our boys’ world. “It is very easy to get drugs on social media,” says Michelle Leopold, a mother who’s son, Trevor, died after taking a pill he purchase online. Ignoring these uncomfortable fact isn’t helpful. We have to educate ourselves and educate our boys. Here’s why:Marijuana harms young brainsToday’s marijuana and marijuana-based products are far stronger than those of the past. “It’s so important to learn about today’s marijuana,”Michelle says. Although marijuana and THC products are now legal in many states, study after study has shown that these products are not safe for developing brains.Fentanyl killsIn 2019, Trevor, age 18, swallowed a blue pill he thought was oxycodone. It wasn’t. Despite its markings, there was no oxycodone in the pill. The pill Trevor purchased was a counterfeit pill, & it contained fentanyl, a narcotic that’s 100 times more powerful than morphine, 50 times more powerful than heroin—and lethal at just a few grains. Trevor didn’t get high; Trevor died. According to the US. Dept of Justice, over 150 people die every day from overdoses related to synthetic opioids like fentanyl. As many as 7 in 10 counterfeit pills — pills sold online & purported to be oxycodone or other “prescription” meds — may now contain a lethal dose of fentanyl. “People now need to assume that any drug they don’t get from their pharmacist has fentanyl in it,” Michelle says. “The odds are not in your favor.”  “I am going to use Trevor’s story to prevent other parents from losing their children.” — Michelle LeopoldIn this episode, Jen, Janet, & Michelle discuss:How marijuana can affect teens & familiesRecognizing signs of drug useCannabinoid hyperemesis syndromeParenting a child who is using substancesJust Say KNOW vs. Just Say NoWhere teens and young adults are getting drugs & pillsGetting & using naloxone (Narcan)Recognizing & responding to an overdose
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Marijuana to Fentanyl: My Son is More Than a Statistic — post by Michelle www.wearenotalone.community — Michelle’s blog (packed w info!) Addiction Inoculation w Jessica Lahey — ON BOYS episode Troubled Boys (w Kenneth R Rosen) — ON BOYS episode Another View of Wilderness Therapy — ON BOYS episode http://drugfree.org/  and toll-free Helpline (1-855-DRUGFREE / 1-855-378-4373)  TheNewDrugTalk.org SAMHSA National Helpline 1-800-662-4357 (Confidential free help, from public health agencies, to find substance use treatment and information) SongForCharlie.org  https://www.dea.gov/onepill dancesafe.org (Fentanyl Test Strips and Drug Checking Kits) Adding Naloxone to Your First Aid Kit — Decipher Your Health post (NOTE: Jen now has naloxone in her home) shatterproof.org — includes a Narcan training video Al-Anon — support for family & friends of people w alcohol use disorder Nar-Anon — support for family & friends of people who use narcoticsSponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Jen’s Feb. Armoire haul
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Real Talk About Fentanyl, Opioids, & Marijuana

50/50 shared parenting is good for boys & good for parents.  But it’s not yet the norm, despite decades of research demonstrating the value of shared parenting. “It’s one part sexism and one part misunderstanding of the latest social science around what it best for kids,” says Emma Johnson, author of The 50/50 Solution: The Surprising Simple Choice that Makes Moms, Dads, and Kids Happier & Healthier After a Divorce. “”Thankfully, we are barreling toward a better future. No one’s really been able to quantify where or how often 50/50 is happening, but it’s definitely better than when I divorced 15 years ago.”Why 50/50 parenting should be the defaultChildren (and parents) thrive when they have regular, close connection. The exact number of minutes or days children and parents spend together isn’t as important as regular, routine interaction — and that’s what 50/50 shared parenting schedules provide. “Kids then know, intellectually, emotionally, and in their hearts that my mom and dad are both in it to win it. No one’s going to check out, slip out, or move away. No one’s got the upper hand,” Emma says. Shared parenting also gives both parents time to practice parenting and time to focus on work, adult connections, and self-care. And seeing both parents actively involved in parenting and work broadens children’s ideas of work and family. As Emma writes in her book, “An equal 50/50 parenting presumption is the one policy change that could dramatically help tens of millions of children, their families, and communities, without any additional funding.” In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Emma discuss:Benefits of shared parenting for parents & childrenThe role of sexism in parenting – & parenting decisions post-divorceWhy you need to let go of the idea of being the “better” parentParental gatekeepingSharing caregiving and financial responsibilityCo-parenting when your separation or divorce was not amicableSocietal benefits of 50/50 parenting
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:The 50/50 Solution: The Surprising Simple Choice that Makes Moms, Dads, and Kids Happier & Healthier After a Divorce, by Emma Johnson Single Parenting w Wealthy Single Mommy Emma Johnson –– ON BOYS episode Parenting Boys Thru Divorce — ON BOYS episode Is Shared Parenting Best for Boys After Divorce? — BuildingBoys post Moms for Shared Parenting –– an activist organization promoting equally shared parenting Sponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Jen’s Feb. Armoire haul
 Sponsor Spotlight: Winona Menopause care made easy! Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order.   Sponsor Spotlight: HomeThreadsMake your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off.  
 


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50/50 Shared Parenting

Building boys’ resilience can help them thrive, says Marc Hauser.  Even if they’ve experienced a lot of adversity. “Adversity experienced by children is not a rare event, but a relatively common event,” says Marc, author of Vulnerable Minds: The Harms of Childhood Trauma & the Hope of Resilience. Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) may include abuse, violence, neglect, poverty, and loss of a caregiver, and these experiences can negatively affect kids’ development. But although research linking ACEs to behavioral problems and decreased academic achievement has been around for more than two decades, many adults still do not understand that adverse experiences may be at the root of children’s behavioral issues. Boys who act up (or out) at school, at home, or in the community are frequently met with punishment, not understanding. Shifting your mindset from What’s wrong with you? to What happened to you? What’s happening? can be “transformative,” Marc says.The 5 Ts (& How They Impact ACEs)All adverse experiences are not equal. There are 5 Ts that can impact a child’s adverse experiences: Type  – Poverty may impact a child differently than sexual abuse or loss of a caregiver, for instance. Tenure  – How long is the child exposed to the adverse experience? Is it relatively fleeting, or a persistent issue over many months or years? Timing – When, during the child’s development, did they experience an adverse event? Some ACEs are particularly impactful if they occur during specific phases of development. Toxicity  — This describes the severity of the event. Broadly speaking, severe physical abuse is typically more impactful than mild physical abuse. Turbulence – How unpredictable and uncontrollable is the event? 
 In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Marc discuss:Prevalence of ACEsHow exposure to trauma affects parents & their parenting practicesACEs impact on malesThe COVID pandemic’s impact on boysStrategies boys (& others) can use to mitigate the impact of ACEs
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Vulnerable Minds: The Harms of Childhood Trauma & the Hope of Resilience, by Marc Hauser marcdhauser.com — Marc’s website risk-eraser.com “Whole Child, Whole Life” with Stephanie Malia Krauss — ON BOYS episode Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) & Muscle Dysphoria — ON BOYS episodeSponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month.  Jen’s Feb. Armoire haulSponsor Spotlight: Dabble & DollopNatural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order! Sponsor Spotlight: American Blossom LinensGrown, spun, & woven in the USA. Use code ONBOYS to save 20%. Sponsor Spotlight: WinonaMenopause care made easy! Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order.   Sponsor Spotlight: HomeThreadsMake your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off.  


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Youth Sports Linda Flanagan

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