The first time my therapist asked me to picture "little Rachel" on the playground, glasses and all, and offer her the comfort she needed, I thought it sounded so woo-woo. I went along with it, but I was skeptical that imagining my younger self could change anything about how I feel today.

What I didn't know then is that there's real science behind exercises like that one. Our sense of worth is built on our memories, and researchers are finding that when we revisit those memories in the right way, we can actually change how they're stored in the brain.This week's guest is Dr. Marisa G. Franco, psychologist and author of Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment.

She explains that even though low self-esteem can feel permanent, the truth is much more hopeful: self-worth is a skill, and there are simple, research-backed practices that can help you build it at any age.

In this episode, you'll learn:

🧠 Why love and success can actually feel threatening when your self-esteem is low (hint: they don't fit the story you've been telling yourself about who you are)

🧠 The ordinary childhood memory (involving soccer practice pickup) that shaped how Marisa felt every time someone ran late, and what shifted once she revisited it as her adult self

🧠 What Tetris has to do with softening painful memoriesIf you've spent years assuming that the way you feel about yourself is just who you are, I hope this conversation shows you that it can change, one memory and one moment of self-kindness at a time.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Related Episodes:

433: Making Friends as a Mom: Why It's Hard—and How to Do It Anyway // Dr. Marisa G. Franco

386: Raising Securely Attached Kids // Eli Harwood

245: You're Exactly Where You Need to Be // Alison Faulkner

Episode Sponsors:

Tushy: For a limited time, our listeners get 10% off their first bidet order when you go to hellotushy.com and use code 3in30 at checkout.

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Zenni: Go to zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for fifteen percent off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over sixty five dollars.

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***

When I interviewed Shawnee for this episode, I had to chuckle, because one of the things she listed as soul-care was volunteering for her kids' PTO. As an introvert, I think of the PTO as the classic example of something moms finally learn to say no to, so seeing it on her list of things that fill her up was the perfect reminder that there's no single right way to be a good mom.

That's the heart of the Self-Assured Motherhood Program. I'm not here to tell you what kind of mom to be. I'm here to help you figure out who you already are, what you need to thrive, and how to love your people in a way that's truly yours.This week's guest is Shawnee Burt, a SAM alum and mom of four who shares one takeaway from each of the three SAM pillars.

If you've ever felt guilty for loving the parts of motherhood that other moms skip, or for needing time that's just for you, this conversation will give you permission to stop apologizing and start enjoying the mom you are.

In this episode, you'll hear:

💜 The strengths night Shawnee threw for her friends, the "Bosom Beavers," after spending time digging into her own strengths, and why a few tears were shed

💜 The Alice in Wonderland party Shawnee spent weeks preparing for, and why she no longer feels guilty about it (even though her husband is convinced their house will never recover)

💜 The whiteboard calendar in Shawnee's hallway, and why Mom gets her own color on it

Whether you're a mom who goes all out for birthdays or one who'd rather keep things quiet and connected, I hope this episode reminds you that your strengths make you the best mom for your kids.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

🌟 Enrollment for the Self-Assured Motherhood Program closes Tuesday, September 22, at midnight MT! This is the last year I'll teach SAM in its current format. Classes begin October 1st. I hope you'll join me! Enroll at selfassuredmotherhood.com.

Related Episodes:

502: 3 Principles that Carried Me Through a Really Difficult Summer

495: Celebrate Your Strengths // Back-to-School Check-In for Moms #2

436: Embrace the Mom You Are—Not the One You Think You Should Be // Julie Bastedo

Episode Sponsors:

BetterHelp: 3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to betterhelp.com/3in30 to get 10% off your first month of online therapy.

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Zenni: Go to zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for fifteen percent off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over sixty five dollars.

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***

A few years ago, I did something in a moment of anger that I'm still a little embarrassed to talk about. It involved one of my kids, a Saturday chore list, and a TV that did not survive the afternoon.

You may never have broken anything, but I'd guess you know the feeling that comes next, that sick regret of realizing you just showed up as someone other than the mom you want to be. Maybe for you it looks like yelling, or shutting down, or disappearing into your phone when your kids need you. Whatever it looks like, those moments usually aren't random. They're often pointing straight at what matters most to you.

This bonus episode is the replay of my free class, How to Show Up More Like the Mom You Want to Be Every Day (Give or Take a Few!), where I teach Voice Your Values, the first principle in my Self-Assured Motherhood framework. Once you understand your values, your hardest parenting moments start to make sense, and that understanding makes it so much easier to forgive yourself, repair with your kids, and stay calmer next time.

In this episode, you'll learn:

💜 Why I broke a TV on a Saturday afternoon (and what it finally taught me about my triggers)

💜 A simple way to calm yourself in the moment when your kids push your buttons, so you can respond instead of react

💜 How to repair after you crash out in a way that helps your kids understand you, without excusing how you acted

Whether your kids are in diapers or driving, I hope this class helps you meet your hard moments, and yourself, with a lot more compassion.

⏳ Heads up: This replay is only available through Tuesday, September 22nd, and then we'll be taking it down.

✨ Enrollment for Self-Assured Motherhood (SAM) is open through Tuesday, September 22nd at midnight! This program will help you show up as the mom you want to be more often, in this season and every one after it. This is the final year I'll be teaching SAM in this format, and I would love to have you. Learn more and enroll at 3in30podcast.com/sam. Have questions? My team would love to help at [email protected].

A few weeks ago, I wasn't sure I was going to open enrollment for my Self-Assured Motherhood Program this year. Of all the work I do, SAM is where I feel like I'm making the biggest difference, but I honestly didn't know if I had it in me.

My brother-in-law Logan died unexpectedly this summer, at 44 years old, and I spent most of the season at my sister's house doing dishes, walking the dog, and sitting with her in her sadness. I barely worked at all, which was exactly how it needed to be. But when my kids went back to school and I thought about gearing myself up for another enrollment period for SAM, everything in me said no. In the middle of that much loss, it was honestly hard to remember why any of my work even matters.

What changed my mind was a journaling session. As I wrote about my summer, I could see that the SAM principles had been holding me up in my deep grief, and I hadn't noticed it happening while it was happening.

That's what today's episode is about, because these principles aren't only useful in the seasons when you have the energy to become a little more intentional or a little more confident. The longer you practice them, they become what you default to when you're going through really difficult times. Today I'm walking through the first three principles of the SAM framework and how each one showed up for me during an excruciating summer.

In this episode, you'll hear:

💜 What was taped to the wall behind my sister's desk since 2022, and how it ended up in Logan's obituary

💜 The one thing I never did, not once, in a whole month of caring for a grieving family

💜 Why I canceled a signed contract on our house in late July

These experiences are deeply personal to me, but I really do believe they're universal in application, because when you know yourself and honor your needs, you can better love and support your people. That's the whole heart of SAM, and I'd love to spend this year walking through it with a new group of women.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

✨ Enrollment for the Self-Assured Motherhood program is open through Tuesday, September 22nd, and it only opens once a year. Classes start October 1st. All the details are at 3in30podcast.com/sam.

✨ Still deciding? Join me for a free preview class on Tuesday, September 15th or Friday, September 18th at 10:30 a.m. MT. Sign up at 3in30podcast.com/freeclass, and I'll send the replay if you can't make it live.

✨ Logan's full life sketch is on my sister's blog

Related Episodes:

484: In Memory of Logan McKenna: A Conversation with my Beloved Brother-in-Law

448: Join Our Team! A Word from our SAM Sisters

316: Considering the SAM Program? You MUST listen to this.

Episode Sponsors:

BetterHelp: 3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to betterhelp.com/3in30 to get 10% off your first month of online therapy.

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Zenni: Go to zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for fifteen percent off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over sixty five dollars.

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***

The sign-ups have started coming in. Fall sports, piano, dance, school plays – it's a lot. And while we know we want our kids to be involved in things so they can thrive, too often we're left burned out and... not thriving.

It's easy to assume the problem is the number of activities, and that the fix is to cut something. And sometimes it is. But a lot of the time, the schedule isn't actually the thing making us feel resentful or burned out or exhausted, and cutting out activites won't necessarily touch what's really going on.

This week's guest is Meesha Slade, a mom of three busy kids, and she goes underneath the scheduling question, to the question I think we are actually asking, which is, "How do I do this in a way that doesn't cost me myself?"

In this episode, you'll hear:

🚗 The brain dump Meesha did while sitting outside her son's TaeKwonDo class, and what showed up on the page that helped her resentment start to lift

🚗 The two hours Meesha spent stewing in a Scout room, and the boundary she set that night that has held ever since

🚗 Why Meesha's daughter was willing to join the swim team but refused to compete in a single meet for three years, and why Meesha decided to accept it

This episode isn't going to tell you the right number of activities for your family, because there isn't one. Instead, you'll walk away with more confidence to know what's best for your family during this season so that each person in your family can thrive, including you.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

If this episode has you thinking that you'd like to get clearer on what actually matters to you, I'm teaching a free class called How to Show Up More Like the Mom You Want to Be Every Day (Give or Take a Few), offered twice: Tuesday, September 15th and Friday, September 18th, both at 10:30 am MST. In one hour, I'll walk you through the same kind of exercise that helped Meesha see her values on paper. Save your spot at 3in30podcast.com/freeclass.

Related Episodes:

494: Voice Your Values // The Back-to-School Check-In for Moms #1

473: Three Things That Help Me Stay Sane During Busy, Overwhelming Seasons

375: 3 Ways Voicing Your Values will Help Lighten your Mental Load // Rachel Nielson on the Happy Mom Summit

Episode Sponsors:

Quince: Make your summer wardrobe feel easier. Go to Quince.com/3in30 for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.

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***

Consistency has never come easily to me. I'm a scattered creative, I have ADHD, and I have struggled with routines and habits for pretty much my whole life.

For years I assumed that meant something was wrong with me, and I felt like it was my fault that I couldn't stay consistent with anything.

But this week's guest, Monica Packer, has changed how I feel about habit-building.

Monica hosts the podcast About Progress, she recently wrote the book Sticky Habits, and she's one of my best friends in real life. She has spent a decade teaching women to build habits in a way that is compassionate and realistic for busy moms. She gave me a new definition of consistency in this conversation, and it is the first one that has ever made habit-building feel possible for someone like me.

In this episode, you'll learn:

🫶 The research on invisible labor that explains why habit advice written for men keeps failing you

🫶 Why our insistence on doing it perfectly is the very thing keeping us from staying consistent

🫶 What Monica did to make the habit of going to bed at a good time stick, even though she hates it

If you've been feeling the pull to reset all of your routines and create a bunch of new habits this back-to-school season, I hope this episode can help you do so in a way that's supportive and compassionate.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

✨ Sign-ups just opened for a brand new free masterclass I'm teaching: How to Show Up More Like the Mom You Want to Be Every Day (give or take a few 😉). I'll be teaching one tool, not a fancy system or a huge overhaul. I'm teaching it live on Tuesday, September 15th and Friday, September 18th, both at 10:30 a.m. MT. Save your spot here!

✨ Monica's book, Sticky Habits: A Woman's Guide to Reclaim Happiness, Ditch Perfectionism, and Create Habits That Last, comes out September 8th. If you pre-order at stickyhabitsbook.com, then you're invited to the virtual launch party on September 8th, which I am co-hosting. Come join!

Related Episodes:

267: How to Stop Procrastinating in the New Year // Monica Packer

214: Simple Tips to Create New Habits in the New Year // BJ Fogg

269: How to Create a Morning Routine that will Last // Sara Dean

Episode Sponsors:

Quince: Make your summer wardrobe feel easier. Go to Quince.com/3in30 for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.

K12 Powered Schools: See how K12 Powered Schools can help unlock your child's full potential. Enroll online today at K12.com/3in30.

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***

My instinct, when one of my kids is struggling, is to solve it, save them from it, or to worry about it so intensely that the worrying becomes consuming. These instincts are natural because I love my kids so much, and I hate to see them in pain. But they also don't work, at least not very effectively.

Our children need to experience hard things in order to grow, and the most useful thing I can do, as their mom, is to walk beside them, listen to their big emotions, and help them find resources. It doesn't come as instinctually because it's a slower process, but it's what they really need when they're going through something hard.

This is the sixth and final episode in my back-to-school check-in series for moms, six short episodes walking you through the six principles of self-assured motherhood, each one with a concrete way to assess how you're actually doing.

Today's principle is Support Their Struggles, and I picked that verb over solve, or save, or shame, because supporting means being with your child in the hard thing rather than lifting them out of it.

In this episode, you'll hear:

🤍 The list I have moms make in my program that helps them know where to start in supporting their children

🤍 What happened when I first started to suspect one of my kids had ADHD, and how I worked through the overwhelm of getting started

🤍 The green, yellow, and red descriptions for this principle, so you can name where you actually are right now without turning it into one more thing you're failing at

Whatever your child is carrying, you can be a steady presence beside them without picking it up and carrying it yourself, and that steadiness will mean more to them than any solution you could hand over. This is slow work; it's hard work, and it matters so much.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

Take the free self-assured motherhood quiz at 3in30podcast.com/quiz to see how you're doing across all six principles, and you'll get a discount code when enrollment opens on September 14th.

Related Episodes:

420: How to Best Support a Neurodivergent Child // Kim Gameroz

448: Join Our Team! A Word from our SAM Sisters

399: When Your Teen Struggles with Friends // Brooke Romney

Episode Sponsors:

Quince: Make your summer wardrobe feel easier. Go to Quince.com/3in30 for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.

K12 Powered Schools: See how K12 Powered Schools can help unlock your child's full potential. Enroll online today at K12.com/3in30.

Zenni: Go to zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for fifteen percent off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over sixty five dollars.

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***

What you look for, you will find. I have believed that about motherhood for a long time now, long enough that I built a whole journal around the idea, and I have heard from hundreds of mothers who have had the same experience. They weren't finding more good because their children had suddenly changed. They were finding more good because they had started looking for it.

That is the whole heart of today's principle, and I love teaching it because it is such a happy way to parent. It makes you feel like a good mom. It reminds you that your kids are awesome, even on the days they are hard. And it gives you hope that all of this work you are doing is worth it, and that it is working.

This is the fifth episode in my back-to-school check-in series for moms, six short episodes walking you through the six principles of Self-Assured Motherhood, each one with a concrete way to assess how you're actually doing. Today's principle is Gather the Good, and we're talking about it specifically in the context of noticing and calling out the good in our children. When you start naming the good out loud, something lovely begins to happen. Your child starts to believe that story about who they are, and then they start behaving in ways that support it, which gives you more good to notice, which gives them more reason to believe it. It's a beautiful cycle, and it can start with one sentence said within earshot at the dinner table.

In this episode, you'll hear:

✨ The two sentences I say out loud about my kids when I know they can hear me, and why I'm not doing it to get them to behave

✨ Why the child who is hardest to praise is usually the one who needs it most, and what to do when that's the season you're in

✨ The green, yellow, and red descriptions for this principle, so you can figure out where you actually are right now, before the school year gets loud

There is so much good happening in your home already, and I hope this is the school year you get to spend more of your energy finding it.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

✨ Want to know how you're really doing across all six principles of self-assured motherhood? Take my free quiz. You'll get a clear picture of where you're thriving and where you could use some support, and you'll be added to the info list for my Self-Assured Motherhood program, which opens for enrollment on September 14th with a special discount for quiz-takers.

✨ If you're looking for a concrete daily practice for this principle, the Flecks of Gold Journal is the perfect tool to help.

Related Episodes:

447: What Parents in Disney Movies Got Wrong

304: Motherhood is hard. This helps.

158: Creating Golden Moments with Teenagers // Saren Eyre Loosli of Power of Families

Episode Sponsors:

Quince: Make your summer wardrobe feel easier. Go to Quince.com/3in30 for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.

K12 Powered Schools: See how K12 Powered Schools can help unlock your child's full potential. Enroll online today at K12.com/3in30.

Zenni: Go to zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for fifteen percent off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over sixty five dollars.

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***

I have a confession. Of the six principles I teach in Self-Assured Motherhood, soul-care is the one where I'm still not where I want to be. I've taken good care of my mind and my spirit over the years, but when work gets busy, the first things to go are exercise, sleep, and eating well, and I'm starting to feel the cost of that in my body as I get older.

I say soul-care rather than self-care on purpose. Self-care has gotten a bad rap over the last few years, and I understand why. It has come to sound like bubble baths and expensive skin care, which can be an overwhelming (and not always helpful) thing to hand a woman who is truly worn out and struggling. A soul is body, mind, and spirit together, and caring for all three is a much bigger and more useful thing to talk about.

This is day four of the Back-to-School Check-In for Moms, a six-part series walking through each principle of the Self-Assured Motherhood framework, one short episode at a time. Caring for your soul can be bubble baths, but it can also be eating regular meals, and scheduling your mammogram. It can be learning something interesting, and it can be making sure to schedule a much needed nap. Soul-care is how we make sure we have the energy and bandwidth we need to take care of those we love and thrive in our lives.

In this episode you'll hear:

🤍 The story of 33 men trapped underground for 69 days, and the warning the mountain had been giving for months before anyone stopped to listen

🤍 A question one of my SAM students asks about childcare that will change the way the phrase "self-care" sounds to you

🤍 The green, yellow, red assessment for this principle, and the color I had to give myself

If something in you has been asking for attention for a while now, I hope this short episode will give you permission to listen. You deserve to be taken care of, just like everyone else in your life.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

Take the free Self-Assured Motherhood quiz at 3in30podcast.com/quiz to see how you're doing across all six principles. Quiz-takers get a discount when enrollment opens on September 14th.

Related Episodes:

438: How Soul-Care Can Help You Enjoy Motherhood More: Real Stories from Moms Like You // SAM Sisters

441: The 4 Types of Self-Care Every Mom Needs // Mia Hemstad

320: Making Space for Self-Care: It Might Not Be As Hard As You Think // Dr. Nicole Sparks

Episode Sponsors:

AirDoctor: Head to AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code 3IN30 to get $250 off select AirDoctor air purifiers, including the 3500, 4000, and 5500 models.

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K12 Powered Schools: See how K12 Powered Schools can help unlock your child's full potential. Enroll online today at K12.com/3in30.

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***

After years and years of therapy, I have gotten pretty good at setting boundaries with almost everyone in my life. My weakest area, by far, is my own children. I'm a softie, and it is very difficult for me to let my kids be unhappy and not immediately try to resolve it.

That instinct comes from something real, because connection with my children is one of my true strengths and I lean into it on purpose, but it can tip over into permissiveness pretty easily. And since I work from home, the line between when I'm mom and when I'm working has stayed blurry for years, which means I have been frustrated with my kids for interrupting me when I was never clear or consistent with them in the first place about when they could and could not come in.

This is the third episode in my back-to-school check-in series for moms, six short episodes walking you through the six principles of self-assured motherhood, each one with a concrete way to assess how you're actually doing.

Today's principle is Balance Your Boundaries, and because boundaries have become such a buzzword, I want to take us back to a simple definition of what they are and what they are not. Boundaries are what you will do to honor your needs, not what you expect other people to do. Which means the whole thing gets a lot simpler, because it stops depending on anyone else cooperating.

In this episode, you'll hear:

💜 A recording I made by accident that I decided to play for you, even though it is not my finest moment as a mom

💜 The image a counselor gave me years ago that I come back to every single time I feel guilty about holding a limit

💜 The sign I'm putting on my office door to help me, and what I'll do the first time on of my kids ignores it

Being unboundaried can feel like the loving choice, but it so rarely is. I hope this school year is the one where your boundaries start to feel like an act of love, because that is exactly what they are.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

Want to know how you're really doing across all six principles of self-assured motherhood? Take the free interactive quiz at 3in30podcast.com/quiz. You'll get a clear picture of where you're thriving and where you could use more support, and you'll be added to the info list for my Self-Assured Motherhood program, which opens for enrollment on September 14th with a special discount for quiz-takers.

Related Episodes:

445: How to Set Boundaries without Damaging Relationships // Rachel on Happy Mom Summit

437: Boundaries and Emotional Resilience in Motherhood // Dr. Jen Riday

251: How to Set Boundaries with your Children // Stacey Collins

Episode Sponsors:

Quince: Make your summer wardrobe feel easier. Go to Quince.com/3in30 for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.

K12 Powered Schools: See how K12 Powered Schools can help unlock your child's full potential. Enroll online today at K12.com/3in30.

Zenni: Go to zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for fifteen percent off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over sixty five dollars.

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***