On today's episode we talked about a very core injury to the self--being raised by a narcissistic mother or caregiver.   According to the natural flow of things, the child, not the mother should come first.  When this order is disrupted, the child becomes the adult in the relationship, and the child's needs are not met.  Narcissistic mothers try to divert the discussion away from you to talk about herself, or "top" her feelings with yours.  They lack compassion and empathy and in general know to demean, devalue and destroy.  In essence, they leave you feeling very "little" and unimportant.   Today we Shrunk the Tune: "You're So Vain," by Carly Simon.

Defying Gravity by Breaking Free from Narcissistic Mothers

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Today we had the pleasure of having Richard Branigan, founder of the organization Kids for Kids, www.KFKDanceForLife.org on our show.  It is remarkable how inspiring and powerful children are when they give back to the community.  With the support of Richard's organization children perform through the medium of dance to raise money for needy children and families.  Speaking of Healing Human Disconnect! Usually it's the parents who are the role models for their children.  But sometimes children can be OUR role model. Take example from these talented, wonderful children that light up when they dance their way to giving back.  People who have benefited are needy children with Cerebral Palsy, for example.  When tragedy struck at the Sandy Hook school, Richard's organization gave back by building a playground for the children and acknowledging those that died in the tragic shooting. Healing Human Disconnect can only happen when people like Richard go outside their own needs and become a stand for the communities.  THANK YOU Richard for the work you are doing, and let us know what Dr. Judy and Walt can do to bring support and mental health via the Be The Cause MIND MAP System to those in need. For those of you so inclined, you can find his organization on line and donate to his cause. Today we Shrunk the Tune: "Children Of The Universe," by Molly Smitten-Downes

Kids for Kids, Richard Branigan

What is holding you back from manifesting your New Year's resolutions?   Many of our resolutions have to do with STOPPING or "curbing" unhealthy defense mechanisms that fill the "hole in the soul," that emotional emptiness that resulted from the original CAUSE:  Mother-Infant disconnect.  When we pull the plug on unhealthy defenses like smoking, drinking, overeating, gambling, etc., we need to fill them with healthy defenses that create a more sustainable lifestyle.   Without addressing the emotional pain behind the need to fill the "hole in the soul," we end up with creating behavioral changes that are temporary.  Whatever we emotionally REPRESS can create the symptoms that we experience as our "bad habits."  It takes clearing out the emotional pain AND creating sustainable healthy substitutes AND creating consistency of repeated behaviors (it takes about a month of consistency to create a new habit) to make those resolutions a part of your lifestyle.     Healthy defense mechanisms include choosing better foods, meditating, exercise and good sleeping habits for example to balance mind body and soul.     Today we SHRUNK THE TUNE: "This Is The New Year" by A Great Big World

How to Sustain your New Year Resolutions

With all good intentions, most new year's resolutions fail miserably.  Why?  Because they are not sustainable!  If you go to the gym in early January, you will see many people enthusiastically crowding the premises.  By mid to end of January, the gym population "thins out."    This is because we set the bar too high and expect too much of ourselves.  Habits take time to form.  It takes about a month of doing something on a regular basis to form a habit.   By taking baby steps--just putting our gym shoes on and going for a little walk, we can build sustainable routines that are DO-ABLE.  A little less is sometimes better than a lot more that won't sustain over time.  And remember, don't "SHOULD" on yourself.   Pushing yourself and forcing yourself with what you SHOULD do won't work. Try compassion and self love instead. Go to our website www.DrJudyWTF and take a look at Panel 3 of the Mind Map and you will see that unless we build sustainable bonds based on realistic goals, we will break down into CHAOS and abort our best attempts.   This new month set your intention or consciousness to "sustainable" and take the baby steps needed to build a solid new year.   Today we Shrunk the Tune:  This Is The New Year"  by A Great Big World  (and was even sung on TV by the TV show Glee)

SETTING OUR INTENTIONS FOR THE NEW YEAR

When we give, we get.  We get the joy of connecting with others and making a difference.  Those who give and volunteer their time are healthier, happier, and live longer.  The most valuable gift we can give another is our time and attention, so don't feel like giving has to mean spending money! Hugs are free and lower blood pressure, heartbeat, and overall make us feel safe and less stressed.  Just as Attachment Theory suggests, we need containment and we are wired to connect.  No different than when we were infants, we still need all the emotional "ingredients" we needed then--touch, eye contact, consistency, and a sense of being attuned to.   This season go out of your way to be a giver and get that you make a significant difference to someone's life.   Today we Shrunk That Tune, "The Little Drummer Boy"  by Bing Crosby and David Bowie.

The Gift of Giving

Holidays are supposed to be the "happiest time of the year" yet some people find themselves depressed, anxious and lonelier than ever.  Holidays can highlight what is lacking within and lacking in relationships, so it behooves us to plan ahead and become proactive in beating the "holiday blues."   1.  Plan ahead  Take good care of yourself. Even though it is time to GIVE to others, don't forget to GIVE to yourself.   2.  Avoid family conflict  The conflicts aren't going away any time soon, so you might as well avoid entering into emotionally heated discussions. If you must talk about delicate issues, use my PEACEFUL HEALING DIALOGUE (available at www.DrjJdyWTF.com under Forms)               If you know there are going to be conflicts, prepare a neutral response, such as,             "Let's talk about that another time," or, "I can see how you would feel that way.    3.  Give up on being perfect  Don't bother trying to find the perfect gift. The biggest gift you can give another is YOU:  Your time, your caring, your presence. The happiest people are with their loved ones.   4.  Learn to grieve  If you are mourning a loved one, it's a good time to talk about your feelings or reach out to support groups. Remember to not REPRESS your feelings.  What is REPRESSED is then DEPRESSED and turns into DEPRESSION.  5.  Schedule some sleep  Holiday activities easily can interfere with your sleep schedule. But studies have shown there is a link between sleep loss and depression.  Be extra careful about getting enough sleep.  8 hours are best, and routine is best.   6.  Get help  Don't go it alone.  If you need help, ASK, reach out.  Interconnect (see Panel 7 of my MIND MAP at www.DrjJdyWTF.com)   7.  Work out  Exercise—one of the first activities to get lost in the holiday shuffle—should be placed high on your to-do list. The more stress we are under, the more irritated our mood.   8.  Get Sunlight or Light Exposure  Seasonal affective disorder, or SAD, can be treated by long wal

Defying Gravity by Breaking Free from Narcissistic Mothers

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