CW: Sexual Assault

In this episode, Jen & Tesha are joined by Mel FP, as she shares her story of being sexually assaulted by her boyfriend. Mel describes the confusion, shame, & self-destructive behaviour that followed, as well as both the supportive & unhelpful ways that others responded. She describes her experience with reporting the assault to the police. Mel talks about her path towards healing, learning how to have healthy relationships again, & the importance of women talking about it. From her personal experience, Mel offers her best advice for those healing from a sexual assault, or supporting someone else healing.

Topics Discussed

(0:00) Mel describes the early days of what would become an unhealthy relationship. She details how her boyfriend slowly began to isolate her from her friends & family. Within this relationship, Mel would become the victim of a sexual assault.

(8:00) For Mel, the sexual assault didn’t match with what she had been taught about sexual assault. Some people in her life believed what happened was a sexual assault, while others told her it was not. Mel describes trying to process it, how friends supported her, & how she maintained some contact with him during all the confusion.

(11:31) Mel eventually reported the assault, & details the police reaction & questioning. Mel became self-destructive, distrustful, codependent, & unhappy.

(18:10) Mel describes her life was pushed in a different direction, she can now see that there were good things in that direction. She talks about learning how to be healthy in a relationship again, finding happiness, starting to communicate her feelings, & being supported.

(29:10) Mel discusses how friends & family were shocked & did not always know how to handle it. She describes feeling isolated, invalidated, confused, & ashamed. We touch upon victim blaming, & how people just don't want to talk about it at all.

(36:16) Mel says that time & distance have given her the perspective that this is one facet of her assailant's personality. She explains that he had his own trauma, & that she hopes he was able to get the help he needed. This leads to a discussion about how our trauma doesn't give us permission to treat others poorly.

(38:25) Mel talks about the importance of sharing her story. We talk about wanting to do better for the next generation, that we need to have these discussions to raise awareness.

(44:39) Mel explains that she connected with a sexual assault centre, & then later worked for their hotline. She describes how this became part of her healing journey. She shares her advice for anybody recovering from a sexual assault or supporting a friend after a sexual assault.

Mel's BioMel F.P. is a mother, partner, friend, & lover of life. She believes her journey will be what she makes of it &, so far, she wouldn't change a thing. Mel believes there is a lot of joy that can come from change & is constantly working to, live in the now. She lives happily in Brooklin, Ontario with her partner, two children, & a reasonably well-behaved Australian Shepherd named Islay. You can find Mel on Instagram at @meldfp

For more information

Assaulted women's helpline 1.866.863.0511Helpguide.org: Recovering from rape and sexual assaultTips for talking with survivors of sexual assault

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