You’ve developed a self-awareness of who you are and where you want to go… but now what? Sound familiar? In my 20 years of practice as a Superior Court Mediator, clinician, executive coach, and parent, I’ve noticed one thing above all: No meaningful transformation can happen unless you find and apply the tools and skills that are right for you. See, the thing is, without tools, without a recipe, you might as well flip a coin and hope it works. Or, you’ll get burned out listening to bad advice, and following tips that just aren’t useful in your situation. I’ve been there, and I’ve seen thousands of clients right there as well… My name is Deepa, and Recipes for life is my show where you and I learn the ingredients of high performing, well-adjusted humans, how they get through their own life… all to craft a recipe for life of our own.

Today’s guest is David Donner. David threw me quite a curveball when he sent me his resume… It was almost quite long! You can find the details of David’s credentials in the show notes, but for now, I want to share a few key themes with you and let them simmer… Thirty-eight years as a top-tier family, juvenile, and probate litigation lawyer for some of the most intense cases I’ve ever heard of… Expert in trial and alternative dispute resolutions involving child custody and probate court…. Judge Pro Tempore of the San Francisco Superior Court since 1998… Settlement Master in the Unified Family Court… Frequently Appointed As Special Master/Parenting Coordinator and Minor’s counsel in High-Conflict Cases… I could go on…. Seriously, we’ll link David’s resume in the show notes - it’s worth a read!

So, where did our conversation go, given all of his background expertise? I like to think that we were able to provide just a glimpse into the vast and mostly hidden world of child custody disputes and parent conflicts in - and out of - the court system, and how there is always hope, no matter how difficult the situation.

David shared about how he works with parents to help address their anxieties and in turn, increase their capacities to listen better. He provided tools on how to reduce your reactivity in high-stress situations and stay “human-focused” during the most difficult disputes that you might ever encounter. Above all, David reminds us throughout this conversation that in any dispute or conflict, by definition, there is a “winner” and a “loser”, and for a small child growing up, after that dispute, they’ll be constantly reminded that one of their parents “won”, and the other “lost” - he believes that we can break this cycle by becoming “child-centered” in our disputes… instead of “conflict-centered”. His optimism here is truly a breath of fresh air.

As an added bonus, we also explored what “reality-testing” is, and how you can apply it to your own life and expectations around conflict. This is one of my personal favorites!

Before we jump into the episode, I have one ask, teach what you’ve learned to someone you care about within 48 hours.

Here’s the versatile and creative lawyer in the field of child custody disputes, David Donner.

Learn more at https://deepapulipati.com/