MENTAL HEALTH

The shocking circumstances surrounding the tragic and massively premature death of Caroline Flack has just shaken me to the core. The emotion that has been pouring out of me since that moment when I read about it is so very raw and I think it will take me a while to come to terms with it. Caroline was a human being; a beautiful soul who just wanted to live her life. Yes she was a celebrity and probably had digits in her bank account some of us will only dream of seeing. But, at what cost? When it came down to it, for whatever reason, she took that heart- breaking decision to end her life. Our mental health is so sacred and pivotal to us, because any mental health issue can be life-threatening, as scary as that may sound but that is the absolute truth. There still appears to be a lot of stigma surrounding it and judgemental opinions, particularly from the uneducated and those who have never had it affect them. It actually affects so many of us and we don't realise it, we might not even realise it is happening to us. To be blunt, it is an invisible killer. For some reason some of us struggle to get our heads around the fact that if we can't see something solid, tangible, it doesn't exist. You can see a broken arm, you can see a scan showing something sinister, you can see spluttering and coughing. What goes on inside our heads is never seen by others. Unless we reach out and say, it will always remain the unseen. If we see it then we don't question it. You wouldn't question someone wheezing with Asthma and say, 'What's wrong, there's plenty of air?' You wouldn't tell a person with a broken limb to snap it back into place and get on with things. But we have no issue saying, 'Oh, just snap out of it,' when someone is depressed or anxious. A big bugbear is hearing someone say, 'What have you got to be depressed about? There's worse things happening in the world.' What an awful, inappropriate and ill-judged thing to say. What happens in that person's mind is their world and it's the one they have to live in day after day. Who are we to question who can and can't feel bad? It's not our business. Every person has the right to feel how they want to feel. Plus, these feelings, actions and behaviours can't be stopped, subdued or controlled. Do you really think that someone sets out to have a mental health condition? Do you think that they choose to feel that way? No they don't. Mental health can take the shape of many different things and there are multiple disorders. Here are just some of them:  Anxiety  Depression  Mood disorders, such as Bipolar

 Substance abuse  Eating disorders  Trauma-related disorders, like post-traumatic stress disorder  Personality disorders The spectrums for mental health conditions are so huge and so varied and each person will display differing symptoms. Take Bipolar for instance. If we don't drill down into what it is then we can very easily be swayed by perceptions portrayed in the media and in TV and film. I remember seeing a movie synopsis and it was about a 'psychotic Bipolar person… stalking someone…' Blah, blah. So, basically from that we could assume that all people with Bipolar are psychotic and deranged, obviously. Also, can we please separate the disorder from the person. They are not a Bipolar person but a person with Bipolar – their condition doesn't define them, and they are much more than that. Someone with Depression probably won't look 'sad.' They might be full of life, laughing and joking, high-functioning, seemingly living an enriched life. But, they may well feel empty and numb on the inside. Saying, 'But they don't look depressed,' is so insensitive and damaging if you think about it. Also, we need to stop trivialising it. People can't just snap out of it, they can't just get over their nerves, they can't just stop drinking. Also, telling someone that, 'Everyone has ups and downs,' is a big no-no. Imagine how worthless that person will then feel, knowing that they can't control their ups and downs. The language we use can be so damaging, and we need to be much more mindful. Your words have a powerful impact so choose them wisely and kindly. The phrase, 'The pen is mightier than the sword,' has never been so true and pertinent especially when so many of us feel the need to be validated on social media platforms. The words we use can be wicked and cruel. An awful lot of us are governed by the amount of likes we get, it's how we define and quantify our worth. Comments on social media have been vile directed at people, both high-profile and ordinary people. It's all very well having a mass discussion about being kinder but if we then go onto write a nasty and derogatory comment on someone's status, then we need to make sure our actions aren't damaging and we have to be consistent. Don't wait for the next tragedy to be more positive, encouraging and kind. Flood out the hatred and just be nice for the hell of it. The feel-good factor you get from that will be nothing compared to how it could positively affect the recipient. Be a maker, not a breaker – go out of your way to make someone's day, not break it. Only morons get a kick out of teasing, mocking, being cruel about others online. I knew of a guy who was highly proud of being blocked by celebrities and he would boast and tweet screenshots of the accounts who have blocked him, like gathering trophies. How pathetic. So, what is mental health? It is defined as our cognitive, behavioural, social and emotional wellbeing. If we don't feel mentally well it can have massive repercussions and impact every

aspect of our day-to-day lives. If we don't seek help and support when we need it our mental health will only suffer more which could have long-lasting and devastating consequences. It affects how we act, feel and think. It impacts how we deal with stresses of everyday life and how we make judgements and decisions. It can deteriorate at any given point to anyone, it doesn't discriminate. You might have finally got that super job you've been working your whole life for, you might have just got hitched to the partner of your absolute dreams, you might have six figures in the bank… mental health conditions don't care. They can lurk discreetly like an overwhelming suffocating cloud, enveloping you in utter despair. If we are mentally healthy we can function, we will feel more balanced and be more effective. We will feel in control. It's vital to have that bit of insight. You are the only person who knows what is going on in your mind. You will know if something isn't right and if things get to breaking point. Please don't suffer alone because it is one of the most isolating experiences you can ever have. It might seem small… worrying more, feeling empty, needing to depend on something to get you through the day… but it can build up and take over. Getting help is the first step and a brave one and I'm so proud of you for doing that. You can go and see your GP. If you can't talk about it, write it down. Just write bullet points which describe how you've been thinking, feeling and acting, and pass it to them. No need to say anything. The Samaritans are just one organisation you can turn to at any time. You can call them on 116 123 free of charge, there will always be a voice to talk to and a listening ear. Again, if you don't like talking you can email them at [email protected]. They do have a response time of 24 hours but it might help to get it off your chest and write it down. They respond to calls for help every 6 seconds. The main thing to remember is that, if you are suffering, you are not alone. You matter and people do care. Your life is worth its weight in gold, even if you don't reckon so. You deserve to exist and there will be someone who will help you.