Hey Everybody! I’m fighting a bit of a cold but I think we’re going to get through this. My commitment to you is to publish at least one episode per week and so far I’m on track. This will be the 6th episode in 6 weeks. So let’s do this!

Have you ever had a mentor? Have you ever needed at mentor? Particularly as an adult. Someone you looked up to who you could turn to to help you make decisions or teach you something you were trying to learn? For some people it might be their dad or mom or a teacher or a sports coach.

What is a mentor? Webster's Dictionary defines Mentor as an experienced and trusted adviser. Synonyms - adviser, guide, confidant, confidante, counselor, consultant, therapist.

Thinking back to my college days that was the first time I ever had someone I would call a mentor. His name was Jim and he was my big brother in our Fraternity, Sigma Chi. I joined Sigma Chi back in the early 1980 at Cal State University Long Beach. At the time I really didn’t know anyone at school except my roommate. It was time to meet new people and build some lasting friendships. They had something called Rush Week where you could go from fraternity house to fraternity house to meet the men and get a feeling for each one on campus. Most of the Rush Week Events were parties and there were lots of coeds there as well. At least that’s how I remembered it.

As you go through the week you’re supposed to narrow down your choices on the fraternity you want to join based on whatever criteria you decide but you also hope that the one you want picks you as well. Sigma Chi was always my first choice. Ultimately I received a bid from Sigma Chi and I couldn’t have been happier.

Each pledge class has a trainer who takes you through the process of working as a team, learning about the fraternity and becoming a contributing Active member. Back then there was some physical stress involved but I wouldn’t call the hazing life threatening. Our pledge trainer really looked out for us and our safety. He understood the purpose.

In the beginning each pledge is assigned a Big Brother who coaches him individually through the process based on his, the big brother’s, experience. He’s there to answer questions and make sure you’re making progress to become a contributing member of the fraternity. Jim was my Big Brother and he became a mentor to me and a close friend throughout college and for some time after. I really trusted him which is a huge deal in a mentor / mentee relationship. You may know the saying, “when the student is ready, the teacher appears.” He was the perfect Mentor for me at that time in my life.

For about the last ten years, each time I have been in a position where I needed help and guidance the right person has appeared. I just had to be willing and open to it. But that wasn’t always the case. There was a long period of time from after college until about 10 years ago where I guess I really felt like I didn’t need a mentor. At least I wasn’t actively seeking one out. Which is strange because I knew the value of those relationships.

Have you ever felt that way? Like you had it all figured out? I was going through life, raising our daughters Molly & Riley with my first wife, working and doing the family thing. We were having fun, not a lot of worries during that time. At least that’s what I thought while I was going through it. We were more of a team during many of those early years. But at some point something had begun to change in me. I became less of a team player.

This was the tipping point in my life. I was having the most financial success in my life. I was traveling all the time for business. Life was really good, or so I thought. In retrospect I had really become incredibly selfish and my ego got the best of me. I sometimes joke that “I’m not much but I’m all I think about” but it's true! I started to believe that my success was because of me and I was responsible.

Around 2008 - 2009 when the housing market crashed. The ripple effect throughout the economy was dramatic. Many experts called it a recession. No matter what you called it, It was definitely a crisis. My business dropped about 40% over night and I panicked. I didn’t handle it well at all. I didn’t have anyone to turn to and I began to make a series of horrible decisions. Everything I tried failed. I was financially ruined and I did real damage to my family and those closest to me.

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With my track record of lack of success I needed to try something different. What I was doing clearly wasn’t working. I needed to find people who could be my experienced and trusted advisors. This was a humbling experience, I had to be willing to ask for help. I had learned that at this point in my life someone like me really shouldn’t make any major decisions unless I bounce it off of one of my mentors and especially my new wife Shannon who helped me so much. She practically saved my life. I had to be willing to take action based on their direction.

At this point I hard really hit rock bottom. I was desperate and knew I needed help. Thankfully my first mentor was of the Spiritual kind. His name was Billy and he helped me understand that I really wasn’t in control of anything. That I needed to shift my perception from Mark centered to Other centered. He challenged me to work hard, to accept where I was and to be grateful. He always said “you know buddy, you’re not in charge of the outcome” and somehow that resonated with me. He helped me learn to put my family and other people in my life ahead of me. Even though we don’t live near each other any more we still stay in contact and I can always turn to him for help and guidance.

I have had other Spiritual mentors over the last 10 years like Jim & Ben who I’ve been able to turn to for guidance. I have people who I consider business mentors who were very helpful throughout this last venture I was involved with. I have also found authors and subject matter experts who I respect and consider Mentors even though I don’t have direct access to them. They write books and have podcasts that I have learned so much from. I have also been involved in Mastermind Groups where we meet regularly and the group really becomes a mentor to help work through various challenges. Mastermind groups could be an entire podcast episode. Stay tuned...

Over the last 10 years things haven’t always gone perfectly. I have made decisions even with good counsel and mentors and good intentions that didn’t end so well. At one point after one of these decisions my daughter Molly said to me “You always come to us and say, this is what I’ve decided is best for everyone in the family”. “What makes you think you know better than I do what’s best for me? What’s best for our family?” Ouch! But it was true! I didn’t know and I didn’t ask them what they thought. My wife used to say, at what point were you going to include me in the decision process? And this could be just picking a restaurant!

Recently a business I had been working on with some partners for more than 5 years came to an end. I talked to some of my mentors about it. I had to examine my part in it. Was it something that I wanted to happen more than the partners did? Or was I relying on someone else to create success for me rather than charting my own course?

I can’t go back in time and change any decision I’ve made, actions I’ve taken or the results of those decisions and actions. I can only learn from the experience and move forward. I can and also turn to my mentors to help me learn from the experience. I have also learned that I’m never to old or experienced to benefit from working with a mentor. Someone will always know more than I do and can help me in the direction of my life. It may sound like most of these examples had difficult outcomes, but that’s where the growth comes from. There have been plenty of positive results from working with the mentors in my life.

What about you? Do you have a mentor or mentors you can turn to? What kind of value have you received from your mentors? Have they changed over time? Where did you find them?

If this episode has you thinking that you could benefit from having a mentor. Here are some areas where mentors can be found:

• Spiritual or Church advisors
• Business Mentors
• Health & Wellness Coaches
• Life coaches
• Psychologists
• Authors
• Motivational Speakers
• Podcasters

Am I leaving anything out? Who would you add to the list? I’d be really interested in your experience. Feel free to send me an email at [email protected] and let me know.

Thanks again for joining me on Aging Is Optional Radio. I hope you found some value in this episode. That’s really my goal. You can find the podcast on iTunes and I’d really appreciate it if you would subscribe and give it a rating and I love receiving comments!

You can also find it in the Google Play Store, on TuneIn Radio, on Stitcher, PocketCasts, CastBox and Pippa. And I’ll be adding more channels in the future including YouTube. If you like what you hear please be sure to share the podcast with your friends and on social media.  You can also reach me directly at [email protected] if you have any questions or want to suggest any topics.

Until next time, Thanks, everybody!

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