«Warning» You’re about to scroll into the story behind the recipe, hopefully it’ll be more interesting, but no promises. Okay you’ve been warned, read on. «Warning»

The first. Nothing ever feels quite like it.

I love to write and I love to talk. But combine those things with procrastination/perfectionist tendencies…and you get a podcast I’ve been mulling over for a year.

It’s a bit self absorbed. To think that the first time you create something it’s worth micro-managing. I think that’s just a mixture of care & fear. We are so skilled at avoiding discomfort and afraid of feeling disappointment that something might not turn out how we wish…and we’ll string elaborate lies and negotiations about why it isn’t ready yet. Why we aren’t ready yet.

Thankfully, this idea got louder than my fear. It started to feel like something a little haunting or like something I needed to purge so I could get it out of my mind.

It’s my wish to provide some mild entertainment and storytelling, mixed with practical advice that I’ve actually tried.

Among the feelings I grappled with in releasing this first episode were:

* total panic: why am I doing this…lol…

* overwhelm: I can’t do this, my vision is grander than my skillset–abort!

* nausea: I’m staying up way too late watching Reaper tutorials on loudness calculations.

* total joy: seeing the design for the podcast cover & being so pleased with it (s/o Justine)

* excitement: listening to bits of recorded content and realizing I get to do something with this finally! Also hearing some audio magic tricks from a great sound editor helping me out (s/o Mihailo)

* acceptance: It’s happening now and I can’t stop it. Time to just share some of the beautiful moments I’ve collected, and have fun with the process.

For the first relevant exercise, I’ll share something dramatic that seems to work in pushing me over the growth edge and trying something scary.

Exercise:

A few years ago I was working on a UX design portfolio and felt so embarrassed by my skill level that I was procrastinating publishing it. It was during the pandemic so there was no rush to apply for work, and that was contributing even more to the perfection/procrastination trap.

I decided to write out & acknowledge every diminishing thought & clap back at myself as if I were my best friend. Examples:

* “Your work is not great– Who cares, do it anyways”

* “you’re too much of a beginner to get an entry level job–Fine, start by volunteering”

Somehow giving these little critical voices a space on the stage to be heard, was all I needed to clear them out of my mind.

I thought the same thing could help when trying to publish a podcast about my personal life. So I wrote out a list of every comment, thought, and person that I could imagine making me feel bad. I gave each one of them their time to share.

I know it sounds negative – but what it did for me, seeing these worries externalized and tangibly written, all of a sudden.. alone on paper, they were not scary at all. Examples:

* “X person sees your post and says, Wow another person with a podcast please no – Lol True, anotha one”

* “X person reads your newsletter and feels embarrassed for you, that you feel the need to do this – Fair, not your slugs not your bucket”

* “X person listens to 30 seconds of the podcast and turns it off, it’s just really bad and not worth the time – That’s the beauty of free will”

Okay. Am I dead yet? No? Damn, okay I guess I have to keep going.

Now if that seems really harsh, then write the opposite list out as well. All the great things you could imagine coming from this. These are my north star:

* the people who you talked to and recorded with, they love you and will be proud of anything you share. Because that’s the whole point.

* your friends and family may not all listen, but they will love and support you no matter what you decide to create. They’re just happy if you’re happy.

* the right people will respect your willingness to try something uncomfortable, and some people may even be inspired to try something new themselves.

* finally, you can make someone feel less alone in feelings and experiences that you’ve shared. The power of social media and online access to content, is exactly that. You get to share your voice, and that voice will meet the right person at the right moment just as your interviews and love notes reached you. Pass it forward.

That’s IT. IF you read this far, bravo, your attention span is beyond average & I hope you enjoyed the listen or read. Let me know, via email, instagram, postcard, I’m all yours.

Much love,

Riley

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rileyroth.substack.com