SHOW NOTES:

I launched The Elephant in the Room podcast last year as a part of my learning journey to be more intentional and purpose driven. For most parts I love it, but as any podcast host will admit, it is hard work. It requires discipline to turn up week after week, and just the sheer number of hours it takes to put an episode together, can sometimes be a drag. However, I chose to do it, because I love it. 

My guest for the 12th episode Lorraine Lewis knows a thing or two about turning up day after day at all hours towards a cause she is committed to. She is the co-founder of The Lewis Foundation an award winning charity, that provides free gifts and support to adults going through cancer treatment in hospitals around the midlands. During the first lockdown last year Lorraine and her husband Lee received a personal thanks from the Prime Minister for their hard work, and were awarded the Points of Light Award.

Lorraine balances her work at the foundation with her work as Criminal Lawyer working for the CPS. She is passionate about changing the world and she is doing it one step at a time. 

In this freewheeling conversation she talks about her journey to setting up the charity; her work at the CPS; her identity, the term ‘BAME’; about finding her purpose and her inspiration amongst other things. 

Subscribe to the show on any of your favourite platforms iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts. 

Listen to the full episode here 

Memorable passages from the conversation:

👉🏾 So I've always known I wanted to be a lawyer, probably far around seven/eight and I think because my parents used to love watching those crime programs on TV, So I was there at home watching it and that's what got me into it. It just seemed really cool. That just fired it into me from the age is definitely what I wanted to do. What I did find is when I would share that like when you had careers advisor talks at school, they would say well, no, you can't do that, pick something else. Basically because you're a woman and you're black, so you're not going to be able to do that. At the time, it really shocked me. And I remember going home and telling my parents and they could not believe it either. They just went into the school and had some words. But more importantly, they told me that don't let anybody tell you, you can't be, or do anything you want to do and go for it. So even though people are telling you not to that you can't get there but you can find a way. And I think that was through my whole time, me having an idea of being, I know I want to be a barrister. All through school when I kept getting told the same thing. If anything it actually drove me. It made me more determined to want to do it. To prove people wrong and prove my teachers wrong, who said I couldn't do it. And it was a challenge actually, because there's nobody in my family who went to Uni before. There was nobody, any of us knew who had anything to do with law. And it was about me taking those steps to put myself out there and contact people and write to people and persuade them to give me work experience, to support me. That enabled me to make that whole progress in my journey to be able to get my quantification in 2007. And I qualified as a barrister and it wasn't easy but I'm glad that I did Imagine if I was one of those people that felt like. I might as well give up, or my parents had turned round to me and said actually that is right you might as well just leave it. It could easily have gone that way. So I think it's really sad when you do hear stories about people getting told they can't do something, based on the colour of their skin and who they are, what their gender is. Because that could be that just one thing that could stop somebody actually fulfilling their dreams. So it was a long process, but that’s what I wanted to do.

👉🏾 My mother-in-law was diagnosed with cancer in 2010. A diagnosis that came completely out of the blue. She was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, so it was a shock. And for us and for myself, it was the first time I'd ever experienced anybody going through cancer before. And obviously you see the adverts and things on TV, but. It doesn't really hit home until you're in that situation to be honest. And going to hospitals, it really shocked me or how hard It was for people, There was people that were having treatment from nine o'clock to five o'clock as if it was a day job.

There was a lot of loneliness, people didn’t have visitors, they were so much boredom and it really made us think that there was some way that we could try and make the situation a little bit better for people. And I think what changed things was that my father-in-law during that period, passed away from a heart attack out of the blue in 2012. And we took over myself and my husband the caring of my mother-in-law. And that's when we realised how much they shielded us, really from what was going on, to protect us. But then we saw the reality of it. Financially, it was so expensive. You've got parking, you can't work, you've got your bills that you still have to pay. They don't stop. And then we really thought about the times when she was alone in hospital on her own, because visiting hours was less, just like four hours a day. 

👉🏾 The first thing that really kind of sparked this idea of doing something to help people is, we used to bring in a TV for my mother-in-law to watch because it costs 10 pounds a day or 35 pounds a week to watch TV in hospital. So it was just too expensive, really just ridiculous. And my father-in-law used to bring in a TV. But obviously after he passed away, then it was our job. When you're lugging it through the streets you don’t look good because when you look like you have stolen something. So that was not right, let's try and get some TVs for the ward in Northampton general hospital. So that was 14 TVs for people in, in rooms on their own because they had to be in isolation. So I decided to do some fundraising. I signed up to do Tough Mudder. I don’t know If you heard of it. So I didn’t know what it was like, but I said to my brother, what can I do to get people to sponsor me. And he goes why don’t you do that. And he didn't tell me what it was. Afterwards I'm filling my sponsor form and everyone was like you're not gonna make it like, this is not your thing. To be fair, obviously I didn’t want to let on it wasn’t my thing. So I was that mindset like, I'm going to prove you wrong. 

👉🏾 Even though I didn’t think I would make it myself. And it was so tough. So it was like literally ridiculous because I did not like to run at that point, didn’t like mud or anything like that. But what kept me going was that I needed to get these TVs like I just needed to help people. So nice enough to get 14 TV and DVD players for the adult cancer ward, which was amazing. And it was just amazing feeling going in, you could see people watching it rather than just like staring at the wall or not doing anything at all. TV because it's a distraction, keeps people connected with the outside world and just helps take your mind of what you're going through. And then after that, that's when the gift giving idea came. When we used to visit my mother-in-law, we used to go to the hospital shop. We used to grab magazines, books, sweets, toiletries, and then we'd just go around, give them out and spend time with people. And we saw how happy it made them. And that's when we decided to set up a charity, not really knowing what we were doing. It just came out of the need to help other people who we could see were in a really difficult position. It was out of that circumstances it was born. If my mother-in-law had not been diagnosed then it would never have happened because we were never in that world.

👉🏾 I think the reason we did it is because we saw that there were charities that were providing that support so people can have a chat and talk to, but we just thought about the fact that what things can cheer people up. And there was nobody going round and actually giving gifts and spending time talking to people and it wasn't necessarily talking about cancer. It was about talking about them, getting to know them, their likes, dislikes, their family and friends. There wasn't anything like that. And we found when we were there that’s what made people smile. And so we don’t know why but we decided to set it up, because we wanted to make people happy and it made us happy in the process as well. Looking back if I am going to be honest we had not clue what we were doing. When we got the charity status, then we were like, we haven't got no money. So we hadn't even thought about it, it was like, yeah, should've thought about it properly. But, It was, we saw a gap.

👉🏾 That was just a complete shock out of the blue overnight and it changed how we operated greatly. I mean, we used to go into the hospitals every week and physically hand out the gifts ourselves to patients and sit and spend time with them. And then visiting restrictions have been put in place. Which still remain in place. so that was really tough. Initially we thought shall we just stop, but then hospitals were like …. But where are you? It was tough because we used to park in our community center in Northampton so between around 30 people would come of all ages and we'd all pack the gifts together. And that had to stop because of social distancing, um, so everybody's packing in their own homes now and we coordinate it. So we get the gift items, put them together, deliver it to the volunteers. They pack them, we collect them and then they deliver to the hospital and the hospital will hand them out to patients for us so that people are still getting the items they need.

👉🏾 Back in March when all the shelves were being stripped of items, and that was really tough because I know people had to felt they needed to buy in bulk, but at the same time they were forgetting, there were people out there that were not in that position to get the items that actually they really, really needed. But what really surprised us was the kindness and generosity of businesses. They would be like we know you guys are genuine. And they were saving things for us so we can continue our work. And we had members of the public who were collecting items and donating and dropping packs off just to people's homes. We all got together and just found a way to still get gifts to people, despite the circumstances that we were in. And now we've adapted now to a new process. I mean, we can't wait until we go back to physically seeing people again in hospital but at least we're safe, still being able to keep going so people can get things to help pass the time during treatment, to help them provide some comfort to give them some support whilst they stayed in hospital. So, it has been a major learning curve because it's just been like adapting on a weekly basis to see what was going to change next. 

👉🏾 Yeah, I think it's brilliant and a lot of people are reaching out to volunteer in whatever way they can, whether it's pack bags or drop off bags to people's homes or fundraise for us virtually. It like we all use that time to come together. Something that we needed to do beforehand, but life was so busy that you didn't really think about it. I loved that whole bringing the community together during that period, it was just so nice that people were actively going out of their way to try and find a need to help others. And we're still seeing it now. So it's clearly had an impact on the way people view helping and supporting those, in their community. I think that’s some good that has come out of a really difficult time.

👉🏾 It is crazy. I'm not going to lie. Sometimes it's really hard. When my mother-in-law was going through treatment and after my father-in-law died, I was working in court. So that was really difficult because court lasted as long as it, as it lasted. So there was no guaranteed finish time. But then an opportunity came up for a job to work for the crown prosecution service in London. So I could prepare the cases for court. But it means I wasn't in the court environment so could have regulate my hours better. I could also be flexible in working from home as well. So that enabled me that balance to be able to do the charity work and do my job. So, I love them both. In the way I prepare for court, I love research and reading. My employers are amazing. They're so supportive. They know what the charity does and they support me in whatever way they can. So I'm really lucky that I work for the employer that is fully aware of what I'm doing, but they haven't put any pressure for me to stop. If anything, they're encouraging and supporting me and getting involved too. 

👉🏾 I think for me, it's resilience. I think my parents instilled within me and my self-belief as well. Like my parents are amazing in that respect and that they always taught me. Don't see any barriers, forget that you're black. Just go out there and do what you need to do. And people will accept you. And even if they don't, then you still continue and find a way around it. And that has served me well, I think throughout my whole life, actually. There were times where I didn't feel I could get any legal job and that desire to keep going, no matter what. And even with the charity, like it's really hard when you set something up and you don't really know what you're doing and people are like, what are you trying to do? Cause I heard that a lot in the early days, like. What was the point of this, what you were trying to achieve? Why are you giving stuff away for free? People didn't get it, but not letting that deter you. So they'll be like, I'm going to still do it anyway until you know that it actually matters. I think that's for me, my big thing is like the resilience and the ability to keep going. And that really shapes me. That's my identity. I think. 

👉🏾 I've been quite lucky actually in that the places that I've worked in have been accepting. I mean, when I worked, I've worked initially in Northamptonshire and that was great. There wasn't many black people, I have to say it wasn't very diverse, but I never felt un-welcomed. What really surprised me that is when I went to CPS in London. I've never seen a place where there are so many different cultures and colours. And it really shocked me and really, it shouldn't shock me to know in this day and age . We should be like yeah that is normal. I was like oh my god what’s going on. It was amazing to see it was people of all levels, admin, lawyers, management, middle management, senior management. And it's so great for a young lawyer because you feel equal and you feel like you can be yourself. And what I loved is, especially during those periods, when there was the black life matters, we were having conversations about how people felt and discussions, which was really important to people. Because for me it was the thing that shocked me because we never really talked about it before. Not even with my own family. We had these conversations for the first time. So to have that forum where you work as well. An outlet to speak was amazing. And also few things like black history month, different talks, different workshops. I think because I've always worked for the civil service, my experience has been really positive because that's what we promote. And especially when I went to London, that's where I was like, wow, this is amazing. I've never seen this before. And I know, I shouldn't say that. 

👉🏾 That's a good question. I don't think it should be like that. I think it should be everybody playing their part, to be honest, to promote equality. And I don't think it should be say just because you're black, you should be pushing it forward. I mean, it could be any colour. I mean, I'm in a mixed relationship, my husband's white. He should be able to be in a forum where he can voice his opinions about equality and diversity as well. We live in such a multicultural society that we all should play our part in speaking and promoting about it. We all know right from wrong as well. So we all know that you can't behave in that way, or you can't say, or do certain things. So I feel it's an equal thing. What I really liked about the black lives matter was that people from all backgrounds were stepping forward to say things are not right, we need to be more equal, we need to revisit our media, we need to revisit, how we promote things, things that nobody talked about before, not openly like that. And when I talk about having those discussions with my parents, I don't know why we haven't had those discussions, you just didn’t. I think it was just you just didn't and it brought it to the forefront in a way that none of us could have ever imagined and forced us to have those conversations. And to be honest, it was really nice chatting to them about it and getting to know about their background and experience, because I don't think I'd ever even asked. It took that one act, which was absolutely awful, to then be that trigger for us to have those essential conversations. It is a shame it had to come out that way, but in a way it is used as a platform to talk about things that we really needed to have done so for a very long time

👉🏾 For me I think the term needs to change. I think it's something that's quite old now and it's like, you can't just say black and ethnic minorities. You're lumping everybody else into a lot, a category. And it's not one category because there's so many different ethnicities and cultures. So I think maybe back then that was felt like it was a comfortable way to do it, but I don't think in this day and age, we should really still be using it because, because it's not accurate. You can't lump everybody into one category when there's so many different types of, cultures out there ethnicities and they should be recognised too and have their voice. It just seems a bit old fashioned, to be honest.

👉🏾 I think networks are brilliant, like. In the last year, I've really taken an active step to get involved in networks and networking. LinkedIn has been amazing. Obviously we're having this conversation now is properly as a result of this. And it's enabled me to connect with so many different people and get to learn about so many people's different experiences. You just never know who you are going to meet when you, when you network. And the benefits it could bring to yourself and to the other person that you, that you encounter. And I think that it's great because as a society, we need to connect with each other, we need to support each other. We need to learn about each other. And that's, what's the brilliant thing about networking. I know for me, when I had started a lot of people, like what you find it scary or what you're going to say to somebody, but you just take it as like...