in my life experience, perfectionism is my main form of self-avoidance. i've avoided putting full effort into my creative projects to protect myself from failure & making mistakes. because i so tightly associate all my creations as extensions of me, i would internalize failure & making mistakes in these areas so damn hard, then see those things as reflections of me too. i've been using perfectionism as a facade to avoid taking the risks of getting completely dirty & failing. however, i think the only way that failure can be completely avoided is if you never try... but if you never try, then you never tried. i've always been excited to try, but i haven't been ready to fail, & without being ready to fail, i will never be truly ready to try. giving as much love, care, energy, time, & intention as i hold into the things i give a fuck about feels colossal & failing would devastate me. everything i put into myself WILL go into my creations (music, art, mixes, podcasts, etc.)... but WHEN? consistency dawg, because it won't be linear & it will be unpredictable, but it will also get easier with time & continuous effort. is that why they say "show up *especially* when it feels hard,"? but it's so deep for me. all of this is deep to me, it really fucking is. as the person i am today, failure to me now looks like not trying. so i'm starting, trying, and i invite you to try to. together, we'll see wtf gets created🔮

topic timestamps:

•0:09 - What's existing right now / intro

•3:30 - Podcast backstory / context

•5:35 Perfectionism topic intro

•6:11 - Perfectionism

•7:10 - Trying, mistakes, standards, & failure

(thinking pause from  9:10-9:45) 

•9:45 - Where do these fears even come from?

•11:06 - I'm not doing this fearlessly, so what did I choose to change?

•16:41 - My current/updated standard for myself

(16:05 - "being open, open! f*ck!" not a topic, just my favorite line of the session)

•19:19 - My new definition of failure & how I'm actively doing things alongside my fears (fear of failure & fear of making mistakes)

•27:36 - My invitation to you

•29:08 - You are allowed to give yourself permission

socials:

Email: [email protected] 💌

YouTube: ⁠Thanks For Digesting!⁠ & Mercury Ulia

Instagram: @juul.ulia

TikTok: @mercuryulia

Bandcamp: bandcamp.com/mercuryulia

Spotify: Mercury Ulia

song of the day: 'amber' by alaska reid