I was subject to an abusive marriage by contrast to the relationship I am in right now – more on this in later posts. Knowing something to be right, you could assume the opposite to be wrong… but that isn’t the case. Black isn’t an opposite to white, forward to backwards, good to bad, or right from wrong.

This is topic for conversation now, as within recent ‘lockdown’ Covid conversations there appears to be a solid and accepted shift where more and more partners are turning their attention to matters of equality, removing the typical Victorian approach despite historically believing their relationship to be fairly liberal and equal.

While in my opinion this has been long overdue and it shouldn’t have taken a global lockdown to identify the lack of true equity/equality, it’s important to remember the difference between “equity” and “equality” and why you should know the difference, before defining what you are aiming for, if you are making some positive changes in your relationship.

Many couples are struggling in their relationships because their attention is focused on making everything equal, which, in turn, leads to scorekeeping, contempt, and other corrosive thought patterns and behaviours.

On first impressions it might seem that both these words mean very much the same and both something that we should be striving for and, in most of our daily language, they are.

However, in terms of what to strive for in our relationships, the two are strikingly different and therefore something worth considering before you opt to focus on just one or label your relationship.

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