You’ve got Tim Curry as a horned demon plotting to murder unicorns, and Tom Cruise as a glittery wood elf. What could go wrong? In this episode of Movie Cruise, John and Marty wade into Legend — a pollen-infused, cottagecore fever dream where Tom Cruise battles goblins and swamp hags in an epic showdown between light and darkness.

We talk about the movie’s ambitious grab-bag of fairy tales, from fairies and elves to unicorns, the ever-present dust, the unnecessary rhyming dialogue, and the Tangerine Dream soundtrack that turns the whole thing into a surreal haze. It’s a tale full of 1980s cocaine and fury, signifying nothing.

Next stop on the cruise: Top Gun