The first nine days of Av are a period of mourning the destruction of the Jerusalem. But how do we mourn for something we cannot relate to? During chodesh Av it is a Mitzvah to lower our happiness, because by sinking back into our hearts, into a more vulnerable state of being we are better able to relate to the feeling of longing, of exile. As we step into the dark night of the soul and confront our sorrows by asking ourselves the big questions about life, we activate a deep spiritual process of developing. It is from here, this place of truth and vulnerability that we can begin to overcome desires, bad thoughts, bad habits and open up more authentically to the light of redemption.