How do you heal, reconcile and accept parts of you that you hold guilt and resentment towards?

One of these lessons that I’ve gotten the opportunity to face in this experience of motherhood has been releasing past feelings of guilt, judgement and disconnectedness with the color of my skin.

This episode was inspired by my amazing husband, who recently did his own episode on his podcast “Having It ALL,” about growing up biracial and his challenges and breakthroughs around his identity. As we talked about our experiences growing up and relationships to race, culture and belonging, he encouraged me to explore more of what was coming up for me as I realized I let my issues around my skin color impact a lot of how I felt about myself for many years.

I held onto what some use the term “white guilt” to describe. For much of my adolescence and young adulthood I remember wishing I could look different, and feeling like I didn’t have a cultural identity. As a staunch people pleaser from a young age, I couldn’t stand the idea that who I was or how I looked offended anyone.

So this episode is a process of sharing and healing for me. Going back to those early years and uncovering how this was created and what I chose to take on energetically to fuel the feelings of guilt. Then how it traveled into dating and choice of romantic partners.

It would bring up questions in me like “What do I say? How do I act? How can I be in alignment with my true self?” And now - how do I create a new paradigm in which I can be a powerful mother to a mixed race daughter? How do I release my “stuff” so that I can support her in feeling comfortable, loved, affirmed in her own skin?

Balanced Mama Moments Album - https://www.sarahbivens.com/balanced-mama-moments

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