In this diet-obsessed world, it’s difficult navigating an eating disorder or maintaining recovery from one. The girls discuss ways to avoid triggering a loved one, some maybe not as much.

In This Episode

In the immortal words of Kelly: Don’t be a deck!

Inspired by the amazing Rise & Resist episode How to be an Ally to Someone with an Eating Disorder, Nichole and Callie wanted to cover the other side of ED support, which is what NOT to do or say. The girls both suffer from various eating disorders and have experienced a lot of unfortunate, and largely unintentional, triggering episodes with friends, family, coworkers, and even random strangers.

Trigger Warning!

We’ll try to be careful with our words today but we will be giving examples of things not to say, which could unintentionally be triggering. If you are in a vulnerable place, this might be an episode to skip.

Preface

Before we jump into it, understand that eating disorders are mental illnesses, no different than addiction, PTSD or depression. They are minimized heavily in our culture, but they are very real and very damaging. We are doing this episode because we see the ways that our culture is essentially built to be one giant non-stop trigger, and we hope that together, we can all start dismantling that. But in order to be successful, we have to start with the premise that eating disorders (EDs) are mental illnesses, and not something more trivial.

We will go so far as to say that a lot of these things are great things to stop doing or saying in general. You don’t know who has an eating disorder out in the world, and a lot of what our culture does as a norm are things that add to the constant pressure. So take note, as we go along, and see if there are ways that you can maybe change the way you interact with the world and other people to start moving the focus towards something safer and more constructive than the physical shit we usually focus on.

DON’T

* With that being said, the first item on our list is don’t say things like “just eat more” or “just stop eating so much.” This may sound obvious, but I’ve had partners say this to me, especially about not eating so much. That’s like telling an alcoholic “stop drinking so miuch and you’ll be fine.” It’s a mental illness, saying dismissive things like this feeds the person’s shame and makes them feel gross and misunderstood.

* Similarly, Don’t make assumptive remarks about eating disorders: Anorexics don’t have strong willpower, they are not vain or attention seeking. Bulimics and over-eaters don’t lack willpower, they are not lazy or just need to eat less. The idea of will power and dieting is generally harmful and should just go away.

* Don’t EVER talk numbers EVER! Weight, calories, measurements, sizes – yours, theirs, anybody’s. PR’s (personal records) can be triggering, too. It’s ok to say you PR’d, but don’t volunteer the numerical deets unless asked.

* Don’t tell someone they look good or look bad after weight gain or loss. Commenting on people’s bodies in general is a no no.

* Don’t encourage extreme diets in them or anyone else. Juice cleanses, fruit fasts, etc. Extreme diets like this will only make the EDs worse. People with eating disorders need to learn balance and to be in tune with their bodies; extreme diets are the opposite of this.

* Don’t put judgement words on foods – “bad” “naughty” “clean” “good.” As Lacy Davis of Super Strength Health says, “Clean is for your underwear, not your food.”

* Similarly, stop with the body talk. Stop saying you feel “bloated” “fat” “disgusting” “gross” or “light” “airy” “clean.”