The Alpha Quorum Show

053: YOGA PANTS - Commitment and Conflict Resolution

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In segment two of a two-part series on healthy relationships, we explore the role of commitment and conflict resolution in healthy relationships.


Questions answered in this episode:

  • What is the role of commitment in good relationships?
  • How do we improve our ability to resolve conflicts in romantic relationships?

    • Other topics discussed:


    HOW DOES THE TYPICAL, UN-EVOLVED DUDE DEAL WITH COMMITMENT

    • Holes in the fence
    • Flirty
    • Lusts after others

      • DEFINE COMMITMENT

      • In the short-term, to the decision that you love this person
      • in the long-term: the decision to maintain that love.
      • These two aspects of the decision/commitment component do not necessarily go together, in that one can decide to love someone without being committed to the love in the long-term, or one can be committed to a relationship without acknowledging that one loves the other person in the relationship.

        • DECIDE TO LOVE THEM

        • They’ve probably changed
        • Decide to be their person, always
        • Me now vs. us always

          • DECIDE TO MAINTAIN IT

          • Do the work
          • Decide to stay
          • Decide to be loyal
          • Know where the pitfalls are

            • BOUNDARIES

            • Stay true
            • Don’t jeopardize it with poor boundaries

              • HOW DOES THE TYPICAL DUDE FIGHT?

              • Gaslighting
              • Avoids
              • Rolls eyes
              • Complains about her crying
              • Attack mode
              • Passive aggression

                • ESTABLISH RULES

                • In UFC, hockey, and even war there are rules

                  • YOU HAVE TO FIGHT

                  • Avoidance of conflict: one of the  greatest predictors of divorce
                  • Conflict IS intimacy
                    • You’ve never had a true friend if you didn’t have some squabbles

                      • MAKE AN APPOINTMENT

                      • Is now a good time?
                      • Take a time out if needed

                        • STATE YOUR OWN FEELINGS WITH EMOTIONAL WORDS

                        • Our emotional vocab is so limited
                        • Know when to express frustration vs. annoyance vs.
                        • I feel __________ when _______ happens
                        • Try not to even say “YOU”

                          • NO YELLING OR NAME CALLING

                          • In court, there is none of this, even though parties HIGHLY disagree.  Why? Respect for the institution!

                            • NO OLD STUFF

                            • Bringing up the past is a weapon used to WIN

                              • APOLOGIES and FORGIVENESS

                              • Apologize when you’re wrong
                              • But don’t demand one if they are
                              • Forgive

                                • Relevant Links:

                                • https://alphaquorum.com/
                                • https://tacomoto.co/
                                • https://bradsingletary.com
                                  • ...more
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