Judas Maccabeus is back on his murder tour, and 1 Maccabees 4 turns him into the ancient Near Eastern John Wick with a Bible plug. The hosts walk through Judas outsmarting “Gorgeous” Gorgias and his chosen cavalry (which obviously implies there’s a sad pile of very unchosen horse guys somewhere), dunk on the propaganda-level casualty reports, and side-eye a story where thousands of enemies die and somehow not a single Israelite stubbed a toe.

Once the bodies hit the floor, the text swerves hard into temple-renovation-core. Judas and crew go from battlefield to HGTV: smashing the “defiled” altar, dragging naughty stones to an “unclean place,” appointing magically blameless priests, and rebuilding everything so God doesn’t get his divine feelings hurt. The hosts crack up over sea-purple fabrics, curtain discourse, and the fact that everyone sobs over broken priest chambers right after slaughtering 5,000 people.

Then comes the big reveal: this is the origin story of Hanukkah—eight days of rededicating the altar, singing, instruments, sacrifices, and absolutely zero dreidels. The hosts connect it to modern Thanksgiving, share how their own family meal split neatly into right-wing table vs. everyone else, shout out a listener’s “indigenous genocide whitewashing day” line, and rant about how believers give God credit for everything good while ignoring human effort, science, and surgeons. They even fantasize about running actual “God studies” to test prayer—spoiler: the data’s not looking heavenly.

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📌 Topics Covered:

• Judas Maccabeus vs. “Gorgeous” Gorgias — ancient war story or divinely sponsored fanfic power fantasy?
• How the rededication of the temple in 1 Maccabees 4 quietly becomes the gritty origin story of Hanukkah
• Chosen cavalry, unchosen cavalry, and why this text reads like a propaganda pamphlet with no Jewish casualties listed
• Priests crying over wrecked chambers right after mass slaughter — peak biblical priorities
• “Defiled stones,” altar drama, and rebuilding God’s barbecue pit from scratch so he won’t be mad anymore
• Thanksgiving, “indigenous genocide whitewashing day,” and how modern holidays echo the same whitewashed triumph narratives
• A rant on prayer “studies,” why giving God the credit erases real human work, and the dream of actual science-based “God research”

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