Recap: Suffering Christ, living as exiles in various difficult circumstances.

Read 1 Peter 3:1–6: Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, [2] when they see your respectful and pure conduct. [3] Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—[4] but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. [5] For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, [6] as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Prayer of Illumination

#1 God’s good design and calling for biblical marriage

#2 God’s good design and care when a believing Wife has an unbelieving husband

#1 God’s good design and calling for biblical marriage (v. 1).

v. 1 likewise, wives[JE1] , be subject to your own husbands …

This is the type of verse where on the phrase “Be subject” we could read a 300-page academic book twist it into a pretzel and say that it says the opposite of what it says.

Though it does turn out ὑποτάσσω translated as be subject, arrange yourself under the leadership of another…means just that.

I do not want to “nuance” the command away (while recognize there is nuance, wisdom, and sinful abuse of any good thing)…Let us lean into the principle. Because it takes place in the context of the entire bible. It is not a sudden and strange statement of Peter. We do not want to do away with the blessing of God’s good design for men, women, and Christian marriages.

Peter and Paul are unique in their extensive understanding of moral agency, the need to address women intelligently, as sisters in Christ, making decisions for themselves about how to live godly lives. SO the fact of 6 verses for wives here and 1 verse for Husbands is not an insult but rather Peter saying hey, I see you (cicero, plato, Aristotle 0 verses to wives, and its more complicated for the wives than the men here. So sorry men you get only 1 verse from Peter not 6 hope you don’t feel excluded.

Two points before we unpack the big picture:

First, notice Peter says to follow the leadership of, Your own husbands, Paul is not saying women should be subject to every man in society. Rather follow the leadership of your husband.

Second, this is Ideally a marriage of two believers, a wife following the leadership of her Christian Husband, but, Peter will unpack for us that very real fact that sometimes, your husband who may be an unbeliever - who is not very happy you are no longer following his gods or lack of religion but Jesus. And he gets embarrassed in front of his guy friends that his wife goes to church, and he gets upset…

But First What is God’s good design for biblical marriage. For husbands who do love the Lord. Paul expands on this scenario of a believing husband in Ephesians 5:22-33.

Ephesians 5:22–33 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. [23] For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. [24] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Exact same command but with some added clarification for the better scenario…There is the reminder that the obedience is not absolute, it is to the Lord. The husband cannot command sin. The unbelieving husband certainly could not command sin just as we saw with any authority relationship in 1 Peter 2.

Verse 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, [26] that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, [27] so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. [28] In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [29] For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, [30] because we are members of his body. [31] “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” [32] This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. [33] However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (ESV)

So we can ground the principles of Marriage in Christ and the Church. A godly husband loves and leads his wife like Christ does the church. He causes her to flourish holy and Whole. Nourished. Cherished.

1 Peter & Ephesians household teaching does not come out of nowhere, both Jesus and Paul cite God’s good creation of Marriage and they recognize Sin really messes up our relationships. So, what was the good design and how does sin harm it?

Genesis 2:18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (ESV)

God forms Eve from Adam’s Side,

“Women were created from the rib of man to be beside him, not from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be trampled by him, but from under his arm to be protected by him, near to his heart to be loved by him.” – Matthew Henry

…Co-dignified image bearers. Just as verse 7 says, they are heirs with you of the grace of life…Jesus in Matthew 19 affirms this dignity of God’s good design for marriage in creation against attempts to cheapen it by his contemporary culture by lamenting men easily and quickly divorcing their wives by citing Creational Standards for marriage. Creation. Nature. As Yet unfallen. What God calls “very good.”

Our Lord Jesus upholds this creational norm. In Matthew 19:4–6 [4] He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, [5] and said, (Citing Gen. 2). ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? [6] So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (ESV)

One man, one woman, in a lifelong union.

Jesus’ words combined with Paul’s consistent teaching expresses God’s abiding plan for marriage and family in creation while thinking about it in a fallen world.

This is a sinful and a fallen world. Jesus had to push back on selfish easy divorces by men ridding themselves of their wives. Paul and Peter both here and in Ephesians must press husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church and to dwell with their wives with understanding.

Jesus, Paul, Peter, and the whole narrative of the bible say God’s design for Marriage is when Men leadhouseholds well, and women follow and support their husbands and families well.

This is not a one-size-fits-all cookie cutter look. But it is a consistent Principle. And a consistent principle will be recognizable across cultures and decades yet not identical.

Further, the whole bible shows the damage that happens when fallen men and women throw off and disorder God’s design for marriage and family. We see it in the lives of men and women throughout the bible. (Such as everytime polygamy or unfaithfulness to the marriage, or lack of leadership blows up in Abraham’s, David’s, Judahs, Solomon face…And we similarly see disorder in our present culture it just takes different forms. (Bullseye – you can miss in any direction but the principle the goal is still the same). Sin is missing the mark the standard.

But Perhaps worse of all is a husband and a wife twisting a scriptural principle to sin against each other in the marriage.

Biblical Principles, Wisdom, and Close community are guards here. To address hypocrisy.

(HW: Re-read all those 5th commandment questions on sins and responsibilities of leaders and following but as marriage advice).

So when we come to Peter and Paul they are not saying new things. They are restating truths they wisely see in God’s good creation and they wisely give warnings for abuses they see in society due to the fall. Because the abuse of a good thing doesn’t make it a bad thing And certainly, the less than two-century-old feminist solution doesn’t solve the abuses. It breaks God’s design for marriage, family, the church, and the posture of society.

The Feminist solution flattens out the roles of men and women and ignores physical differences. It is no solution at all but just rebellion against creation and nature. (2nd-4th wave).

We already saw that leadership responsibility is for husbands…and wives are to live with their husbands as a helpmeet (an honored term used of God as a helper of Israel), The bible celebrates the life giving, beauty, relational care, and cultivation women give a home and marriage.

It’s a beautiful journey when two believers walk shoulder to shoulder towards a common horizon of loving God and loving people and doing it in a clear eyed well-ordered way. This is wonderful in society as well.

Pastor Kevin Deyoung in his book Men and Women in the Church gives a good summary of the broad teaching of the bible on the complementarity of us made in God’s image, male and female with implications that are drawn from texts all through the bible but especially echoes of 1 Peter 3 here. As he Often does he has an ABCDE acronym, that he takes in the EBADC order.

[Please read Kevin Deyoung’s Article and his entire book on this topic. This Review https://heidelblog.net/2022/08/review-kevin-deyoungs-men-and-women-in-the-church/ and This article is the basis of the quotes and insights that follow: https://clearlyreformed.org/how-are-men-and-women-different/]

As men and women we prayerfully ask God how to

First, Having an Eager Posture – to god’s good design, “At its best, biblical manhood and womanhood is about nothing less than the joyful appropriation of all that God meant for us to be in the garden, divinely fitted for working and helping, for protecting and flourishing, for leaving and cleaving, for filling the earth and subduing it. That’s what God saw at the close of the sixth day, and behold, it was very good.”

Second, “Glorify God in your Body. We are “embodied” not brains in vats, we are embodied as male and female. (so beware the way the internet dis-embodies your experience). We need to go touch grass to remember to glorify God in our body).

Third, an eager posture to Confidently embody embracing the Appearance of being a man or woman but in a humble way. This may look different in different times and cultures but it’s not just an arbitrary societal construct.

Fourth, Embracing a god-given demeanor. Scripture generally describes mothers as “gentle, affectionate, sacrificial” and fathers as “full of exhortation, encouragement, and leadership”

Fifth, Character. Scripture suggests that “The crowning characteristic of a woman is true beauty and thecrowning characteristic of the man is true strength.” A beautiful woman is “respectful, pure, and gentle.” Astrong man shows honor, understanding, and caring leadership (MWC 127; 1 Peter 3:1–7).

And it is here that Kevin Deyoung cites – 1 Peter 3:1-7. Showing that the bible recognizes the particularly female or male temptations to sin: men abusing their strength and women abusing their beauty….Or anyone manipulating women to only find their value in beauty or anyone manipulating men to abuse their strength.

Instead, Peter would say (v.2-6) you are beautiful but nurture inward beauty. And (v.7) Men, you are strong but is your strength caring for your wife or harming her?

A True home needs to be structurally strong and made beautiful. It needs soundness and to be filled with warmth.

One interesting element is that as our society rejects God’s good design is more and more commonly we see what normally male sin patterns in women and normally female sin patterns in men are increasingly common.

For a whole lot of this it can be useful to think of a bell-curve – the two over-arching distributions. And the bible easily recognizes that while still eagerly being male and female of course as humans we have overlap. And men and women may have an abundance of traits that even push past each other as men and women. And modern society would attempt to do its best to push these two bell curves to overlap identically. This is a project that will always fail….And some societies like the 1950s may panic and try to entirely pull the two bell curves apart…[1]

Society does best when it calms down a bit. Sees God’s good creation. Sees common humanity and equal dignity with real natural differences and callings as well, and we simply ask God, how can I honor you as a man or a woman, how can I honor God as a husband and wife?

If you are wrestling through with this I would say, to talk to a wise, godly man or woman who loves God’s word to help you in this. I know Anna would love to talk about it. I am available, the books in the back are available.

#2 God’s good design and care when a believing Wife has an unbelieving husband

If some do not obey the word: v. 1-2 again, if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, [2] when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

SO remember Peter’s scenario in the 1st century Roman Galatia or Cappadocia, where a husband is still a pagan who is not very happy you are no longer following his gods but Jesus. And he gets embarrassed in front of his guy friends that his wife goes to church and he gets upset….) This happens all the time today. Countless women who going to church or bringing the kids to church is a battle each week while the Husband stays home to watch TV or Fish…The Church ought to comfort and support such sisters in Christ.

But How would Peter have this wife win her husband to Christ? Especially in a society where he and all his friends and influential people are embarrassed she has become religious.

How should she win him? By showing that Following Jesus has made her a more loving, more respectful and supportive and caring wife towards him, the kids, and his friends than before.

Peter’s hope is that he May be won… (GAINED). Gain has a certain sweetness to it over “won.” – What a blessing if he could be gained as a husband who loves the Lord Jesus as well, who delights to have the kids know Christ…Who by the Holy Spirit will embody v. 7 where he dwells with understanding and love towards his wife. Spiritually co-heirs with Christ, praying with and for each other.

Application: This is very different from what our culture says. Our Culture says, if you and your husband are not living your best life now. And he doesn’t get something you care about. Well, honey, you ditch him, write about it in a blog and Instagram, and once your lawyer is done with him, go to Greece and pretend you are in a movie and live your best musical life without the bum.

What is precious in God’s sight for his daughters in Christ is very different from Instagram, American Girl-Boss self-fulfillment culture Which says, “he’s not perfect? Get rid of him!”

Advertisers, movies, and current culture readily say, if your marriage is flawed then he ought to be immediately moved on from as unvaluable, and to upgrade to some other pursuit of self-fulfillment quest, some girl-bossing journey.

[You can ask Anna some more of her thoughts on this later, it’s a regularly occurring conversation, because she regularly encounters it.]

Peter would say, He is your husband, you have covenanted together, how much more beautiful and precious in the sight of God is a respectful and pure conduct that wins, this unspiritual, spiritually disinterested husband, to take another look at Christ Jesus. To possibly come alongside following the Lord, to grow spiritually, and, Lord willing, to begin to take his lead in loving and leading his family to follow God, love the Church, and operate healthily under his physical and spiritual leadership.

Now: Caveat, the bible knows it’s a fallen world, physical abuse deserves a phone call to the police and church assistance through it.

Peter’s advice to stay and win the husband is for the person whose husband spiritually is not where he ought to be. But the love and respect of his wife who has her life hidden in Christ can be a wordless witness to him who so far has refused to her the word of the gospel.

To do this will take true Spiritual Maturity which means v. 3-6 Which explains what this should not and should look like,

It should not look like external adorning, braiding of hair , and clothes/jewelry.

STORY: I sent this text to Anna (but I wasn’t asking her to stop being pretty).

Peter is warning against a DISORDERED AND Idolatrous concern for flaunting wealth, beauty, and status.

Excessively conforming yourself to Instagram and influencer beauty standards and believing this is what makes you a beautiful person is not what Christian women have concerned themselves with.

It should rather be clothing yourself in – Your Inward, hidden person, which imperishable (As Peter says our Inheritance in Heaven Is), a gentle and quiet spirit

The easiest way to explain this inward beauty is just citing the opposite from Proverbs.

Proverbs 27 says, A wife’s quarreling is a continual dripping of rain…A continualdripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; 16 to restrain her is to restrainthe wind or to grasp oil in one’s right hand.

How different from what Peter says is very precious in God’s sight.

A Daughter of the king, stewarding inward gentleness and quiet spirit rather than externalism

So a godly woman sets aside attempts that are skin-deep and manipulative.

instead living in a way that is precious in God’s sight AND may GAIN their husbands to Christ

Proverbs 31:10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious thanjewels. 11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. (BTW the rest of Prov. show a wonderful portrait of the industrious wife that is both not feminist and not 1950s).

Verse 5, These Christian Women follow the example of “Holy Women who hoped in God” – How?

Sarah, Hoped in God while following Abraham

Sarah, demonstrates this when Abraham, not once but twice was a cowardly and poor leader (Egypt…Fear of Pharoah…just tell them you’re my sister). But the Lord preserved her from getting to the point where she had to Honor God and throw Abraham under the bus.

And later through all the ups and downs of a less than ideal marriage when she laughs at the Angels announcement in Gen. 18 that she would have a child she still calls Abraham, “my lord.”

The word here is “Lord, or Master” it is Culturally appropriate form of that respect. We say sir and ma’am now in the south. The principle is abiding, be respectful.

Even in older books like Pride and Prejudice, Mrs. Bennett, calls her husband Mr. Bennett, which we would view as cold and distant. But for them was public and formal. First names were used sparingly, but were much more affectionate when they were used.

This frame of mind is the posture that would insist on – Not gossiping/complaining of a husbands’ faults all around town.

Godly women attempt to be aware of whether they are complaining of their husbands to other ladies, diminishing him in their sight. And most certainly do not complain of the husband to other men, especially as a means of building emotional, proto-romantic attachment.

The respect and love is still there when two sinners say “I Do.” And lo and behold we sin “but love covers a multitude of sins” (which you can then honestly talk about).

What does the phrase “if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening” mean?

I think it is the fear of a new believer having an unbelieving husband.

Of Exile, Of being different from society. OF no longer being equally spiritually yolked with their husband

The wife in 1 Peter 3, She is a chosen exile as a Christian without even her covenant life partner to support her…

This probably supported Sarah in those times where she and Abraham were threatened by Egypt because of her beauty and Abraham arguably could’ve done better. But the Lord God cared for them. But how much worse if Abraham hadn’t even been a believer.

So Peter is saying, be brave and steward what is precious in God’s sight, do not fear God says, I will be with you I have called you by name you are mine.

For this wife, May the church model the love of God the Father, and the love of Christ the husband of the Church

And in a fallen world may Christ be our comfort

Christ our final hope, and

Christ’s church ready to support and defend sisters in difficult circumstances. But in Truth. Anchored in Creation and the truth. No clever substitutes.

You have a heavenly father who loves you and watches over you.

You have Christ your groom, who died for his church. And if we are in Christ we are brothers and sisters in Christ. May an eager Posture to God’s good design allow our church families to model the love of Christ and commend God’s good design.

Prayer

Benediction

[1] Note its our “memory” of the 1950s, much can be said about how we only remember the caricature of the 50s. We view it through Ads and the popular media's memory of it.

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