#10 - Breaking the Cycle of Blame in Your Marriage

• Synopsis: Blame can destroy a marriage. This episode teaches men how to break the cycle of blaming their spouse for all their problems and how to adopt a solutions-focused mindset instead. 

 

Episode Guide:

• Explore why blaming your spouse creates distance and resentment.

Reasons for blame

• Poor communication

• Emotional distancing 

• Resentment

 

Breaking the cycle of blame begins when you stop blaming her and start taking responsibility for everything. 

Notice I didn’t say you start blaming yourself. No, you take responsibility. 

When you blame yourself you feel useless or worthless 

But….You are needed!

 

• Provide steps for taking responsibility without self-criticism.

 

Tips for compassionate accountability without beating yourself up. 

1. Get Curious

 

1. What do your behaviours mean? 

2. Insight into yourself. 

3. Self-blame, criticism or punishment will not yield insight. Curiosity will. 

 

1. Talk to yourself like you would someone you loved, like a child. 

 

1. Shift how you talk to yourself by doing so like you would talk to a child. 

2. What would the younger version of you need to hear? 

 

1. What does accountability look like after you have established self-compassion? 

   1. Maybe it is as simple as reflecting on the experience and integrating lessons learned. 

   2. Current compassion plus new lessons learned equals future change. 

   3. Accountability may look like making amends or repairing a relationship. 

 

• Shift the mindset from “who’s at fault” to “how can we fix this?”

Constant self-blame is exhausting and can erode the very foundation of your self-respect.

Self-Respect is your way out of self-blame.

The importance of learning to be self-compassionate is clear.

Deep compassion doesn't come easy for those stuck in the blame cycle, but practice can help shift this. Practice self-compassion by:

 

• honoring your limitations and taking breaks 

• writing down the self-critical voice and responding with kindness

• visualizing negative thoughts as passing clouds

• self-compassion meditations or mantras

 

Begin working on your low self esteem

- Stop lying to yourself. 

- Start small with one thing. (For me it was laundry.)

 

Text me at 812-648-3380 and tell me your first name and the one small thing you are going to stop lying to yourself about and start doing with consistency and compassion.