Do you feel like life is out of control with work responsibilities or young children at home? I bring you guest, Carmen Ohling, to share tips on how to find a life of congruence to transform what you are doing now into a healthy lifestyle that includes your entire family.

Hello everyone! Today I am excited to bring you guest, Carmen Ohling. I met her at this amazing conference, FITPosium, where she was talking about the idea of living a life in congruence; it really stuck with me; that's why I reached out, hoping she'd share more of her experiences and expertise. She is a holistic nutritionist and empowerment coach based out of Colorado.

Meredith: What does it mean to live a life of fitness and congruence?

Carmen: I love this question. It brings to mind a question I get often. "What is the best . . .?" To live a life of congruence with your fitness would be find a way to move your body as often as possible. One of my four pillars of health is to practice daily movement. I like to have the women I work with find something they like and enjoy, then do that. For everybody it's different. If you told me for the rest of my life, I had to do Zumba every day, it's probably not going to happen. I have a friend that is the best Zumba instructor, but I really love to do strength training; I love to do high intensity workouts. I also really like to walk in nature and do recreational sports here in there. That's my fitness, but that's not going to be true for everybody. Finding something that is true to you that you can stay consistent with is really what that means to me.

Meredith: When people think that movement isn't for them because of bad experiences, or they just can't seem to connect, do you have tips for finding something that you enjoy?

Carmen: Find something that you are curious about, no matter how silly that may feel. For example, I am really excited about hip hop dance. I'm not a trained dancer, but it is something I'm curious about. Explore the curiosity. Maybe it's pole dancing, maybe its trying a team. Find a way to move your body that you like, and keep trying. Just because you tried something one time, it doesn't mean it won't be a different experience the next time you try.

Meredith: Absolutely. I remember people telling me I needed to try asparagus at least three times before I could say I didn't like it; I always try to remember that with new foods, activities, and experiences.

Carmen: Yeah. With food, there are different ways to prepare it. There are different ways to move your body. For example, some people don't like Crossfit; I think Crossfit is a fun workout and you can modify it, but some people didn't have a great experience or coach; for them it was a bad experience so they never try it again, but it can be fun.

Meredith: I was looking at your Instagram, and I noticed you were talking about transformations from being overwhelmed and overweight to empowered and confident. Going beyond finding things we enjoy, could you share either your own transformation or something that stands out that you've helped somebody else with?

Carmen: Let me share a little bit of both.

For my own story, I've always been into fitness and nutrition, but what I knew at that time. What I learned over time was the diet mentality; we need to exercise more and eat less to be a certain weight. I followed that for a long time. It wasn't until I started doing amateur bodybuilding and bikini in the NPC that I really started getting interested in fitness and nutrition. Then I did the studying and learned that it is more about a focus on feeling good everyday by eating food that I enjoyed that nourishes the body and practicing movement every day in a way that I liked.

Now, sharing a story of someone that I was able to help recently . . .. Most women come to me and say they want to lose the last 10 pounds. That's very common. When they sign up, I let them know that I take a holistic approach to coaching; we look at everything from food to movement to stress to relationships to sleep in order to find something that works.

This client was super amazing; she came to me and wanted to lose the last ten pounds. As we really dug in, her issue was that she was under-eating during the day, but binge eating at night. She would eat good healthy foods during the day, but not enough. Then she would raid the snack cupboard of cookies, crackers, and chips at night and then go to bed feeling horrible. This isn't the first person I've helped with this; she's not the only one. There are so many of us that experience times of under-eating and then over-eating and then feeling bad about yourself. We started working together. I instructed her to start filling her plate with vegetables first, and then add lean protein, a little bit of fat, and carbohydrates to at least one meal. She was focusing on that, but started seeing that she wasn't binging at night. She noticed that this was the first time she wasn't binge eating at night for the past 30 days. That shift started building confidence.

She started getting the confidence to workout. One of the reasons she didn't like workouts before is that she didn't feel confident in her body or ability to do the workout in a class in front of people. About two months in, she started losing a few pounds. We started working on letting go of control. She had controlled everything in her house, down to mopping the floors twice a day. Letting go of control and allowing space, time in the morning to get up an hour before her family for space to think and practice gratitude . . .. We worked on all of this, and the end result really came full circle. She lost eight pounds. It wasn't the total ten, but she was so happy with that.

She just sent me a text message a few weeks ago that she had just run her first half marathon. Before, she would barely even go on walks. Going from feeling out of control every day with eating and feeling guilty led to trying to control, and control, and control so much in life, to letting go and trying new things, to having new achievements that she never thought she'd have. She even rekindled her relationship with her husband to a space it hasn't been since they first started dating. It really comes first circle.

Meredith: I love how you shared that starting with one strategy, the fuel of our body, then impacted every other area of life. So many times we see adults with new PRs, and say "where did this runner come from? Where did this Crossfitter come from? Where did this hiphopper come from?" It goes back to finding those essential strategies instead of trying to take on the whole world at one time. If we change one thing, everything else does start to follow.

You are putting so many pillars out there . . .food, movement, stress, relationships, mindset space, . . .what were the four pillars that you were referring to?

Carmen: The first pillar is protecting your energy. Often times, we go off what society tells us. Especially for women; we have to do it all; we have to look a certain way; we have to take care of the household, the family, have the career, do all the things to the point we put ourselves last. We're not doing what we need to do to protect our energy. Most people come to me and say they don't have enough time. I say "you're not protecting your energy; if you do that, then you'll have plenty of time to do everything."

The second pillar is nourishing your body. The basis of that is making water your primary beverage; cooking most of your meals at home, and choosing real whole foods, it looks different for everybody.

The third pillar is practicing daily movement.

The fourth is slowing down daily. Slow down and check in daily, otherwise you're on the treadmill of life. You run through the day; you wake up; you hit snooze; you have no idea on what you think or feel; you're just going from one thing to the next thing, and then you go to bed. If you take time to slow down and check in with yourself everyday, you can really discover some magical things and what is possible in the world.

Meredith: I like that you define four categories that we can really focus on. When someone is on that treadmill of life, they are probably out of congruence with their own life and relationships. How can people identify that they are on this treadmill?

Carmen: What it feels like is not having that fulfillment in your life; a constant state of overwhelm; the to do list is on constant repeat every day; even if you are trying to do something enjoyable, you're thinking about what the next thing is you need to do. If you find this, or you find that you are always tired even though you get plenty of sleep, or if you find yourself looking at other people in the comparison game and wishing you had that, then you are on the treadmill of life and need to slow down.

Meredith: What can we do if we realize that we are there and we have no time for fitness, family, meal prep, no time for self care . . ..What are some strategies we can take to get back to the congruence of the life we want to live?

Carmen: Ask yourself what matters most. What matters most to you as a human, or as a woman? Most people will say, "my family matters most." You need to dig in a little deeper and ask yourself, "what about your family matters most?"

For me, when I think about what matters most, it is my spiritual connection, my health, my family and friends, and how I show up and serve every day. When I look at family and friends and say "what does that mean," to me it is being intentional and present in the time that I am with them, and holding space for them. This means I'm not going into those interactions and passing judging; I'm just holding space, and if they want my opinion, of course I'll share it. The biggest thing is holding space and figuring out what matters most. Whatever the surface answer is, dig in a little bit deeper. Once your figure that out get our your calendar for the week and look at all the activities you have planned for that week. How many of those things are aligned with what matters most, and how many are not? Then you can slowly start readjusting the activities based on what matters most.

In my life for example, my spiritual connection matters most. I have a strong morning ritual that includes journaling, meditation, practicing appreciation for what is in my life, and having lemon water; that really connects me to the spirit. For me it's God. That's important to me, so I do that every single day.

You can look at your calendar and what matters most. Slowly remove things that are not aligned with what matters most. The things that drain your energy that don't really matter in the grand scheme can be removed. Then slowly add in what matches up to what really matters most.

Meredith: You've shared so many pearls and actionable strategies between pillars, digging for a super why, the transformations on how one thing affects everything else to the point of uncovering new PRs you didn't even know you had interest in, and finding congruence . . . . I think the audience will love all that you share and appreciate how they interpret this in their own ways too. Is there anything else you'd like to share in closing?

Carmen: The idea of do less and experience more. When you drill down what is important to you, and get closer to protecting your energy and feeling more fulfilled in your daily life, remember that our self worth is not wrapped up in accomplishments and success. Each of us is unique, and we are worthy of love. You don't have to be always achieving. It is OK to take a step back and take a breather and do something for yourself. If you can create that space, you can check in with yourself and understand yourself more, and see what is possible. There are so many possibilities in the world.

I invite people to follow me too on Facebook and Instagram. They can follow my journey, tips, and tricks. I'd love to connect with them there.

Meredith: I love that you are so sharing and giving. Is it OK if people message you?

Carmen: Absolutely. They can email me to at [email protected] I love to connect with people; I think people today are missing those in person connections, so DMing and messaging is great way to get to know people.

Meredith: Thank you so much, Carmen, for taking the time to share today.