Humans are tribal creatures. From the earliest parts of our history, our ancestors have lived in tribes, villages, and cities to better protect and provide for themselves. We assign ourselves to teams, groups, parties, and denominations to assume and contribute to a larger group identity. It is clearly not good for man to be alone. (Genesis 2:18)

Our desire to fit in can be so strong that we ignore our moral impulses and begin to think and act in ways we otherwise would not. This comes from peer pressure, and those we grow up with see our failings and missteps. If we’ve made quite a few mistakes, it can be difficult to shake their impressions of us. Each one of our words, steps, and choices influences how others see us.

What happens when we want to change who we are? Or more, what happens with our Creator God changes us to be more like Himself? A new believer who does not come from a Christian background has the most difficult time adjusting to life after conversion. Not only will this new Christian face the spiritual battles that often befall each of us, but they must also contend against all the other images and versions of their past that others maintain about them.

I suppose there is one comfort for those of us who must confront others’ impressions of us: Jesus endured the same. Matthew 13 includes a small story of Jesus returning to Nazareth, only to be met with doubt and offense. Verse 54 picks up, “Coming to his hometown, he began teaching the people in their synagogue and they were amazed. ‘Where did this man get this wisdom and these miraculous powers?’ they asked.” (Matthew 13:54, NIV) They go on to question their understanding. “Isn’t this the carpenter’s son? Isn’t his mother’s name Mary?…And they took offense at him.” (55, 57) Jesus retorts—to them—“Only in his hometown and in his own house is a prophet without honor.” (57)

Even Jesus was judged because of His familiarity with others. Jesus lived a sinless life—there was no dirty laundry for Him to overcome in their minds. They knew Jesus as a typical boy, from a typical carpenter, in a small village in ancient Israel. What’s profound about their doubt is their recognition of Jesus’ wisdom and miraculous powers, yet they cannot accept that Jesus is anything other than their expectations of Him.

Perhaps you’re in a spot where you want to make life changes, or you have found a deeper degree of faith, but the expectations of others are holding you back. Take heart—it’s nothing personal. Instead, we must recognize the limitations of humanity’s collective groupthink. God calls us to great things, even when the world ignorantly or intentionally attempts to hold us back. We can let the world have its way in our lives or let God have His; rarely can we appease both simultaneously.

So, how do we respond if our new life in Christ pushes in a direction that others begin to question, criticize, or resist? First, we must prepare ourselves for the trials ahead. How seriously do we take our faith? If we take Christ’s sacrifice seriously, then let’s do this faith thing right! Resolving ourselves to run the race well (1 Corinthians 9:24), we must gird ourselves with faith and righteousness (Ephesians 6). We must be prepared to live out our faith in front of our friends. If they cannot see how serious our faith is, either we are not actively showing it, or they are unwilling to accept it. In the latter case, perhaps we should close that chapter and form a more supportive community that embraces our faith identity.

But before we jump to writing our friends or family out of our lives, we must earnestly live out our faith in front of them. Living our faith may be as simple as living faithfully. In Philippians 1, Paul is under house arrest for an upcoming trial, yet, he writes to his Philippian church plant, “Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ.” (Philippians 1:12-13, NIV) Paul’s lifestyle has convinced even his guards of his innocence while serving as a platform for the Gospel to spread. His example becomes an encouragement for others. Let us remember that our example can speak louder than our words in front of our family and friends—those who know our worst history.

It is human nature to categorize other people into groups—this is particularly rampant in our hyperpolitical, postmodern era. Our worst tendencies look for the slightest sign of inauthenticity or impropriety—as if we have none ourselves—to then judge or “cancel” someone else. As we categorize others, they are equally categorizing us. Those who have known us longer have ample evidence for the labels they assign us, even if we now disavow much of what we previously did. When we share our faith with those who were witnesses to our pre-Christian behavior, we face a steeper challenge in negating who we were in exchange for who we are now.

We must approach our family and old friends differently than strangers. For strangers, I am a strong advocate for typical evangelistic methods. However, for family and friends, we must first convince them that we are different—not why we are different, but show them how we are different.

How do we make our differences obvious? Hopefully, the Holy Spirit’s work in us becomes evident. To spell it out, we must exhibit the Fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). We must prioritize love, joy, peace, and patience over our previously expected behaviors. We must choose kindness, goodness, and gentleness in interactions where we would otherwise resort to our worst traits. We must exercise self-control and faithfulness in the face of temptation.

Our lives become living proof of our change more than our words. Our testimony of Jesus will only be received warmly after those who knew our worst can see us at our best. It’s up to us to live up to that standard. The world is watching what we do next, and our families and friends have front-row seats.

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