In this episode, Drs. John and Julie Gottman—co-founders of the Gottman Institute and authors of 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage—unpack the two types of problems every couple faces: perpetual problems and solvable problems. Sixty-nine percent of married couples suffer from perpetual problems, which vary based on personality differences or lifestyle preference differences. These types of differences can create friction in a marriage, but smart couples, know how to avoid a gridlock and seek to have healthy conflict conversations by approaching these types of discussions with kindness, understanding, and compassion.

For military couples, conflict resolution can be particularly tricky. During deployment, military couples should talk on the phone as often as they can and have stress-reducing conversations—allow your spouse to talk about the stress while you simply listen and empathize. This will help your spouse feel less alone in dealing with the stress. Military members should avoid creating emotional distance by refusing to talk about what they have gone through and experienced. Instead, they should allow their spouses to enter into the pain. Only then can their marriage be intimate and life-giving.