So what I've come to realize after going through one of the lowest points of my life at a slow burns pace... is that all happiness stems from appreciation... I spent a lot of days trying to pull myself out of a sadness that seemed as though it would never end for around a year... and when i finally started to have little moments of real happiness again i started to try and dissect the situation that was causing those brief moments of happiness... I came to the conclusion that every time I was experiencing a feeling of happiness, I was also appreciating something... this took awhile because sometimes nothing seemingly good would happen at all and I would start to feel it... and that's when I realized... I was just admiring a view somewhere... that moment had brought me a large amount of insightful happiness... because I realized that even if I was in a horrible, terrible situation that made me hate everything and want to shut everyone out of my life just because I felt as though I could no longer operate under stress with the amount of negative sad emotions that I was feeling... I could start to create small pockets of joy in my day by finding things that I really enjoyed to appreciate... It started off very small in very short bursts of happiness... only seconds really... But the more that I exercised my ability to appreciate things, the larger my small pockets of happiness grew... until I started really learning how to enjoy life again... in a brand new way from the ground up... I do not know if those days that year will be the lowest points in my entire life, but I know that once I found out how to build my happiness levels back up through the thought process of appreciation... I no longer thought of ending it all... or constantly creating distractions to avoid the things that made me sad... I faced the things and people in my life that had given me the reasons to feel horrible and miserable... I faced them with acceptance... even thought it was a real struggle and you have to fake how you really feel around those people for awhile... you have to fake being ok while you work on yourself because you're the only person that can do the work... and with a little time I was fine... still lonely, but like all bad things... I knew that it wouldn't last forever...